tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46642154180919341762024-03-13T13:24:35.112-04:00Hope at HomeHope at Home is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.comBlogger314125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-8251593416650372682016-06-12T19:13:00.000-04:002016-06-12T19:13:13.452-04:00AN ADOPTIVE MOTHER'S THOUGHTS ON HER CHILD'S STORY<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I realize now that when we first brought our children home I had an undefined but deeply felt and well-meant desire. However, I have also realized that my desire was not exactly what God had in mind. Let me explain. I wanted our adopted children be so loved, so secure, so encompassed in the life and culture of <b>our </b>family and<b> our</b> story, that they would come to a point where they never felt different or separate from us. I didn't want them to feel like they didn't fit in or that they were somehow "other." I wanted the sadness and torment of their story to be absorbed in the love of our story. I wanted the pain of their pasts to be erased by the power of healing love. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But trying to lose the one story in the beauty of the other creates an invisible barrier that works to separate, which is the complete opposite of what I desired! It wars against the spirit of adoption which does not erase any of our pasts, but rather uses the past as part of the redemptive story of love. And that redemption my friends is the freedom that propels us all into our destinies! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As our children have grown up (they are now 21, 21, 23, 24, 25, 25, 27. 3 by birth, 4 by adoption) I have realized that God has not asked me to be an author/writer of my children’s stories. He doesn’t require me to heal or cover up or redeem their stories—that was His to do! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">His plan for me, and for them, is so much better! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So, what is my role then? I have asked this question countless times over the past 16 years of adoptive parenting. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And I have discovered that He has given me the a different role, one that invites me to fully embrace my child as I co-labor with Him in the transformation of an orphan into a true son or daughter. That is the story of adoption, both theirs and mine. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So, I have been learning to be:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I have the privilege of caring for and nurturing their story. As a caretaker I cannot ignore or neglect my chid’s past. Rather, I get to discover, along with them, the nature of this unique garden that is their life, filled with plants both exotic and unfamiliar. I have the honor of helping them discover the beauty of it, and make sense of the unfamiliar and even the unknown. I have sensed the Lord telling me to embrace each child fully, including their pasts.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As my children have gone through the process of trying discover who they are, I realize that they are longing for me to see them. Really see them. See that they are, in fact, different from me. They are looking to me to see if I will approve, accept, and celebrate them as Russian, as members of a different culture and a different family. This has been tricky for me because there are parts of their stories by no fault of their own that are not honorable, not worthy of celebration—things like rejection, abuse, addiction, prostitution, murder, abandonment. But you know what I have discovered? There is always much to celebrate in each story. So I honor what is honorable. And I care for the details, the good, the bad and the ugly.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I select the content to be presented at the appropriate time, and to the appropriate audience. We have been intentional to search out all the details that we could find, collecting anything about their story and their birth families, so that when the time came we would be able to help. Part of the role of a curator is fact-finding. To me it is an expression of love to be a keeper of this information. Interestingly, some of our children have wanted, even needed to know details, and some have not—at lest not yet. Depending on their age and their maturity, we release parts of the story we feel they are ready to see. This “time-release” issue is huge and I have found that prayer has been such a gift in discerning the right time to share. I have also discovered that simply asking my child if he/she wants to know more has been helpful. I may not be able to find out more, or I may discern that more information would best be kept for a later time, but even so by asking I am able to help my child recognize that there is a story that belongs to him/her and that I am here to help.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In the early years the telling is easier, as we withhold the uglier and more painful details of the story. But as our children grow older, their questions also mature. They will wonder about motives, about fault. They will go over their story with the inquisitive eyes, seeking to make sense of the facts they know, and to fill in the details they don’t know. And my role in this process is, in part, to gather information and then release it. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">For we wonder, wouldn’t it be nicer, kinder, more loving to keep the uglier parts of their story hidden? Our desire to protect is so strong. Isn’t that what good mamas do? </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Truth telling is scary I have found. What if the information is too much for him? What if she is not ready to receive it? What if they lash out in their pain?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I have learned that as much as I would like to cover over, sugar coat or lie about these things, there very well may be a time when my child needs to know the facts. And so often the facts, even the darkest and most appalling facts, are less frightening than the fear of the unknown and what-ifs that often manifest in what looks like anger, hatred, rebellion or opposition, but is in actual fact simply deep-rooted fear. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In reality, I can't actually cover up what they already know in the depth of their souls. But I can speak words of life and sonship, hope and forgiveness, understanding and compassion, into those dark places. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So I have learned not to try to fix it —or them, but rather just be a presence of love, life, and hope in the complexities of their story, always ready to lead them up and out into the beautiful open spaces of sonship, redemption and destiny in Jesus. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I’ve learned not to let fear of the negatives that I know, or fear of all the frightening possibilities that I don’t know, intimidate me from this important role in my child’s life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Recently I heard someone give this excellent advice: Don’t get stuck in the subplots. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As our adopted children take in, process, and make sense of the facts of their story, I get to be one who helps them shape the narrative. I have realized that although I am not the author of their story, God has given me the amazing opportunity to offer language and perspective that places my child’s story in the context of His story, the grand telling of a love so powerful that it redeems us all! My words to and over my child help them interpret the facts of their narrative, which is such a key in the teen and young adult years. Weave hope and destiny into the words you speak. Over time they will begin to see themselves defined by that, rather than by their past. By SONSHIP rather than ORPHAN. By BELOVED rather than REJECTED.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I find that it helps in this process to ask, what is the story Father is telling about my child? And how can I help connect their subplot and mine to His glorious story? </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And I have found that I am empowered with courage to embrace what is hard in my child’s story when I tell it in the context of love and honor, and in the safety of God's overarching grand story.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I look for ways in the telling of the story to speak to my child’s true identity, acknowledging the past, but speaking to the possibilities of the future. Asking questions with my child, and offering possibilities in the face of the missing pieces of their story has really helped me in this story-telling role. “I wonder what that must have felt like for you?” or “Maybe your mother was so so sad when that happened.” I like questions because they allow me to come alongside my child and connect with them where they need it most. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Maybe you also have been discovering your role in your child’s story. I would love to hear what you are learning. For how wonderful is this dear friends: the story is not over yet—theirs and mine and yours!! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I feel like I can not end this post without saying that all 4 of our adopted children have had seasons where they have pushed me away from their stories, or tried to deny any connection at all with their pasts and the residue of relinquishment in their thinking, emotions and relationships. I have heard quite a few times, “The way I deal with that is that I just don’t think about it.” </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And so I wait. I pray. I speak life. I stay emotionally connected, so that when the time comes that they are ready to “go there,” I am ready to go with them. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What a beautiful gift the Father has given us to participate in His story of redemptive love!</span></span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-87300309332189684272015-12-22T09:34:00.000-05:002015-12-22T09:34:07.288-05:00ENLARGED IN THE WAITING<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I love the Advent season. Advent is all about waiting in anticipation, not just for the presents of Christmas morning, but for the manifestation of God’s presence—the increase of His kingdom, in this world, in our situations, in our hearts, in our homes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We have done a good bit of waiting over the last 15 years of adoptive parenting. We have waited for paperwork to be approved, for our children to come home, for proficiency in English, for a new normal for our family, for attachment, for healing, for wholeness, for the replacing of an orphan spirit for the Spirit of Adoption that speaks of sonship. </span></div>
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Our spirits are often full with the promises God has spoken to us. Even as I write, I am filled with the satisfaction of a promise already come to pass as I live out the dream in real life! For, like many of you, our children are home and they are no longer orphans. Oh how wonderful that is!</span></div>
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But there are some of you reading this who are in the waiting- for-your-child-to-come-home stage; you are facing significant obstacles between you and your child being home. I just want to pause this post to add our faith to yours in prayer:</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Father God, in faith we believe You for these precious families. We call these children HOME. And we speak to the mountains that would hinder that homecoming and say, Be Moved. Comfort the hearts of our friends who are waiting, and protect these precious treasures who are waiting to come home. Amen. </span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">For a few other things that are very dear to my heart though, I am still waiting, feeling the weight of the wait! I am waiting for some promises that have yet to be delivered safe and sound into the arms of our lives. Sometimes the weight feels heavy and wearisome. When it does, I find I must be careful not to allow disappointment to sicken my heart. </span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire is fulfilled, it is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12 AMP)</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Do you ever hear those whispers like I do--the ones that say "give up; it's not going to happen; it is just too hard to continue in hope; the weight of the wait is too burdensome; it would be much easier to quit believing, maybe this is all there is and I should just settle ….."</span></div>
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I am pregnant with a promise from God, and I suspect you are too. For me it is the Promise of Adoption and all that is hidden in the meaning of that word. The promise of deep inner healing for my children, and their wholeness in all areas of their lives--healthy attachment, freedom from the residue of rejection, intimacy with the One who is The Spirit of Adoption.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And in the wait to see the promise delivered I sometimes feel cumbersome, waddling through some days with the weight of it all. </span></div>
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And it is clear to me that the enemy is always after the unborn life, tempting me to abort that unborn promise--to settle for less.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And I recognize the temptation to defer hope--to postpone hope for some other time, for some other promise. The sacrifice of bearing the unborn promise, nurturing it with the food of faith in what seems like a past term pregnancy, sometimes makes me weary.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">BUT then I am reminded that </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">God's Love Endures Forever.<br />
Love, <i>God's Love In Me,</i> is Patient. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The enemy would kill the child. It has always been his way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But Father God responds with a shout, <span style="line-height: normal;"><b>"LIVE!"</b></span></span></div>
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</b></span>And so I choose to agree with LIFE.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And like a pregnant woman, I am enlarged with the promise rather than diminished by its weight. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And I see that God is changing me and my children with His promises, and once again I recognize the honor it is to bear such a weight. The stretch marks of the growth process haven’t faded, but they speak a good word to me. They speak to the expansion required by adoption, the shape change in our family and in our hearts. They speak to the pain that comes with growth— the “more” of increase. They are marks of growth in compassion, understanding, patience grace, mercy, and warfare. They are marks that speak to me about who I am becoming in the process.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And I am learning to enjoy His presence with me and in me along the way. </span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.(Romans 8:24-28 MSG)</span></i></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-59094396500972068292015-11-18T18:37:00.000-05:002015-11-18T18:37:17.572-05:00"Dad, I've gotten myself into a little trouble....."<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It happened almost every weekday around 6:30 and it was one of the most touching things I have had the privilege to witness. It is a picture of adoption really—simple, deeply moving, and truly beautiful. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Our three boys, all recently home from a Russian orphanage, would climb up on the wooden fence in front of our house and just look down the road. I remember the first time they did it I wondered what they were up to. (Back in those early days of adoption I wondered that a whole lot!!) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And the oldest, still speaking only Russian, pointed down the road and said something about “Papa”—being super bright I was able to translate that right away! And I recognized “waiting,” a Russian word I had learned, along with lots of other mommy vocabulary like “brush your teeth,” “I love you,” “be careful,” “time for bed,” “don’t do that!” ……. not to mention a few cuss words that our children would repeat when angry. Wondering what in the world they were saying, I asked a Russian speaking friend to translate. Yikes! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Over the years there have been many moments like that one, the kind of moments that compel you to reach for your camera in hopes that you can somehow hold on to the warmth and beauty of it all. I didn’t get a photo of my boys waiting for their Papa back then, but I see them still and think, “That right there is what adoption is all about— that child has a Daddy to wait for at the end of the day.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And when I think about these children, who once were orphans standing at a different fence watching people who weren’t their parents drive away, I am overwhelmed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But my understanding about what is beautiful has changed, or more accurately has expanded, since those early days of the Papa-lookout. God has been teaching me to see the beauty and power of adoption in what at first look (and even second and third look!) appears to be only ugly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Let me explain by telling you another adoption story, although if you are like me you may not recognize it as beautiful.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A few years ago my husband and I travelled to Texas to be with his mother, who was having surgery. Leaving our seven children, all older teens and young adults by this time, made us a bit nervous since a few of them were not doing too well. Just as Stephen’s mother was being wheeled back into her hospital room after surgery his phone rang. Such bad timing, as so many parenting moments are!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As soon as I saw his face I knew two things: it was one of our children, and it wasn’t good.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I was right. