WE HOPE IN YOU AT HOME

A Word From Susan Hillis:

No Different

Last Sunday was a very hard day.  Although I am thankful that 8 of our 10 children are doing well, I felt deeply burdened and concerned that 2 of our daughters in their early 20’s had gone missing for a time during the previous several weeks.  "No different." That was the fear underlying my deep concern.  Their lives seemed, on the surface, "no different" than they would have been if we had never adopted them.  I am sure there are some of you reading this who have, on occasion, felt the same way.  In my mind’s eye, the PRESENCE and PROMISES of God loomed much larger than the problems, but in my heart, the reverse order and magnitude kept fighting to prevail.  I felt sad, deeply troubled, unable to sleep.  As I went to the Lord, I would find myself gifted and lifted by the Lord’s extravagantly extreme provision of His comfort and goodness through His Word, through prayer, through song (I encourage you to listen to  Never Once by Matt Redman,)  and through divine connections with other believers who seemed custom-made by Design, to help our daughters and to help us. 

Wobbly

Barely would I begin to walk in that place of feeling uplifted, standing in that place of the Lord’s strength and hope, when another bit of bad news would sideswipe me right in my blind spot.  As several close friends were checking on me by calls or texts, ‘Susan, how are you,’ all I could think of in reply was one word.  “Wobbly.”  I felt that I barely stood straight when I was knocked down hard again, like one of those inflatable air people. 

Our Eyes are on You

Amidst these days of distress, I was led somehow by the Lord to II Chronicles 20, which seemed to have been written personally to and for me in my circumstances (verses 8ff).

·      What should we do?  “If calamity comes upon us, we will stand in Your presence and cry out to You in our distress and You will hear us and save us.  We have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us.  We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” [and NOT on the calamity or the distress].

·      What does God say?  “Listen – this is what the Lord says, ‘do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.  For the battle is not yours, but God’s; take up your positions, stand firm, and see the deliverance the Lord will give you…do not be afraid;  do not be discouraged.  Go out to face them.  The Lord will be with you.’  As they set out Jehosephat said, "Listen – have faith in God and you will be upheld."

·      What does God do?  “As they began to sing and praise,” giving thanks to the Lord for His steadfast love, the Lord caused all their enemies to destroy each other, so that by the time God’s people arrived at the scene of the battlefield, the battle was over, and all God’s people needed to do was to walk around and pick up treasures.  God gave them blessings to take home, rather than wounds.

The Difference

I am again learning the difference between facts and truth. While the facts of the current circumstances of several of our children’s lives may seem ‘no different’ than they would have been, the truth is that ‘there IS a battle,’ and that God uses us and others called alongside, to colabor with Him, in His battle for their lives and souls. I trust it is His intent to rebuild and restore these precious treasures, created for His glory and His purposes.  They, like us, are “his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”  The rebuilding is so demanding that at times, we as parents identify with the words of those in Nehemiah’s day who also grew weary, ‘the strength of those who build the wall is failing,  There is too much rubble.  By ourselves we will not be able to build the wall. (Nehemiah 4:10)’  [the walls of the temporal and eternal home that we all need.]  And we are encouraged by Nehemiah’s advice:  ‘do not be afraid – remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your .. sons, your daughters, your wives, your homes.

We Hope in You at Home

The process of rebuilding the broken walls of our children’s lives often resembles that process for rebuilding the wall in Nehemiah: “the work is great and we are widely separated…from one another.  Where you hear the sound of the trumpet, rally, and our God will fight for us. (4:20).  It is our prayer that God uses the upcoming HOPE AT HOME 2011 CONFERENCE  to bring all of us who are called as spiritual and literal fathers and mothers to adoption and fostering, closer to one another – no longer ‘widely separated’ -- as we together experience the rest that comes as the Lord fights for us and for our families.