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“Dad, it looks like I’ve gotten myself into a little bit of trouble,” he says. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He was making this call from jail. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The details aren’t necessary, but I will tell you I was so angry. I felt deeply disappointed, deeply discouraged, and deeply weary of the battle. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And I could only see the ugly in this. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A few hours later I was able to take the time to pray, which began with me complaining to The Lord, and then asking Him once again to please tell us what to do to help our son heal and live in the freedom of sonship.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And as is always the way with God, He answered my desperate question with a life-giving response, so different from what I was looking for. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">“But Beth, this is a SON who has a DADDY to call when he has ‘gotten himself into a little bit of trouble.’” </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Just that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">One sentence that completely changed my perspective and transformed what was ugly into something truly moving. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What felt like yet another failure, of my son and of our parenting, became a powerful picture of adoption. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">For this was no orphan. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This was a SON. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Who had a FATHER.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This was simple, deeply moving, and truly beautiful. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This, my fellow adopters, is what adoption is all about. It isn’t what I had dreamed of when we brought our children home 17 years ago, and it has cost us more than we ever imagined, but it is the work of the Father’s love played out in all of our lives. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It is what adoption is all about. </span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-30621247065278416482015-04-26T18:00:00.000-04:002015-04-26T18:00:05.815-04:00SHAME: WHAT YOU SAY IS NOT WHAT THEY HEAR<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From Beth:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I recently heard William Paul Young, </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">author of <u>The Shack,</u> say something that so perfectly describes what I have seen in some of our children. He said,</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Shame destroys your ability to distinguish between a value statement and an observation.</span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As soon as I heard this I thought, "That's it. That perfectly describes countless parenting moments in our home." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I would make a statement, completely reasonable and normal, the kind parents all over the world make as part of the loving raising of a child. And my child would respond as if I had just asked them to do something horrible, something no parent would ever require. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">There have been times over the years when it felt like my parenting seemed to always and only affirm their shame. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">No matter what I said, or what tone of voice I used, the push back from my parenting efforts was massive. To the point where many times I would almost despair of it all. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I would offer, "Let me help you with your vocabulary so you can be ready for you test tomorrow."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What I hear myself saying is, "I am here to help you. I know you can do this. You are not alone. I am proud of you and want to be a part of your life!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What they heard was a harsh value statement, "You are such a loser. You are not smart and you can't do anything right. You are a disappointment to me."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I would observe, "That outfit is probably not appropriate for this event. Maybe you could wear that nice outfit we bought last month."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What they heard was, "You are ugly. You aren't meeting my standards. I don't accept you the way you are." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It is the voice of shame.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If you think this sounds extreme then that is truly wonderful, because that probably means that shame is not a big part of your child's foundations. For many adopted children however, the facts of their early years have been masquerading in their minds and emotions as truth. Shame takes the facts of abandonment, neglect, abuse, relinquishment, orphanage life, and anything else it can wrap it's tentacles around, and disguises it my precious child's mind as a deep truth about his/her identity. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Shame speaks words like rejected, never enough, alone, unwanted, failure, weak, too much to handle, unsuccessful....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And when those horrifying words are spoken a child may shut down completely, totally </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">disengaging.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Frozen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">No eye contact. No verbal replies. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Or there might be yelling. "I hate you. You are a horrible mother. I wish I were never adopted. My life would be much better without you. Get off my back and just leave me alone. You make me want to die....." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We have heard all of these words, and more, in our home. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It is the voice of shame. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Or, you might see your child put even more pressure on him/herself to please, to do everything just right. But the anxiety and anger levels build over time and at some point you will experience the inevitable blow up from so much self-imposed pressure.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am overwhelmed with the reality that my Father God has allowed me to be a part of His healing work in my children through adoption. For it is in the context of family that our children have heard, over and over, that they are no longer orphans, but true and beloved sons and daughters. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It is so easy to allow shame to bait me into an unloving, shame-based response. And so unhelpful! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So I decided a long time ago to respond with the Truth--to counteract the shame with the antidotes of love, belonging, identity, understanding. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Over and over again, in so many varying forms of my maternal love I have the opportunity to speak truth into the lie. </span><br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Speak it in season and out of season. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Speak it when your child embraces their identity as the beloved, and speak it when your child denies the truth of it, either through their words or through their actions. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Speak it when they are in front of you listening, and speak it when they have gone to bed and only you and God can hear.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Speak it when your heart is full of the truth of it, and speak it when the words seem like a lie even to you.</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Speak it--</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">over and over and over and over, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">day after day after day after day,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">year after year after year after year.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am seeing the fruit of this in our family. That inner voice of shame is being drowned out by truth, unmasked by love without conditions and limits. And where shame is still successful in its ugly masquerade, I am even more determined than ever to speak truth, for this is what adoption is all about, right? It is about radical rooted love, both for me and for my child. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It unmasks us all and reveals the beautiful truth that we are His beloved ones. </span><br />
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</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-16924434787166588112015-04-17T06:30:00.000-04:002015-04-17T06:30:00.552-04:00MY GARDENING LIFE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From Beth:</span></h3>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am not a gardener, but if I were my garden would look something like this.</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E3W_7tum_yw/VS6-Ksuq9FI/AAAAAAAADf0/PqNg5q-fwHo/s1600/Chateau_de_Bouges_Flower_Garden_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E3W_7tum_yw/VS6-Ksuq9FI/AAAAAAAADf0/PqNg5q-fwHo/s1600/Chateau_de_Bouges_Flower_Garden_1.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Pretty, right? Everything in its place, ordered, organized, contained and thriving. Beautiful and fruitful. Yep, that is it right there. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And that is a pretty good picture of what I was going for with our family. Each child organized, contained within the life-giving boundaries we set up, and thriving, etc. Sounds good doesn't it? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But as our family grew through adoption my neat rows of seasonally appropriate lettuce and tomatoes, and those lovely flowers </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">intentionally planted</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> to catch just the right amount of sun</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">, changed into a whole other garden.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Our family metamorphosed overnight into a crazy out of control mess of a garden. A beautiful, willy-nilly kind of place, full of surprising varieties and diversity. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It has been a great adventure to discover and appreciate all that our adopted children have introduced into our lives. They brought with them so much that is lovely, fascinating, strong, creative and exciting from their birth families, country, and culture that have made our garden gloriously unique. Like an heirloom tomato imported from a far away place, I haven't always immediately recognized the special qualities introduced to our family through adoption. But as the years have gone by, 15 now since our first two treasures came home, I have identified so much that I might have at first mistaken as a weed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I have learned to not to try to pull up something because I didn't plant it, but rather clear a space for it in my heart and in the culture of our family. Let it grow and enjoy its fruit and beauty, and make it my own.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And where weeds have come in (to join the ones already there!)--the unwanted and unwelcome residue of rejection, abandonment, trauma and orphanage life--then I have learned to carefully remove them. Not all at once with a hoe of shame, but gently dig them out with the trowel of prayer and love and identity. Some of these weeds continue to sprout up over the years, the lies that threaten to choke out sonship, so I continue to maintain this special plot of land God has given us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And I have learned that some plants just need some time to grow before they can set themselves apart from the look-alike weeds. So I garden with care and nurture, waiting for the season of flowering and fruit. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And I have learned to be at peace with the process of being a care-taker of such a crazy garden. As tempting as it was to take our new transplants and try to force them into my perfect rows, it proved to be destructive to us all whenever I tried it! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So instead I focus on enjoying the beauty and surprise of it all, and the honor of being a part of such a family. </span><br />
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-72431757573737911402015-03-08T17:27:00.000-04:002015-03-08T17:27:00.595-04:00I WILL COUNSEL YOU<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From Beth:</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I hear the Lord saying, 'I will stay close to you, as I instruct and guide you along the pathway of your life. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I WILL COUNSEL YOU along the way, and lead you forth with My eyes as your guide. So don't make it difficult, don't be stubborn when I take you where you've not been before. Don't make Me have to tug you and pull you along. JUST COME WITH ME!' (Psalm 32:8-9, The Passion Translation)</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Do you hear echoes of your own parental voice in these words? I know I do! Look how our Father starts with connection--oh how I love that about Him!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When my eyes are on Him, I see the way forward, because I see it in His eyes. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So often we parents don't know what to do to help our child, to parent well and wisely. The options either seem too many, or they seem to have disappeared </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">altogether! We busy ourselves scanning all the possibilities, but sometimes we forget to simply look at Jesus to see what direction He is going. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We are so quick to run to counselors when we recognize the effects of trauma and all that surrounds our adoptions and fostering. Stephen and I are so very thankful for the therapists that have helped us and our children. We have received significant help and guidance, and God has used these counselors to help our children. But as my dear friend Susan Hillis says, there is a difference between a counselor with a small 'c' and THE COUNSELOR! The One who promises, "I will counsel you along the way..." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">His love for you and your child goes beyond--deeper and higher than your child's need. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Deeper and higher than the limits of your parenting abilities. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I have found Him to be so practical in His guidance as Stephen and I make tough parenting decisions. Certainly adoption is constantly taking me "places I have not been before"--I often find myself on unfamiliar ground as a parent. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I suspect you know exactly what I mean! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So today, I just want to encourage you my fellow parents that you do hear God's voice-- you are created for it! </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">God would not promise His counsel if we were incapable of receiving. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">For all the counselors in the world, and all the best parenting practices you can put in place, will not heal your child. We <b>co-labor </b>with God for our child's healing, but in the end, each one will walk in wholeness not by our own effort, but by His! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I used to think that the love of our family would be "enough" to carry our children into healing and freedom. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Is love enough? If we are talking about my love, then I will have to say NO. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But, if </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">we are talking about God's love for my child, and for me, then a resounding YES is my response to that question. YES YES YES! Greater than hope, Greater than faith-- LOVE IS GREATER than any loss your child has faced.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Even if a king has the best equipped army, it would never be enough to save him. Even if the best warrior went to battle, he could not be saved simply by his strength alone. Human strength and the weapons of man are such false hopes for victory. They may seem mighty, but they will always disappoint.... The Lord alone is our radiant hope and we trust in Him with all our hearts. His wrap-around presence will strengthen us. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">(Psalm 33:16-17, 20)</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So, wherever you are in this parenting journey, remember you have a Wonderful Counselor, free of charge and available for home visits 24/7. And remember that you always have hope, a radiant hope, that comfortably surpasses your own parenting abilities and far outstrips your child's needs. </span><br />
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-64531092224694553232015-01-25T18:00:00.000-05:002015-01-25T18:00:00.538-05:00OUR WEIGHTED BLANKET<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From Beth:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Stephen and I were not as prepared as we thought we were for parenting our new children. Truthfully, we thought we had this parenting gig down. We didn't know that our adopted treasures would need something different from us. But, as with many of us who adopted before all the trauma and adoption education was so wide-spread, we figured it out pretty quickly! Yikes!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Our first clue came in those early days after coming home from Russia with our new son and daughter. Huge <b>HUGE</b> transitions for us all! We were constantly asking the question, "Is this behavior adoption related? (We didn't even know to ask if was trauma related!) Or is this normal for this child? Or maybe it's just the stress of travel and jet lag, or frustration at not being understood, or.....?" </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It reminded me of caring for our three newborns, actually. "Is she crying because she's hungry? Tired? Needs a diaper change? Sick?....." But, our children who came home to us through adoption were older, years beyond diapers and midnight bottle feedings. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Once the honeymoon stage was over, the rages began. It became clear that our son's fits were actually not fits at all. There was an intensity, a deep place of anger and fear, that I soon realized was more like rage than any childhood fit I had ever seen. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br />I remember times when I would literally lay the weight of my body over my son's raging little form-- praying that he would know that he was safe, desiring that my embrace would keep him from hurting me or himself, hoping that maybe the strong physical presence of his loving mother would somehow communicate to him that no anger need ever overcome him, that peace would replace fear. The weight of my love was the beginning of the <b>miraculous process of displacement</b> that is adoption. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Whirling fear is displaced with love </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Raging anger with an anchored peace</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Dark hopelessness with a bright future</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iWuCus-yffI/VL7eGANU0nI/AAAAAAAADd0/qFJrrjc1mBg/s1600/Typic%2B9.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iWuCus-yffI/VL7eGANU0nI/AAAAAAAADd0/qFJrrjc1mBg/s1600/Typic%2B9.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Over the years I have found that the trauma my son experienced before he came home requires this action of displacement quite often. Like a weighted blanket, I still cover him. Of course, I don't cover him with my body any more for he has grown into a strong young man, but with my love, through prayer and words of hope. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It is so clear to me that as surely as my husband and I are creating a legacy of love and security and hope for our children, that there exists also an orphan legacy--things handed down to a child from a past marred by relinquishment, fear and lack. But in those long moments of struggle with my son, and all through the years when the legacy of fear would burst to the surface despite the weight of our love, I have known that when God's peace rules, the orphan legacy is nullified. It must make way for life-giving peace.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>For though the mountains should depart and the hills be shaken or removed, yet My love and kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace and completeness be removed, says the Lord, Who has compassion on you. </i>(</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Isaiah 54:10)</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And it has not stayed hidden from me for long that I am not so unlike my son. His trauma has traumatized me. His pain has become my pain. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And I am desperately in need of the weighted blanket of my Father's love. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And I must choose, once again, to allow His legacy of love, peace and hope, displace my fears and heal my wounds. </span><br />
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-16696704488312541742015-01-20T18:52:00.000-05:002015-01-22T09:53:10.439-05:00WHAT IS THAT TO YOU? <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Beth:</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Susan and I have been off the blogging grid for a while, taking care of many needs with our families and friends. And if you follow us on<a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopeathomeblog"> Facebook </a>you'll know that Susan spent many weeks in West Africa working with the Ebola crisis. But, we are back and excited to see what God might have us share with you in this 5th year of our bloggy life!!</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">One of my favorite scenes from C.S Lewis' Narnia stories is the one in <u>The Horse and His Boy</u> where Shasta is riding along, afraid and filled with self-pity. An orphan himself, he has a long list of very good reasons to justify his fears. He becomes terrified to realize that there is someone, or some<i>thing,</i> walking alongside him. He hears the breath of this mysterious presence, but cannot at first see him. Once he gets the nerve up to talk to the beast, Shasta begins to share his sad story. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He finds out from this interaction that so much of his pitiable story is actually (totally contrary to his own interpretation) a story of rescue and love. Hmmmm, I believe I'm familiar with this storyline myself! How often I have had the Lord totally reinterpret what I was sure was a 100% "bad" situation by showing me a new way of seeing. (Remind me one day to tell you about the phone call we got from jail!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But, back to my point:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">After listening for a bit Shasta changes the focus from himself to his friend, Aravis. What about her, he wonders? What is her story?</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Copyright 20th Century Fox</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I have always loved Aslan's answer (for Shasta gradually realizes it is a great lion who is walking alongside him.) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Child," said the Voice, "I am telling you <b>your</b> story, not hers. <b>I tell no one any story but his own.</b>"</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Like Shasta in the story, we so often want to compare our stories. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It's human nature I suppose. We look to see what other moms are doing, how their children are behaving, how their adoption or fostering story is playing out, and then we measure ourselves against them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sometimes we come out on top, using another's weaknesses or failures to make ourselves feel good. Other times we don't look so good in comparison, and we allow our perception of their success to diminish or even condemn us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Either way, comparison is, as they say, odious. It is offensive, both to us and to the people to whom we are comparing ourselves, our homes, our marriages, and our children. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The best cure is as Aslan said, to listen to what God has to say to us about our lives, and trust Him with the many "but why?" questions that arise in our hearts along the way. We wonder why others seem to have children who have succeeded so well. Or why our child has not attached despite our best efforts while another family has a child who is so very well-adjusted. Maybe we are struggling with a child who has angry, hateful outburst, and then we read a sweet Facebook post about a child who told her mother how thankful she is she was adopted. In little and big ways, these comparisons add a weight to us that God does not intend. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I think Jesus was speaking to Peter about these same things when they walked along the beach that amazing day that Jesus showed up and made lunch for His friends. Jesus is telling Peter about his future calling and suffering and Peter, noticing his friend John, responds with, <b>"What about him?"</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Jesus simply won't engage with Peter to compare their two stories. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.3125px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Jesus said to him, If I want him to stay (survive, live) until I come, what is that to you? [What concern is it of yours?] You follow Me! (John 21:22 AMP)</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So my fellow adoptive parents, let us not measure ourselves and our children--our adoption stories-- against our friends, both the social media kind and the in-the-flesh kind. Rather, let's concern ourselves with what Jesus is telling us about our own lives. Let's do as He says and Follow Him, even as we "follow" each other on Facebook! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">For that frees us up to rejoice with the victories around us and to genuinely mourn with our friends who are going through hard times. This is the community of love that we all desire to be a part of!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I will end with this statement from Graham Cooke:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Rejoice in who you are. Rejoice in who you are becoming. And then have the decency to do the same for other people!</span></blockquote>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-25519485548392212872014-11-10T18:00:00.000-05:002014-11-10T20:48:16.304-05:00RUSSGLISH<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From Beth:</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">There are so many sweet blessings tucked away in adoption. So many unexpected moments of beauty. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Our youngest daughter loved to play with dolls and could spend hours playing house, but her two older sisters were not as interested. So when <a href="http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2011/05/adopted-childs-perspective-on-adoption.html">Kristina</a> came home at age 10 it was especially sweet to see the two of them disappear into a closet or hidden corner to play. <a href="http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2012/01/hearing-from-julia.html">Julia </a>had found the sister she had been missing all this time--the older sister who liked to play the way she did! </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NL3kkMFNH1A/VFpM9esOCfI/AAAAAAAADck/UmB2swk2Wjc/s1600/Julia%2B%26%2BKristina.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NL3kkMFNH1A/VFpM9esOCfI/AAAAAAAADck/UmB2swk2Wjc/s1600/Julia%2B%26%2BKristina.jpg" height="428" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Julia on the left, Kristina on the right</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As I said, it was one of those many unexpected gifts God put on display for us as we journeyed through this wonderful reality that is adoption. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">One day Stephen and I peeked into the bedroom and heard the strangest thing. We didn't want them to see us. You know how that is--when you have two children playing happily the last thing in the world you want to do is put an end to it! And we were about as stretched thin as we could stand trying to make the adjustment to adding two older children into our family. Makes me tired just thinking of it! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So, we quietly stood at the door and listened to the most precious sounds. The two new sisters were playing dolls and Kristina, who didn't speak English was jabbering away to Julia. Julia, who didn't speak Russian, was replying back. Both were completely engaged; neither frustrated with a lack of communication. Then we'd hear sweet Kristina throwing in some English words she'd picked up. And Julia mixed in some of the Russian words that had begun to be familiar in our home. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We called it Russglish, and they played in that language for many months. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This is what adoption does to a family. It changes all of you. It pulls on each member to yield and morph and grow and adjust. We are not the family we would have been had we not adopted, as surely as our adopted children are not the people they would have been had they not become Templetons. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am deeply thankful to our God who does not leave any of us the way we are, always calling us forward into new places of growth. I want to be as open to change as those two little girls were, willing to change the language of my life so that it communicates more accurately His love. Adoption has been doing that work in our families, as I imagine it is doing in yours as well.</span><br />
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-80434770874061490102014-11-07T06:30:00.000-05:002014-11-07T06:30:03.472-05:00FEARLESS PARENTING<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From Beth:</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>"Do Not Be Afraid!"</b>--it's all over the bible, f</span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">rom beginning to end, persistent and compelling. It's like God is saying to me, "No really Beth. Do you hear? I am serious-- do not be afraid. Yes, I get it. There are some scary realities, but I'm not backing down on this one." </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The words somehow feel like more of an invitation than a demand, more like a comfort and a promise. From Genesis (15:1) where God appears to Abram in a vision and tells him, "Fear Not," to Revelation (1:17) when Jesus appears to John with "Do Not Be Afraid," we see scenario after scenario where we are given this </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">comforting command.</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Our adoption journey has helped me to understand why all these people needed to hear some version of "Don't Be Afraid," for God's ways are scary! His ideas and vision for us are so extraordinary, so "out there," that fear is almost always part of my human reaction. And adoptive parenting has provided oh so many opportunities to fear! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">How kind of our God to command<i> and</i> comfort, to demand <i>and</i> invite, all at the same time! He leads me out of my fearful state, for He has places for me to go with Him. And He is wanting me to bring my children along too! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I remember <a href="http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2012/08/parenting-in-fear-it-doesnt-work.html">my fears </a>when God first called us to adopt. I'm sure many of you relate to my <a href="http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2014/05/so-what-if.html">fear-filled </a><i><a href="http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2014/05/so-what-if.html">what ifs</a>--</i>what if we didn't hear God accurately, what if we don't have what it takes, what if the children we feel God is calling us to don't actually come home, what if our finances or paperwork don't come through, what if our children already at home are damaged, what if I can't be the parent my children need, what if they have serious issues I can't handle, what if things turn out really "badly," ........??? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">That list could go on and on, right?! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But then there is His voice directing me, "Beth, don't be afraid. Don't let these possibilities intimidate you." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">And do you know what reason He gives for us not to be afraid? Have you ever noticed? Almost always God tells us not to fear </span><b><span style="font-size: large;">because</span></b></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"> He is with us.</span></b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Fear asks, <i>What If?</i> Love asks, <i>Who With?</i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He doesn't tell us that He will make it so we avoid all things that frighten. No. But He does, over and over throughout the scriptures, tell His people that whatever it is that frightens them will never be bigger than His awesome presence with us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I love what Moses tell the Israelites as they face the many obstacles of entering the Promised Land,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.</i> (Deuteronomy 31:6 MSG)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">How good is that?! God strides ahead AND is right there alongside. This is who I've known Him to be to me throughout the 16 years since He spoke to us about adoption. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Always ahead. Always with. Always greater.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">And you know, He truly has never let me down. I see how He has walked with me as I have parented our children, continually calling me to </span><b><span style="font-size: large;">fearless parenting, </span></b><span style="font-size: large;">commanding that I not parent my children out of my fears for their future-- for what life will look like for them if they don't attach well, or if they don't learn to trust, or if they don't receive the healing from all the abuse and rejection of their pasts. Yes, apart from God's love, which truly does cast out all fear (1 John 4:18), I can justify some fear in my parenting approach. But in the context of His love for me and His love for my </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">children, there is no place for fear. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So my friends, the next time your child rages for hours, or can't sleep at night, or continues to hoard food, or seems unable to look you in the eyes or receive your hug, or lies, or........ hear Father God commanding you to Fear Not! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">For He is with you. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He is with your child. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He is faithful. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>God, today I release my fears for my child to You once again. I want to be a fearless parent! May Your perfect love for me and Your perfect love for my child drive all fear from our relationship. Amen. </i></span></blockquote>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-87534275000763154152014-11-03T17:12:00.000-05:002014-11-03T17:12:20.915-05:00A BEAUTIFUL MESS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>From our friend <a href="http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2013/09/a-foster-mothers-story.html">Gina McCarn</a>. We very much appreciate hearing about the realities foster parents face. May we all see the beauty in the mess!!</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Perhaps one of the most beautiful messes is foster care. I became a foster mom 21 months ago. We are still in our very first placement with two little boys. Our family has grown to 5 children ages 3-11. The joy this has brought me as a mother is unexpected to me. I expected to provide care, both physical and emotional, to these little boys.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I did not expect to fall head over hills in love with them. I prayed the LORD would break my heart for them and give me the desire to fight for them and love them as much as the children that shared my body for nine months. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I did not expect that sometimes I would forget I did not give birth to each boy. Sometimes when the older one asks me questions about him being a baby, I have to remind myself that I didn't know him as a baby because I can easily picture what he was like. I know him that well. He's lived with me for 21 months. I have rocked him to sleep. I have cried with him. I have played trains with him. Phil and I were there when he learned to ride a bike and write his name. We have cleaned up boo-boos and disciplined with love and truth. We have blown out birthday candles with him. I walk him to the bus each morning. I recently surprised him with a Captain America costume. I am watching him learn to read. I listened as he asked Phil to help invite Jesus to live in his heart. I dream of his future. I pray for his wife. He and I dream about him being a daddy just like Phil. We try to guess what he's gonna look like at age 20. I imagine he will be a much bigger version of this current 5-year-old boy sitting at the kitchen table gulping down homemade food while I sort out his laundry from college. These little boys are woven into our family. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I don't even hesitate anymore when people ask me about my children. I answer without thinking. "I have 5 kids. 4 crazy, stinky boys and 1 beautiful princess". </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">However, there is so much more to the story of how the McCarns became a family of 7. These sweet faces joined our family out of significant loss. In the early days of them joining our family, I also didn't expect how much my heart would break for their mom. Milestones pass. They are growing. They are learning. She is missing all of this. Recently I sat in our youngest's bedroom floor after tucking him in for the night. He's officially been with us longer than he was elsewhere. I was struck with heavy grief for him. Where is his mom? Is she okay? Does he remember her, what she looks like, what she sounds like? I try to keep her memory vivid for both boys. Her picture hangs in their room. We guess together that the youngest must have her sense of humor. The older boy must have her fast legs. They both have her intelligence. They both have her contagious smile. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We don't know how this journey will last. Phil and I started with anticipation and the hope that a family could be reunited. I had so much compassion for their mom. I believed she could do this and get her kids back. I would often tell people that this was going to take time and that we needed to be patient. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Even my patience has grown weary because I want answers!</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> The LORD so gently reminds me that his timing is perfect. He is not restricted by time. The LORD reminds me these are His children. He doesn't need us to write this story, but He has chosen us. We must be patient and let everyone do their job. No stone should go unturned. No effort should be dismissed for the sake of efficiency. We must trust the LORD has gone before every court case, family visit, and appointment that comes our way. I need to trust Him and His promises. Each day, I choose to remember that there is a mom that gave birth to them that also had dreams and hopes for them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It would be so easy to judge her and think that she and I are so different, including our sins, but they aren't different. We both have sins. I can</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> look somewhat heroic because I am cast in the kind light of a foster mom. Her sins may look uglier and more grievous because of the mistakes she's made. However, judgement of a mother is not what we were asked to do as a foster family and the goal of foster care is ultimately reunification of the family. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We were asked to stand in the gap and help with a need while a mother needed grace, assistance and patience. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Whether we pack the boys' bags to go home, or they become McCarns forever, I want to be able to look them in the eyes knowing we did everything we could to fight for their family. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I did not expect to love these boys the way we do. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I did not expect to see so much of my own brokenness along the way. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I did not expect the mess. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I did not expect their case to take this long. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I did not expect my children to love these boys so much. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I did not expect the compassion and sadness I feel for their mom, but the LORD did. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He expected all of it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He calls us into the mess and shows us beauty through unexpected, unimaginable ways. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He invites us to follow HIM with details missing and sometimes without an end in sight. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He loves us through each step. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He's there meeting us even when our answers are not His desires. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When we look for His fingerprints, we find beauty in the mess.</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-32518850307457835212014-10-16T06:30:00.000-04:002014-10-16T12:01:23.153-04:00IS ADOPTION TOO HARD?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From Beth:</span></h2>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I don't think I've met a parent in the process of adoption with children at home already who doesn't ask this question, in some form or other: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">How will this affect my children? Will they be harmed? What if they are hurt through this decision to adopt? </span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We need to ask these questions. Going into adoption with our eyes opened and the rose colored glasses off is important for sure. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It was a question Stephen and I asked when we first realized God was calling us to adopt. I told the Lord this was fine and good and all, but I couldn't do something that would place our three girls in danger. I told Him that I needed to be sure we really were hearing right. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So many unknowns. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So many scary stories and warnings from well-meaning friends. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So, as with all things in this life, it comes down to this:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>What Is <i><u>God</u></i> Saying?</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As we prayed, Stephen felt the Lord respond to our concerns. God told us that yes, it would be hard on our daughters. It would cost them something. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But He assured us that it would be the kind of hard that would build them up, not tear them down or bring damage to them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And that was all we needed to hear. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We realized that actually it wasn't our goal to try to create a home where nothing bad or hard ever happened. We weren't looking for a life where our girls had no challenges to overcome. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In reality, we came to embrace the fact that adoption would bring challenges into our home. And indeed, that has been the case--<a href="http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2012/05/yes.html">far more than we anticipated</a> actually. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">How true is it that challenges and hard times are often the very best way to know Jesus in deeper ways?! And that right there is really what our parenting is all about. That is the bottom line. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So we embrace what is hard, knowing it is all happening in the context of love and in the safety of God's plan for our children, both the ones born to us and the ones grafted in. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Those of you who had children at home before you adopted or fostered, what helped prepare your children? What helped make the hard times productive for your child?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Here are a few of my thoughts:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Prepare children ahead of time by talking about the life your adopted or foster children are experiencing. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As much as it is possible for you, begin to create a common history even before the adoption. We were all amazed to find out there was a live webcam in Vyborg, Russia, so we could see the people walking down the street, see what they were wearing and how cold it was. Make use of the internet to find out about the history and culture of the place your child lives. If it is possible, write letters and send gifts as a family. We have some of the sweetest notes from our children to their new siblings and those interchanges did much to connect us as a family. Although this is not possible or wise for everyone, when it is appropriate travel as a family to receive your new child. The common experience you will have as a family in your adopted child's environment will expand understanding and compassion. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The week we shared as a family in Russia before each adoption gave us our first family stories, not in our home, but in our adopted children's homes! </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Anticipate what is ahead POSITIVELY. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We might be tempted to tell our children how hard it is going to be, how they will be jealous and how difficult their new sibling might be. Rather, stress the positive as you prepare for the challenges ahead. Don't ignore the fact that life is about to change, but help your children see their role from a place of strength. For instance you might say, "Sometimes you might feel like you want mommy's attention when I am feeding the new baby (or helping teach your sister English, etc...) You are going to be such a good helper. Isn't it good that God has made you to be the big sister?! You'll get to teach her so many things. Do you think you could teach her how to get dressed by herself like you do? (or help her learn English words?)" </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Emphasizing the role of the sibling, as the one who can help and give with an open heart will help your children see that things are going to be required of them, but that they can give with love rather than see this season as a time where things are taken from them.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Let your children know, not once but over and over and even years after your new child comes home, that there is no topic off limits. They may need to be able to say "I wish we had never adopted," or "I don't like the way it is." Give them the freedom to let you know when they are not doing well with all the "hard" stuff. Make time to let them talk to you, without fear of judgement or correction. This freedom will take you all through many a tough time!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">See the challenges as <b>an opportune time. </b>Help your child recognize for her/himself that when we are weak it is actually right there that we get to know God and the strength of His love for us in a new, deeper way. Be sure to pray together through the hard times and painful issues. The enemy would love to use this as an opportune time to speak his lies, but God has better plans for your children!!</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Read about adoption from the perspective of <a href="http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2011/06/biological-childs-perspective-on.html">children born into the adoptive family</a> on our blog by clicking on the Children's Stories tab. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Do you know an older child who has a story to tell? We are interested in hearing from teen and adult children, both those born into the family and those adopted. (Not every story will be accepted.) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Email us at hopeathome@northlandschurch.com</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-5010540845723814742014-10-13T06:30:00.000-04:002014-10-13T06:30:02.671-04:00THE HUNTED ONES<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From Beth: </span></h2>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I remember those days that some of you are living in right now. Those days when if I could just have a moment to myself (even if it only meant privacy in the bathroom!) it felt like I might survive the day. This photo I saw in my Facebook feed recently is too true!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">With 7 children, I have to admit that sometimes I felt hunted....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Mommy, I'm hungry.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Mommy, can I watch a movie?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Mommy, he cheated.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Mommy, look at me, look at me, watch what I can do!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.......</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Mommmmyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Of course, some of these words came out in Russian, some in screams, some in excitement, some in joy-- that is the mommy life, and I loved it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But you do sometimes get weary of being pursued, of being followed. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">And in the thick middle of all these demands I am</span><b><span style="font-size: large;"> pursued by Another.</span></b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Surely or only goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life... (Psalm 23:6 AMP)</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Chased down by the One who </span><b><span style="font-size: large;">is</span></b><span style="font-size: large;"> Goodness, Mercy and Unfailing Love.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Did you know that the word for <i>follow</i> means<i> to pursue, to chase</i>. How cool is that?! In other verses it is translated<i> to hunt down</i>. God is chasing us down friends. Not to accuse us or to expose or chastise. Not to demand things of us. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">NO! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He is chasing us down with His love. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">We are the hunted ones.</span></b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Surely </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Only</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And looking back I see it is true--in seasons of ease and joy, and in seasons of pain and grief--I am one who is pursued. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Never left alone. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Never, not one moment of one day, have I been left to myself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Oh thank you Lord God. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Thank You. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Holy Spirit, would You help me live as one who is hunted? Show me the goodness, mercy and unfailing love that pursues me this day. Help me to show my children that they too are hunted ones. Thank You Father that You will never leave me alone, that not a day of my life will I live apart from The Hunt! </i></span></blockquote>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-89510444280636769582014-10-09T18:00:00.000-04:002014-10-09T18:01:33.825-04:00LOVE POURED OUT!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When you've done something 4 years in a row you might think it could get just a little "been-there-done-that-ish"--right? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Not even close! Hope at Home 2014 was just what God told us it would be--above and beyond. I know a lot of you reading this were not able to be with us, but those of us that were there felt, once again, the love of God for us and for our children.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We hope that through our Blog, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopeathomeblog">Facebook Page</a>, <a href="http://www.pinterest.com/hopeathomeadopt/">Pinterest </a>and Twitter that we are able to share this love so needed by us all--for</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> His love is </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">effective </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">powerful </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">practical </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">healing</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">enduring</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">and GOOD! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Enjoy these photos from our dear friend Ruth and her team, along with some comments from parents who attended. And while you are at it, mark your calendars for Hope at Home 2015, September 25-26!!</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beth and Susan--cofounders of Hope at Home</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">THANK YOU....THANK YOU!!!!! We thank you all for touching us, loving us, and allowing God to so freely speak through you. We hope to see you at Hope at Home 2015!!</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thank you for your faithfulness. I was very encouraged and blessed.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></blockquote>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Getting Real" Parent Panel</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My husband and I left the conference feeling refreshed and renewed. The conference was wonderful. We came back excited and expecting God to move in a miraculous way for the well-being of our girls. We are so thankful for all the speakers. God used all of them to speak to us in unique ways. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our breakout for fathers is always a favorite. </td></tr>
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</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First of all, I just want to say thank you for your obedience to the Lord in what He has called you to take part in with Hope at Home. The very things I was struggling with were touched on this past weekend...so THANK YOU for listening to His voice. We truly had a wonderful weekend and were very pleased with how well things were prepared for us and how welcomed we felt by everyone. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Again, thank you SO much for everything. I know hours of preparation goes in to something like this past weekend, so praying for rest for you and the others who made it happen!</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-r5PO-QZMn6Y/VDbxn2D01GI/AAAAAAAADYc/p_k-1EJSMqQ/s1600/IMG_6476.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-r5PO-QZMn6Y/VDbxn2D01GI/AAAAAAAADYc/p_k-1EJSMqQ/s1600/IMG_6476.jpeg" height="426" width="640" /></a></span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Hope at Home After Party with International Deserts and Live Jazz--so fun!</td></tr>
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</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I will recommend this to ALL my foster friends, as it is so not typical of what we get in the form of training. For most other training we feel as if we are just "doing our time" and there is nothing new. But with this one, it is the hope that all foster families need, the only hope that will help in raising/fostering these little ones, the hope of Jesus! </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The opportunity to pray together is priceless. We love standing in faith with you, trusting God together for His kingdom to come in our families. </td></tr>
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</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What I want to say, is thank you! Thank you for making the entire conference about Jesus! Thank you for encouragement and refreshment in the Lord, thank you for including the guys who are often left out, thank you for the section on marriage and thank you so much for the prayer room! I love prayer and that part was very, very special to me! I loved the pastor's message too....there wasn't actually anything I didn't like!</span></span></blockquote>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Scott Means' message was just what our marriages needed! </td></tr>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-17104100777335340302014-09-14T19:54:00.000-04:002014-09-14T19:55:43.188-04:00"IT'S FRIDAY, BUT SUNDAY'S COMIN!"--A PARENT'S PERSPECTIVE <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From Susan: </span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Just 2 more weeks to <a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/">Hope at Home 2014</a>!! If you have already registered, we are praying for you and your family by name. It is hard to express our sense of confidence in the Lord for this event. We are EXCITED!! </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>And if you have not registered, our arms and hearts are open wide to welcome you dear friends. Please consider joining us for this gathering of <a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/">Real Families, sharing Real Help and Real Hope</a>.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We all have those little quotes that stick like glue in our memories. This quote by Tony Campolo was actually His trademark. No matter what we or those we love may suffer on any given day, the truth is, in Jesus, we know the that even when it feels like crucifixion-Friday, resurrection-Sunday is coming! And if you are living on the resurrection-Sunday part of this week, there is someone within your reach who needs you to pull them along towards you, as there are certainly friends and family close by who are today in the crucifixion-Friday side of life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I invite all of you to peek into what I keep seeing that the future holds for those called to help pray and love children into living like the treasures God created them to be! I separate our family adoption story into the beginning, the middle, and the ending.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The Beginning </span></b></h3>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Life is busy, physically and emotionally tiring, full of school, homework, meals, music/art/sports lessons and events, funny stories like the day Vasya put his tooth that just fell out into the crack of the baseboard for the mice, only to burst into tears when all his brothers and sisters hollered, 'stop! stop! In America we give our old teeth to the fairy so we get money, instead of giving it to the mice who are living hidden behind the walls!!' And Vasya bursts into tears as the rest of the kids are shaking back their giggles. So I save the day assuring him that I know the tooth fairy and will tell her to come anyway! </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">While the practical challenges are exaggerated, the silly stories to offset them bring somewhat of a balance. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We pray their faith will become their own, and not just their parents'. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We tend to our children's hearts and souls, trusting that they and we are being raised together to the kind of newness of life that Jesus' resurrection ushers in by His Holy Spirit who comes to live in our hearts. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We pray the Lord will meet them where they are and they will feel His supernatural help that transforms problems with school and friends and neighbors and family and feelings, by the love of the Holy Spirit, poured out into their tender hearts, often through our tender affection.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The Middle</span></b></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As kids from hard places walk through the teen 13 to 19 and young adult years, they, like Peter, often try on their orphan identities again. You see, that Erikson Developmental Stage of </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2012/02/puzzled.html"><span style="font-size: large;">identity versus role confusion</span></a><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">(</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">ages 13-19)</span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"> </b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">must be worked through. Only if they are believing they are who Jesus says they are--sons and daughters of the King of kings and sons and daughters of their loving parents, or as Luke calls us, <i>children of the resurrection,</i> will they be able to walk in emotional and spiritual health. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It is typically a process, and they often flip in and out of the opposing poles. While we would </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">love to force</span></b><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"> </b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">them into the right pole--the sonship/daughtership pole--the only help that is ultimately effective is the </span><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">force to love</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">approach. That is, I force myself to focus on love more than change. And the Fount of Love Himself gives me His love, Jesus' love, the love that we tell them about when they are little. This is the love that will never change even if they are "bad.'' </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So when they make bad choices that have bad consequences, we keep reminding them, "I know who you are, even though you are not living like who you are. You are kind, loving, generous...."--whatever those unique giftings are we see in them. We keep speaking truth even when they are themselves believing lies and living lies, telling themselves things like "I am worthless; my life will be bad; no girl will ever want to marry me; I will not be able to get a good job; I am a failure....." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In these years, particularly, we are they who must keep seeing the Invisible Hand of our Loving Lord, placing angel armies around them and around us. We trust that their story will end like Peter's, who, in spite of denying who he is and who Jesus is, He ends up being the one who </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">feeds the sheep, tends the sheep, and feeds the lambs--over and over and over again. Just read Acts for all that Peter changes to accomplish, after He is fully filled with the Holy Spirit and comes to see Himself as Jesus saw him all along.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The End</span></b></h3>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">All the kids will grow up and leave home and we will all become empty nesters. I didn't really think this would ever happen to me! What is that like? Well, for me, it is WONDERFUL! I get to keep the relationships with our children who value keeping the relationship (most of them do!) and keep loving them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">At this stage, they must move through </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">intimacy versus isolaton</span></b><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"> </b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">(20-30ish). When their hearts are broken by a boyfriend or girlfriend, this fear of aloneness and abandonment is more destructive in its "crucifixion-Friday" threat--and we keep reminding them that they have a SURE HOPE of intimacy with Jesus and with us and with other believers that no one and nothing could ever threaten! When we see them isolating themselves we text and call and email and instagram messages to them that are reminders of the hope we ourselves determine will be our own trademark. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And we keep loving with a view to "Sunday's comin'!" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And we keep loving all the others the Lord is sending our way -- the </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"whoevers" of Mark 3-- "whoever does the will of my Father, He is my brother and sister and mother"--and I would add "and son and daughter."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Lord Jesus, today we pray for all those in every country who are loving children who need families and who need You; we pray that we would be living the 'Sunday's comin!' life of hope in Your being an anchor for our souls. And that as we do, our children and many others would simply copy us as we copy You. I just love how, virtually every time You, Jesus, speak in the gospels of your coming crucifixion, You yourself always add: "and the third day I will rise.' We praise You for John 6, that You, when you remind us four times that You are the bread of life, You also remind us over and over that when we COME TO YOU, that YOU raise us up to newness of life. Evermore strengthen us to walk in this resurrection-raised-Sunday's comin! life. For your glory. For the hope of our hearts, our homes, our world. In Jesus Name. Amen.</i></span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-30867965474651971002014-09-04T06:30:00.000-04:002014-09-04T13:33:42.579-04:00HOPE AT HOME 2014 BREAKOUTS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; line-height: 25px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #666666;">It is hard to describe how exciting and humbling it is for us to prepare and share these breakout sessions for</span><span style="color: #666666; font-weight: bold;"> </span><a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/">Hope at Home 2014<span style="color: #666666;"> </span></a><span style="color: #666666;">September 26-27. We are full of anticipation and hope for our time together with you all. There is still time for you to </span><a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hopeathome" style="color: #88bb21; text-decoration: none;">register</a><span style="color: #666666;">-- come on and join us for this weekend of refreshing, equipping and HOPE for adoptive, foster and waiting parents. </span></span></i></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: large;">1. Fathering: Bringing Peace, Order and Life Into Our Homes</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"> </span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">In this breakout for dads, we'll discuss the awesome role we have as fathers to bring peace, stability, order and life to our homes. We'll address practical issues, sharing systems that have been helpful in bringing freedom to our wives and children. We'll talk about the power to define that we have as fathers, and how we can instill in our children their true identity by hearing from the Lord for each child and speaking words of life over them. </span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal;"> </span><i style="font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal;">Stephen Templeton and Greg Haswel</i></span><i style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large; font-weight: normal;">l</i></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">The process of bringing our children to a point of spiritual, emotional, and economic maturity and independence is difficult in the best of situations. It is often even more difficult with adopted children. Rather than letting go and letting God, we will look at the hope brought by letting God and then letting go. </span><i style="font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">Susan and Brian Hillis</span></i></h2>
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<span style="font-size: large;">What a gift from God it is to be called mother/mom/mama. Answering this call brings much joy, satisfaction, challenge, and at times deep heartache. Many mothers find themselves facing an identity crisis. As lives are poured out for the sake of our children, questions such as Who am I? Am I qualified for this? How do others do it? arise in our hearts. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In this breakout for mothers, we will take a look at some of the answers to these questions from heaven's perspective. <i>Michelle Haswell</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">How do we create, maintain, and deepen our parent/child love connection, and at the same time provide the much-needed structure of discipline? We'll talk about some practical parenting tools and concepts that free us to be grace-filled and forward-looking parents. </span><i style="font-weight: normal;">Beth Templeton</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This session will look at the nature of fear and anxiety and the biblical possibility of gaining freedom in Christ from fear and anxiety. We will discuss some practical ways to identify fear and anxiety as well as turning effects of fear and anxiety into acts of worship. We will also offer a time of Questions and Answers. <i>Dr. Terry Mitchell</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This breakout will offer practical ideas and teaching on helping your child enjoy their relationship with our Heavenly Father. As children encounter the love of God, they are released from the orphan spirit and discover their true identity as sons and daughters.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> <i>Jenni Means</i></span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-14994874458854004652014-08-31T18:30:00.000-04:002014-09-01T11:29:34.648-04:00EMBEDDED PRAYER<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From Beth:</span></h2>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Susan Hillis and I, and our whole team, so ready to see you all at </span><a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Hope at Home 2014</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">. Oh how we would love for you to join us so that we can stand together with you, linking shields on behalf of each treasured child, the ones in your home and the ones yet to come home. <a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/">Register Now </a>for this special gathering created just for you! </span></i></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It is such fun to share on Facebook or Instagram the joyful and fun moments of our lives. We rejoice with one another in those sweet moments captured and shared--and this is how it should be. Here is a photo I shared this summer when all 7 of our children were together at the beach. Mind you it was all of 5 hours before two of the kids had to leave, after one had just arrived that morning, but we were not going to miss an opportunity to take a photo! So much goodness and evidence of God at work in this picture!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But then there are those moments we would never think to take a photo of--and certainly NEVER would we share them on social media! Those moments of heartache and disappointment are the ones we private message to a trusted friend. God is Lord over them all, the private pains and public celebration. How thankful we all are that His faithfulness is not limited to the happy days of Facebook posts!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We get many private messages from parents whose children are in seasons of serious need and vulnerability--the kind of scenarios we have all so hoped to avoid. We hear stories of rebellion, addiction, psychological diagnoses, sexual acting out, unhealed attachment disorder, removal from home, trouble with the law..... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And indeed, both Susan and I have faced many of these extreme situations in our own families, interspersed amongst the never-ending stream of true beauty and joy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And we too have sought words of life and hope, both for our saddened hearts and for our children's lives. So, whether you are facing one of these extreme situations or not, I know that you are praying for your child, trusting God for wonderful things for him/her. In the end, is this not the bottom line for us parents? That our children thrive and enjoy the fullness of life that is theirs in Jesus? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Take a quick look at what Jesus prays for Peter (Luke 22:32) before He is taken by the Roman guards, on His way to the cross. <i>Remember,</i> this is JESUS CHRIST PRAYING. He tells Peter, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But I have prayed for you, Peter, that you would stay faithful to Me no matter what comes! </span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Now, I know you all know what happens in the ensuing hours. Despite Jesus' prayer, Peter does indeed break faith with Jesus. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It might seem that Jesus' prayer for Peter was ineffective that Thursday night--that it somehow "didn't work." </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Is this even possible<i>?</i></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> How can this be?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But hold on a minute-- let's read what Jesus says next to his disciple: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Remember this: After you have turned back to Me and have been restored, make it your life mission to strengthen the faith of your brothers! </span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Jesus saw past the unfaithfulness to a time of repentance, restoration, and ministry. </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">His prayer was embedded with provision for all contingencies!</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And the very thing Jesus prayed for--that Peter would be faithful no matter what happened--becomes Peter's life mission. Peter spent the rest of his life, after being restored, ministering strength and faith into others. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Jesus' prayer covered it all for Peter!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So my dear friends, let us not be dismayed by what appears at the moment to be unanswered or ineffective prayers. Let's embed our prayers for our children with plans and possibilities for all contingencies. And the very place of weakness, brokenness, or sin will become the place of strength for that struggling child. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Think of it, when we think of Peter we think of the ROCK that he is. Even to this day, through the scripture, his words are strengthening us. We don't identify him according to his weakest moment. But rather, according to the words that Jesus spoke and prayed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And I believe it is just so with that child you are praying for dear ones. We identify them according to who God says they are, even<i>--and especially--</i>in those seasons where their weakness or sin is most evident, and no one is asking to take a photo to share on social media.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">For our prayers are embedded with the "no matter what comes" kind of situations, embedded with restoration and hope! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Faithful God, I pray Your word from Psalm 91 (The Passion Translation) for my child: </i></span></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>He/She makes his/her home within the shadow of El Shaddai, hidden in the strength of God-Most-High. In Him ____________ always feels safe and secure! He's the Hope that holds _________, and the Stronghold to shelter him/her. The only God for ________, and his/her Great Confidence. He will rescue __________ from every hidden trap of the enemy, and He will protect him/her from false accusation and any deadly curse. His massive arms are wrapped around _________, protecting him/her. __________ can run under His covering of majesty and hide. His faithfulness is a wrap-around shield keeping __________ from harm. </i></span></blockquote>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-5596623031281615782014-08-28T06:30:00.000-04:002014-08-28T06:30:01.674-04:00PAY ATTENTION TO THOSE NUDGES<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Planning to join us for <b><a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/">Hope at Home 2014</a></b>? Well, we sure hope so! Every time we meet to pray for you and for our time together, we have such a sense of anticipation for what our Father God has in store for us. You will be encouraged and equipped by the One who has you and your child in mind--every single moment. <a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/">REGISTER TODAY!</a></span></i></blockquote>
<h2 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From Susan:</span></h2>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Just this week I felt this crazy urgent <i>nudge</i> to call a doctor in another state with whom I had not spoken in 17 years. You see, this doctor, Doctor Bill xxxx, was our son Jonny's heart doctor, and I was savoring the memory of how his advice changed our life!!! This fond memory made me want to ask him to talk with a young couple J and B, whose first little baby was just born half way across the country, with Jonny's same heart problems--problems that only occur 1 in 250,000 births!!!</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PhQzi5exjMY/U_ZV1svTmTI/AAAAAAAADVw/VEHoIGWaM7A/s1600/brian%2Band%2Bcristi%2Band%2Bjonny%2Band%2Bme.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PhQzi5exjMY/U_ZV1svTmTI/AAAAAAAADVw/VEHoIGWaM7A/s1600/brian%2Band%2Bcristi%2Band%2Bjonny%2Band%2Bme.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Susan and Brian with Cristi and Jonny</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Now the logical side of me said, "That is a crazy idea....you don't know where Dr. Bill is working now; you don't have his phone number; even if you did, he would be busy; he has taken care of so many kids he probably doesn't even remember you; taking time you don't really have out of your day for this interruption is irrational."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>But</b> the faith-filled side of me thought, "Lord, is it You giving me this idea as a way to encourage this young family? What can I lose by trying?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So I googled his name, <Dr. Bill xxxx, pediatric cardiology> and BAM, the first link was to his office and phone number. He has gone on to become a very well known pediatric cardiologist who helps run a well known pediatric cardiology center! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Then I called the number and told his secretary, "</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This is Dr. Susan Hillis calling. I am wondering if I might speak with Dr. Bill xxxx....I am not sure he remembers me, but he took care of our son years ago."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And Dr. Bill, the <i>head </i>of a busy cardiology center, came right to the phone, "Susan Hillis, how in the world is the CDC doing and how are you doing???" </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He DID remember me!!! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And he WAS available. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And he DID answer the phone! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This BUSY man was free right when I was nudged to call.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MK9G4N8KsA4/U_ZWT7SrsqI/AAAAAAAADV4/Jmqg9aSzkms/s1600/hillis%2B5%2Boriginals%2Bwith%2Bjonny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MK9G4N8KsA4/U_ZWT7SrsqI/AAAAAAAADV4/Jmqg9aSzkms/s1600/hillis%2B5%2Boriginals%2Bwith%2Bjonny.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brian, Cristi, Trevor, and Jonny</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And this is what I told Dr. Bill, "Bill, a childhood friend of Jonny's and of our daughter Cristi has just given birth to their first baby--a precious little girl who has the same rare heart defect that Jonny did. I have just been remembering the two things you did for us that changed our life and wishing they could talk with you. I'd like to tell you what those two things were:</span><br />
<ul>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">First, when I planned to teach all our friends and all Jonny's teachers CPR, you said, "Susan, you cannot do this! If you tell others that Jonny will be at risk of sudden death from cardiac arrest every day of his life, then the adults will be afraid of him. And if the adults are afraid of Jonny then the kids will be afraid of Jonny....because kids always copy adults. What you must do instead is this: LIVE A NORMAL, HEALTHY FAMILY LIFE, AND FOCUS PRIMARILY ON LIFE, NOT ON PROTECTION FROM DEATH. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Second, when Jonny's heart was growing weaker and weaker at 10 months of age, you sat down with us and explained, "If we do nothing, you will have about 6 months, but if we operate and close the hole between the upper 2 chambers, he could have years. The catch is this: the risk of him dying from the surgery is very very high and the likelihood of the surgery working is very low. But if it did work, you would have years with your son, not months. It is up to you." Bill, do you remember that?" </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Dr. Bill replies, "Oh....I remember it like it was yesterday!" I then continued, "Well, Bill, you know that your courage won us years with our dear son--years of memories and laughter that we would NEVER have had if you had not been willing to let us make that choice. Making that choice caused many rocky months for us and for you....like that Friday and Saturday you sat by Jonny's bed when he almost died, and titrated all those potent IV meds going into his veins, with your eyes on all his numbers and monitors and pressures, to see if it would be possible for that little heart to begin to function. What I want for this young couple is for them to have someone like you, who will be willing to talk with honesty about their choices, and who is kind and capable. It is so hard to go through something like this when you are so young. We had to do it, and your help made all the difference for our entire family and for his entire life. You helped us all focus on enjoying life and not fearing death!"</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Always the gentleman, Dr. Bill thanked me sincerely and told me to have Cristi's and Jonny's friends call, which they did that very afternoon....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">and he answered their call. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And he helped them.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xjlpPnRvIr8/U_OtkVGSQXI/AAAAAAAADVc/SY1R_qQRHB8/s1600/Doctor%2BPhone.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xjlpPnRvIr8/U_OtkVGSQXI/AAAAAAAADVc/SY1R_qQRHB8/s1600/Doctor%2BPhone.png" height="460" width="640" /></a></div>
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<h3 style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So, why is this story important for adoptive/foster parents OR for any parents?!</span></b></h3>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It is important for 2 reasons:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">1. There is always someone else you will be able to help. When those nudges come, it is good to pay attention to them. It will be a blessing for you and for them!! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">(recall II Corinthians 1...those reminders to comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received from God!!!). And there will be others nudged to help you when you need it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Don't be afraid to act. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Don't be afraid to ask.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">2. The same 2 family life lessons that Dr. Bill modeled for me is what I hope to pass along to you: </span><br />
<ul>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">First, let's live as normal a life as possible, and focus on LIFE and GIFTS and ENJOYING EACH OTHER, not primarily on PROTECTION and CONSEQUENCES and DEFICIENCIES. The past month has been very hard for me--one of the hardest in years. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Unexpected rejection that is painful. Horrible realizations. But those cannot be my focus. My focus will be on LIFE and the BLESSINGS abounding even amidst sorrow.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Second, be willing to be DIVERGENT....like that movie that I just watched by the same title. Dr. Bill would have been among those "divergent: ones--he was courageous, kind, intelligent, erudite, and selfless in his service toward our sweet son and our entire family. I want to be like him. Like him with others who are walking in this same adoption calling, so that we can see weak floppy hearts with holes in them become strong, just like happened against all odds with Jonny's.</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>So this week Lord, equip us with that joy that comes from being in Your story. Thank you that, Lord Jesus, you were always focusing on life--</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>life to the full....</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>life abundant....</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>life eternal....</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>life with purpose.....</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>a life of forgiveness....</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>a life of love. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>We want to focus on LIFE. And Lord, we want to be different...divergent--those who, because our eyes are on YOU, are filled with courage and kindness and selflessness and capacity and wisdom. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>For your glory. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>For the blessing of our family and others on our path every day. Amen and amen.</i></span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-21503753196459033242014-08-25T06:30:00.000-04:002014-08-25T06:30:00.491-04:00MARRIAGE MONDAY: A WINNING STRATEGY<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We sure hope to see you at <a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/">Hope at Home 2014</a>! Join us September 26-27 in Atlanta for the refreshing and </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">encouragement and help we all need as adoptive and foster parents. </span></i></blockquote>
<h2 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From Scott:</span></span></h2>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The name of my blog is <a href="http://www.surrenderedmarriage.org/"><span style="color: #0433ff; letter-spacing: 0px;">Journey to Surrender</span></a>. I’ve been blogging there on how to have a surrendered marriage for almost four years. Yet I never really thought about the origin of the word “surrender” until recently. I have no idea why it took me so long to come around to this discovery. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What do you think of when you hear the word surrender? Do you think of one party being <i>defeated</i> by the other? Do you imagine a <i>total loss</i>? Do you think it means <i>giving up</i>? Maybe you picture a <i>white flag</i>. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Nope. Not even close. At least not in marriage anyway.</span></span></div>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Surrender in Marriage</span></b></span></h3>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The word surrender actually comes from two Anglo-Norman French words: <i>sur</i> and <i>render</i>. Let's break it down:</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 1. Sur - a prefix meaning over and above. Think surcharge or surtax. Something you pay over and above regular charges or normal taxes.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 2. Render - to give. To hand over. To abandon oneself entirely to.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Put these two together and what do you have? You have the very heart of marital surrender:</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">To go over and above in giving to your </span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">spouse, including giving yourself.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b></b></span><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Surrender in marriage is not <b>giving up</b>. It’s not even <b>giving in</b>. No! Surrender in marriage means <b>giving over. </b>It means <b>holding nothing back</b> when it comes to your relationship with your spouse.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In order to understand what something is, it is sometime helpful to examine the opposite. In marriage, the opposite of surrender is withholding.</span></span></div>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Why We Withhold</span></b></span></h3>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Withholding in marriage usually takes two basic forms. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The first is withholding when it comes to <b>meeting your spouse’s needs.</b> This is most often out of a fear of lack. “What if I give and give and never get my needs met?” This fear-based withholding generates self-protection, self-promotion and self-centeredness. This can also generate a “give-to-get” attitude; one that gives in order to get something in return. Especially when we are feeling needy ourselves, the idea of giving more generously is typically the furthest thought from our minds.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The second kind of withholding has to do with<b> trying to hide your true self from your spouse.</b> This often also comes out of fear. We fear not being accepted or loved as we are, with our weaknesses and shortcomings. Withholding yourself from your spouse can also come from fear’s evil twin, shame. Shame is a powerful emotion that causes us to hide from others, even from the one we are joined to in marriage. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; text-align: start;">naypong/</span><a href="http://123rf.com/" style="color: purple; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; text-align: start;">123rf.com</a></td></tr>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A One-Flesh Paradigm</span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In our modern world you often hear the “50-50 marriage” held up as the ideal. Equality and fairness are the measuring sticks of a success relationship, we are told. Such high ideals are hard to argue with, right?</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But I’d like to suggest to you that they aren’t really biblical ideals. As is so often the case, the Kingdom’s perspective on marriage is rather upside-down from worldly wisdom. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The truth is that <b>you and your spouse are one</b>. That’s how the Bible describes marriage. If you really believe that you are one with your spouse, then withholding, whether it be in meeting their needs or in revealing your true self, actually makes no sense. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In a one-flesh, surrendered marriage, only a 100-100 approach makes sense, where each of you is <b>all in</b>, with a goal of <b>out-giving, out-serving and out-loving each other.</b> When you fail to meet your spouse’s needs, you are actually hurting yourself at the same time, but when you bless your spouse, you are blessed too! After all, you are one!</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The other implication of an <b>“all in”</b> surrendered approach to marriage means a willingness to be naked (emotionally, physically and spiritually) with your spouse. Such nakedness and transparency requires you to let go of fear and shame and to believe in your spouse’s love and good will toward you and be willing to graciously accept the grace they extend to you. Further, you must also be willing to extend grace to your spouse as they struggle to be naked and real before you.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If you want intimacy, in all its forms, you have to be willing to be transparent and real, because fake intimacy is a non-starter. True intimacy requires that you be fully known, and to be fully known, you’ve got to get naked in every sense of the word.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Love Like That</span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Now to be clear, giving yourself is not losing yourself or denying who you are, but bringing the fullness of who you are into your marriage in order to serve and bless your spouse and strengthen your relationship. Just like Jesus brought the fullness of himself, fully God and fully man, to the cross for our benefit, in order to live in intimacy with us forever:</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A surrendered marriage isn’t the easiest or more natural path, but I believe it is the best path for every marriage. I believe it’s the path that God wants to put our marriage on. Ask Him to help you move in that direction. It’s a prayer He longs to answer, because He is very much for your marriage.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I’ll leave with one of my favorite passages of Scripture that I think cuts to the core of a surrendered marriage:</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. Ephesians 5:2 (MSG)</span></i></span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-54960979448373284802014-08-19T14:44:00.002-04:002014-08-19T14:44:53.567-04:00HOME SWEET HOME!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>I never tire of hearing how our Father God brings </i></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>children into families. The stories are endless confirmation of a miracle-working God whose love is extravagant, both for us and for our children. You will really enjoy this story from our friend Martha Cook. </i></span><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Martha and Andy have been married for 13 years. They both went to Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary where Martha got her Master of Arts in Counseling. Martha and Andy have two biological children, then two adopted from Ethiopia, then another biological son, and are now again in the process of adopting from Ethiopia! Some of you are familiar with <a href="http://promise686.org/"><span style="color: #4787ff;">Promise686.org</span></a>, a ministry they helped start and play a key role in today. Promise686 reduces barriers to adoption and fostering by giving grants, offering childcare/meals, and help equip churches to bring orphans into their homes. In her spare time, Martha coaches people in all stages of life through her business, <a href="http://www.allabouttheprocess.com/"><span style="color: #4787ff;">www.allabouttheprocess.com</span></a>.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px;"> </span></i> </blockquote>
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<b> </b><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Don't forget to register for </span><a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/"><span style="font-size: large;">Hope at Home 2014 </span></a></b><span style="font-size: large;"><b>before August 26 so that you can take advantage of our Early Bird Special.</b> </span></i></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">From Martha Cook:</span></i></span></h2>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Our oldest (11) recently asked at the dinner table, “What if Andrew (9) and Sydney (6) had to go back?” I said that’s not possible. And he said, “Yea, but what if?” </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I shared that the legal process prevented it--but he wasn’t giving up! I didn’t want the idea even in their minds, but our oldest wasn’t letting go. So, I finally said (or maybe “overstated”) in a serious voice, “<b>It’s not going to happen.</b>” </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> I had, for no substantial reason, created an awkward moment. The brief silence, at the table with the seven of us, was ended by Andrew. He stood, looked at his sister, and raised his hand to high-five her and exclaimed with a huge grin, “<b>Home Sweet Home!</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Now let me describe a different scene—6 years ago we were three weeks away from flying to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, to get Sydney who was 4 months old, when I sheepishly asked my husband to adopt <i>again</i>. This was a bold move because we hadn’t even gotten our first one so if you know him, you do not ask for something next until the first thing happens. He went through many reasons for why he just couldn’t go through this again. With each reason, I had a beautiful defense, but by the end I just outright begged, because I really wanted our daughter to have another sibling in our family with a similar story. </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">This had always been on my heart, but we had two young children already, a 4 year old and 3 year old, and that would be four children four and under. I had always hoped in my heart that somehow we would get a sibling group, but our agency had told us that it was so RARE to get a sibling group under 3 years old. So after an hour of debating, I surrendered and thought, “I’ll just have to pray about this.” He closed the conversation by saying that he’d only adopt again if the second child came alongside the first one.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The next morning, I went out to get an oil change while my husband was home from work during the day (which never happened), and he answered the phone to discover our case worker on the other end. She explained to him that Sydney’s biological brother had been brought into the orphanage and then asked my husband if we were interested in adopting Sydney’s brother. </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">My husband came to pick me up at the gas station, and casually said, “Guess what? We are having another baby.” </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Well remember, twenty-four hours before, he had just said “no,” so I thought, “What kind of mean trick is this?” I said, “What? Why are you doing this to me? This is so mean!”</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> It took him <i>six times </i>before I believed him. He finally said, “The agency called and told me Sydney’s brother who is almost three was up for adoption, and I already told them yes.” </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Only God could design circumstances such as this where I would never have to worry over whether I was pushing my own desires on to my husband--he had come around in less than one day! </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">At this point we expected we would have to wait another six months to bring our newest son home, since none of his paperwork had been done, but another prayer changed that.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Each day that went by leading up to our trip, we began dreading having to take two trips and not be able to take our son, Andrew, home when we got Sydney. We just couldn’t understand how we would be able to leave. On the plane over there we devised a plan that before going to meet the children, we would go meet with the Ethiopian director of our agency and ask to bring them both home. When we went to meet him, he looked at us as if we were a bit crazy. His answer was, “It would take a miracle to do that.” My husband replied, “Would it be okay for us to all pray right now and ask God for a miracle?” The director looked annoyed, but since it was a Christian agency I think he thought, “Well, I guess I have to do that.” My husband prayed for all of the necessary paperwork to be done in two weeks. As we left the office, we noted that the director’s mood was much lighter, and off we went to meet our children. About ten minutes later as we were in the taxi, we got a phone call from the director… He said, “You won’t believe it but one of the steps has already been done on Andrew’s paperwork. Let’s take this one day at a time and see what happens.” </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"><b>Home-Sweet-Home</b> came two weeks later.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">I think of this story frequently and some days I wonder why I ever wait to pray about my desires or concerns.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">The God who provided my children still sits on the throne today.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">Life is a bit hectic in our house, and frequently there are questions like Bobby’s persistent “What if they had to go home?” that I just don’t quite know how to answer.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">But I smile when I remember that God still provides one day at a time.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">For ongoing daily encouragement and resources, come on over to our </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopeathomeblog">Facebook</a><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopeathomeblog"> </a>page. You'll find us on <a href="https://twitter.com/hope_at_home_">Twitter</a> and <a href="http://www.pinterest.com/hopeathomeadopt/">Pinterest!</a></span></i></span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-77873809952547682742014-08-14T06:30:00.000-04:002014-08-14T06:30:00.274-04:00DANCE WITH THE ONE THAT BRUNG YA<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">From Beth:</span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 22px;"><i>Before we get to this post, just a quick reminder that <b><a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/">Hope at Home 2014</a></b> is coming up, September 26-27 and boy are we excited to see you dear friends!! Our <a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/">Early Bird Discount </a>ends August 26, so be sure to take advantage of that. Can't wait to give you all a big hug! </i></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">There's an old Texas saying from a University of Texas football coach, "Dance with the one that brung ya." </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 22px;">In sports, it means to go with the players and plays that result in wins. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">For me it means to continue on in our adoption journey the same way we began it, in the Spirit. I bet if each one of us reading this were to share how God brought us into this amazing expression of His love for orphans, we would all be telling stories of the supernatural-- of His calling, moving, providing, radical work in our lives and in the lives of our children. How many stories have you heard of people looking at a computer screen and falling in love with a complete stranger?! </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">We <i>so</i> know who is behind that! It is the Spirit of God, the Spirit of Adoption moving supernaturally. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">But somehow it seems strangely easy to almost seamlessly move from walking/dancing in the Spirit, totally aware that if God doesn't do His thing we won't get our children home, to parenting our children out of our own strength and resources. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">We got invited to this Adoption Dance, and then accepted the invitation, totally recognizing that this was not your run-of-the-mill prom. We were dancing with a partner who was moving way outside of our familiar dance steps! </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #373a3e; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 22px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">So, maybe you are like me and sometimes find yourself dancing alone. You look up and realize, what happened to my dance partner?! I'm struggling with these steps of parenting alone, in my flesh, and it's not working out so well--for me or my child!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">It reminds me of what Paul wrote to the Galatians:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">You crazy Galatians! Did someone put a hex on you? Have you taken leave of your senses?...</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 22px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God’s Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren’t smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up! (Galatians 3:1-4 MSG)</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Yep--only crazy people think they can parent their children in their own strength, knowing that it was God who brought them into their family by the Spirit. Ummm, that would be me-- at least sometimes. I am learning to PARENT IN THE SPIRIT more and more these days. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If you have the time now, listen to this wonderful song by Steffany Frizell Gretzinger, <b>We Dance</b>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Oh dear ones, let us choose today to dance with the one that brung us-- our Jesus. There is no better dance partner for us in the Adoption Dance, this<a href="http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2013/04/the-dance-of-life-song-of-sonship.html"> Dance of Love to the Song of Sonship</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Lock eyes with the One who set your feet to dancing these steps of adoption beloved, and then parent from that place of embrace and movement. </span><br />
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-51946039610307338482014-08-10T18:00:00.000-04:002014-08-10T18:00:01.901-04:00LEANING INTO THE HEADWINDS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>It is always a treat to hear from <a href="http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2013/11/filling-your-bucket.html">Greg Haswell</a>. You'll hear more from him at <b><a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/">Hope at Home 2014</a>. </b>You can <a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/">register today</a> for this gathering of adoptive, foster, and waiting parents, September 26-27, in Atlanta, Georgia. We sure would love to see you there!</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>From Greg:</b></span></h2>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It seems wrong to encounter headwinds when we start on a path that God led us to. Shouldn’t the headwinds be in our face when we’re doing the wrong things, and at our back when we’re negotiating the right paths? Yet sometimes we find ourselves doing what we know to be right and still squinting into discouragement.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Headwinds are not insurmountable; we can proceed with them in our face, but they are unpleasant. They resist us as we go forward and create drag on what we’re doing. Sometimes they gust harshly, demanding immediate withdrawal or surrender. Other times, they resist with poisoned whispers and subtle insinuations.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">When the Israelites entered the promised land under the direction of God, they faced the headwinds of discouragement and fear. Even though they were walking into great promises, they still had to fight giants and pull down strongholds. Most times they were outnumbered, outgunned, and outclassed, but they had God walking with them into all He had promised.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">As they were </span>about<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> to enter their </span>promised land, <span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">God’s instructions were especially important, and I suspect they will be equally important for us as we walk into ours.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. (</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Joshua 1:9)</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">God encouraged Joshua to be strong and courageous and forbade him to be afraid or discouraged. That is a command, and therefore it is attainable, because God never requires us to accomplish what we cannot. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">So I am here to encourage you, in submission to God, to resist the headwinds of discouragement and fear. These two impostors always seek to resist the stated will of God. If they can get us to imbibe their lies, believe their deception, or surrender to their suggestions, we lose out on the promised land. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">Remind yourself of what the Lord said when He led you here. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">Remember His kindness and goodness to you and shout at the headwinds “I will not bow down to fear or discouragement!”</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A stubborn and immediate refusal to fear allows the whispers of God to ring in our hearts loud and strong. When we are careful to resist fear and discouragement, all that is left is peace and a deep inner knowing that the days of fulfilled promises are here. The headwinds die down, and we have courage to go on in the will of God. Our arms are strengthened by following His advice.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So may your life be eased by obedience to His command. </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.</span></span> <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0px;">(Joshua 1:9)</span></blockquote>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-68567477841337042482014-08-07T06:30:00.000-04:002014-08-07T06:30:00.417-04:00MERCY DISGUISED<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><b><a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/">Hope at Home 2014</a></b>, September 26-27 is for you! This gathering of adoptive, foster, and waiting parents will be just the <a href="http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2014/05/hope-at-home-2014-to-go-beyond.html">refreshing and strengthening input </a>you and I need to parent our children for this long-haul parenting journey. Join us--we sure would love to see you in person!!</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>From Susan:</b></span></h2>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We adopted Anya and Alex at ages 8 and 7, only about a year after losing our son Jonny on that family bike ride. We were all walking toward healing together, as is always the case. Here is a story of our early adjustments--a reminder that mercy comes disguised.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From time to time I found myself crying, but this time I was crying over the slow and steady infusions of renewed life to which death was slowly yielding. Like the time shortly after our return to Atlanta, when Alex wanted to go to the drug store with Brian and motioned for Brian to wait because he needed to change clothes–-he ran and put on one of Jonny’s old Halloween costumes, having no idea what Halloween was or why we had those costumes or even to whom those costumes belonged. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Alex had never known Jonny, yet he was doing just what Jonny would have done. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And the hilarious memory that I thought I had lost forever-– the memory of our exuberant son Jonny dressing up crazily to celebrate the simplest of days--had reentered my life in our new son Alex who had never even known him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Only the Lord could have orchestrated this surprise! And I laughed through dancing eyes and glistening tears, because this spectacle so often experienced in Jonny's lifetime had been mysteriously revived through Alex. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The same kind of thing happened when Anya, shortly after learning how to operate the CD player, stood in front of it with the music up full blast, dancing and singing. Again I laughed through dancing eyes and glistening tears because this experience, so often lived with Jonny, had come back into my life again in a way that only Mercy could explain. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But the Mercy ran on a two-way street. There was the time when Brian was in our backyard in the spring, raking up old leaves, and found a little dead bird buried beneath the brittle brown leaves. Without thought, he picked it up and tossed it over the fence. Anya suddenly became hysterical, screaming at the top of her lungs in Russian, which by now I had come to understand, “Daddy threw away the baby!!!! Daddy threw away the baby!!!!”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I tried with no success to explain that the baby bird was dead, only to be drowned out by Anya’s sobs of hysteria. In frustration I looked at Brian and said, “You caused this and you are going to have to fix it.”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So Brian came over to Anya in his calm way, took her hand and led her inside, then sat on the couch after placing her facing him as she perched on his lap. He looked her squarely in the eye and with his father’s love and heart, spoke softly but with authority, “Anya, let me tell you how much I love you. I love you so much that I got in a big airplane and went all the way over to Russia, and then I went and found you and brought you home. I will always be your daddy and you will always be my little girl. I will never leave you and I will do all I can to make sure no danger ever hurts you. Do you want to go on a walk?”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">By the time he had finished these assurances, Anya was calm, and she seemed to have recovered from the reminder that the dead little abandoned bird had a fate that could have become hers; now she understood what it meant for her daddy to love her. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We now were once again living in a family who together savored life in spite of each of our previous encounters with death. In God’s irony, one son’s death had unlocked life--life of the body, soul, and spirit, for Anya and Alex. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And as He was unlocking life for them, He was unlocking it us all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The Lord's mercies are indeed new every morning! Let's look up and see them!</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-29133836178616282202014-08-03T18:36:00.000-04:002014-08-03T18:36:05.207-04:00OUR FAVORITE SPEAKERS!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><i>Feeling we need to share this one again! </i></span></span></h2>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">We have a very special guest who has committed to join us for this year's </span><b><a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/"><span style="font-size: large;">Hope at Home</span></a></b></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> gathering. We've been in communication with him all year, and even enjoyed some face-to-face meetings with him and our team. We are so excited! You are not going to want to miss this! His heart for adoptive, foster and waiting mothers and fathers is the driving force behind all that we do at Hope at Home. We've heard what he has to say about us parents and our families--his </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">words </span><span style="font-size: large;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">never</i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">fail</i></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> to direct, strengthen, encourage and help parents in their adoption and fostering stories. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He's asked us if it is alright if He brings his son along, as well as his friend, who is well-known all over the world for his work amongst believers. That was an easy decision for our team-- YES! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">These guys are a amazing together. It has been inspiring for our Hope at Home team to watch how they work together as a unit. There is such a refreshing and powerful oneness in all that they do.</span><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gm3Fd7fIq30/U964uD4eUeI/AAAAAAAADS0/Raj9F_AGG-c/s1600/photo+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gm3Fd7fIq30/U964uD4eUeI/AAAAAAAADS0/Raj9F_AGG-c/s1600/photo+1.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So let me tell you a bit about our main speaker's friend first. As the planners of the event, we love that he comes ahead of time to prepare the way and then stays afterwards to finish the work he started. He's been known to actually come into your home and work alongside you as you parent your children. His help and wisdom is priceless. There have been times where he has contacted us about a matter regarding our adoptions or parenting, and he has always been spot-on! If you haven't already met him at other events, you are going to love him! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And the son... oh my! Seriously, we've never met a kinder person. He is so generous. So gracious. If you needed a shirt, he'd give you the one on his back. He wouldn't hesitate to lay down his life for a friend. It's strange to say, but in our experience he seems to always have the right solution to our parenting concerns, and whenever he speaks it's like this unexplainable peace comes over those who listen. He's never arrogant about it, as some speakers might be, but he really does seem to have the answer to everything; it's like he IS the answer.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And then there's the dad, our main speaker... well, like I said, you seriously do not want to miss this. When he's come to other events we've been to he seems to be so happy; we've heard it said of him that he is always in a good mood. And it blesses us greatly that he seems to be genuinely excited to bring in other speakers to partner with him. He's already been communicating to our team about who amongst us he wants to speak alongside him. It's super-humbling for all of us, and a bit scary for some, but it's so hard to say "no" to him once you've gotten to know him. It's like he knows how it's all going to turn out and is ALWAYS assuring us that he'll be right there to cover any blunders on our part. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If that is not enough, wait til you hear this--they've all three agreed to meet with each one of you personally. I know, crazy right?! How could that even be possible? If I hadn't seen it before at our <a href="http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2012/10/wonderful-weekend.html">previous Hope at Home events</a>, I would be doubtful myself. But sure enough, somehow he pulls it off. Our suggestion to you is to plan on meeting with all three; you may have some questions or areas of interest you want to address with each one. Some of us have learned how wonderful it is just to hang out and enjoy the privilege of having one-on-one time with speakers of this caliber. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Oh yes, one more thing... they are trained in healing of all sorts, both physical and emotional, so if you have a healing need be sure to look for them. They've been training some of our folks here at <a href="http://northlandschurch.com/">Northlands</a> to be physician's assistants over the past few years, so we are pretty excited to be able to participate. It is so touching that all three seem to care so very deeply about each and every one of our children-- adopted, biological and foster. It's almost like they love them more than we, their parents, do. Really! I can't explain it, I'm just telling it like it is.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">This is all to say--we are so filled with hope for <b><a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/">Hope at Home 2014</a></b> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">And our hearts are full with anticipation to spend September 26-27 with you here in Atlanta, Georgia, along with our awesome God--Father, Son and Holy Spirit. To take advantage of the early bird registration rate and to read more details </span><a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/"><b><span style="font-size: large;">REGISTER NOW.</span></b></a><span style="font-size: large;"> (It also helps us a lot in our planning:~)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">To keep up with Hope at Home 2014 news and to enjoy ongoing encouragement and help, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hopeathomeblog">Find us on FACEBOOK.</a> </span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4664215418091934176.post-72045213411895844632014-08-01T08:27:00.000-04:002014-08-01T08:27:44.880-04:00WHAT WE DO NOT SEE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>We are loving preparing to receive you at our annual gathering! <a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/" style="font-weight: bold;">Hope at Home 2014</a><b> </b>is a gathering for mothers and fathers who are looking for encouragement and refreshing, a time set aside to connect with other parents and with our own Father God, a time to learn and grow and have some fun! Join us in Atlanta, September 26-27. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><a href="http://northlandschurch.com/hope-at-home-2014/">Register Today!</a></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From Susan:</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We do not see who we are raising:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">those little feet pitter pattering around the house</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">the giggling jokes</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">the challenging moods</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">the surprising fits. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We cannot see and we do not know! But God knows and we give Him THANKS for Who He is Raising in our Homes--including US!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am becoming increasingly thankful as I am seeing increasingly the treasures our children are becoming as they enter young adulthood. For years I devoured every Amy Carmichael book I could get my hands on. I was delighted when Elizabeth Elliott wrote her biography,<b> A Chance to Die</b>. Yet I had one nagging question.....how did all those children Amy loved during her years in India as a missionary turn out? I felt the same way when I would read all those George Mueller biographies. I wondered, what happened in the lives of the kids he loved so well on those dreary London streets?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It is a question that we see answered in David Wilkinson's <b>The Cross and the Switchblade</b>, as we know the answer to what happened in the life of Nikki Cruz, one of the notorious New York City gang leaders who was transformed by the love of God. We also know some of the answer to our similar question on a much more superficial level, when we read <b>Cheaper by the Dozen</b>, that non-fiction account (YES, it IS non-fiction!) of a family with 12 kids. The epilogue to one of the editions of the book actually explains how each of the 12 turned out!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So today, I want to give you a thanksgiving-glimpse into how one of our kids, Cristi, our oldest daughter, "turned out." Just yesterday I received an email from a dear believer who I met in Thailand a month ago, asking me, "didn't you worry that your biologic kids would not have enough of your love, when you adopted all those other kids?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It is an honest and good question. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">What we see is that God is an expert in multiplication--in multiplying love, and that love does not have to be divided nor subtracted in His mathematical models. What we see is that, yes, each of our children had to learn to share and extend love as God brought more kids into our homes and hearts. But I think one of the wonderful blessings for me, now, is to see how the call of God upon our family into this adoption life ultimately was a transformational gift for each of us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We learned sacrifice. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We learned simplicity. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We learned meaning. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We learned to love. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We received reward. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We<i> learned </i>and <i>re-learnd </i>and are <i>still learning</i> forgiveness and acceptance. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We learned thanks-giving. In fact, so much so that every night after supper we always shared one thing we were thankful for about the day. And we still do!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So...back to my story. Who would have known that little girl we were raising would grow up into her young adulthood to have a job that allows her to help thousands of children receive loving families in their own countries? Check out <a href="http://afamilyforeveryorphan.org/">A Family For Every Orphan</a>--it is exciting work!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Ask the Lord to give you great joy and thanksgiving in anticipating who you may be raising. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And realize, your best help in this wonderful and challenging parenting road right now, as you cannot see the final destination for you or for them, is to live in intimacy with your own heavenly Father. As Paul writes in Ephesians 5,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself for you, a fragrant offering (like perfume!).....LET THERE BE THANKSGIVING!....Now....NOW....you ARE light in the Lord</b>.</span></blockquote>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Thank you Lord that today, now, we are light in You, in our homes, before our spouses and children. We thank you for the privilege of raising these treasures. We just want to be children who walk, copying You. Thank you that in Your Word we come to see and know you as you are. Make us like You. Thank you that You fill us with Your love. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Thank-full. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We are thankful.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Amen. </span></i></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Hope at Home is a ministry of Northlands Church and is dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father's heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters.</div>Beth Templetonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00792834805646222374noreply@blogger.com0