I will close with a story about this past week.  The same day that the Lord was encouraging me with the truths from II Chronicles described above, my dear friend Beth, (who along with her husband Stephen will be speaking and ministering at Hope at Home 2011), was nudged to text me a number of these same verses (and she wrote a beautiful blog post on the same topic!).  Now, what is the chance that both of us would just happen to be reading the same passage on the same day and that our texts and emails would be criss-crossing? Being such a good teacher, when the Lord wants to impress us with His truth, He often repeats it.  Then several days later, Brian and I had some time for prayer with our pastor Greg and Michelle (who will also be speaking and ministering at the Hope at Home 2011 Conference) and a few other friends, and the Lord gave Greg exactly the same passage of hope for us in these trials with our daughters that He had spoken to me after our son Jonny was killed while we were on a family bike ride a number of years ago:  we “rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.  He has delivered us …, and He will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope (II Cor 1:9-10).”  Again, the repetition and reminders of God’s voice (Psalm 29!), precisely for us.  

Please join us in praying that everyone who comes to this Hope at Home conference will experience God’s specific and precise encouragement, custom-made with mathematical precision, for our current circumstances. Just like He has done for me this week.  Just like He did for me just now as I am typing the closing words of this post…one of the daughters who is struggling called me for the first time in over a week to tell me where she is and how she is, and I had the chance to say, once again, “I love you and God loves you.”  God is fighting the battles for us. And because of His great love, we can say, together, the last 4 words of Psalm 33: 

 ‘We hope in you’ at home; and we are only at home when we hope in You.  

HELP FOR ADOPTIVE AND FOSTER PARENTS

A Word from Jenni and Scott Means:

The Means Family

We are so excited to be on the team for Hope At Home 2011 and merge our two passions in ministry.  As a children's minister for over 25 years, my passion is to see children of all ages and backgrounds released from an orphan spirit through the Spirit of adoption, and receive their true identities in Christ as sons and daughters of our Father God. Scott, who blogs on marriage at www.surrenderedmarriage.org, longs to see hearts awakened to the love relationship that Jesus has with us as His bride and how that awakening is a key to a vibrant, passionate and intimate relationship between husband and wife.

Hope At Home 2011 is an event where those two passions merge.  A time when families can get help tuning in to what God is saying to them, experienceHis love and strenthening, which will impact every relationship in the family including marriage - the foundation God gives us for families.

Scott and I can't wait to see you September 23-24, when all of us can be refreshed and equipped as parents, as well as husbands and wives.

Scott and Jenni will be leading breakout sessions on "Nurturing Your Marriage Amidst Competing Demands," and "Connecting Your Child To God." Be sure to join us for these impacting teachings that will be life-giving to your marriage and eternally fruitful for your children!

Register for Hope at Home 2011 HERE

THE BATTLE IS THE LORD'S

Challenging Times
There is one day in the year that we have named "Consecutive Day" in our family. It is the day when our children's ages run in order, seven in a row. When we first became a family of seven children we had a 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, and 13 year old child for a day. Then we start doubling up again. There were a few years when all seven of our treasures were teenagers--all at once! I tell you this because I think it will then not surprise you to hear, with seven children so close in age, that we have faced some significantly challenging times, some battles to fight, some circumstances that have stood in direct conflict to the very words God has given us about our children as individuals and us as a family. I'd like to share with you some encouragement that we have learned to rely on in the midst of these times of pain, discouragement, anxiety and fear. Certainly some of you are reading this in a good season of your families' life, full of the warmth and beauty of adoption. I praise God with you for this season! But I know that some of you are in the thickness of a battle, overwhelmed and in need of supernatural strength.

God has not set you up to Fail

As an adoptive or foster parent you are probably aware of a sense of purpose in your life relating to the call to open your heart and your home to a child in need. I want to encourage you today that God has not set you up to fail. He has not called you to this radical life and exposed your heart, without preparing you for this very moment you are standing in right now. You and I have the backing of heaven as we choose each day, each moment, to be faithful to our purpose. How do we access these heavenly resources for ourselves as parents, and in turn for our children? One of the stories I have gone to over the years for help is the one from 2 Chronicles 20, the story of Jehoshaphat. We haven't had a vast army literally attack us, but maybe you are like us and have had times as a parent where you feel as if you, your child, your family, is under attack.


Fear and Friends

When Jehoshaphat gets the report, "a great multitude is coming against you from beyond the sea,"  his response is familiar to me-- is it to you? "And Jehoshaphat feared and set himself to seek the Lord and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah. So Judah gathered together to ask help from the Lord..."  I like this for two reasons. One, he is afraid. When I see the issues of our children's past rise up to try to steal away their inheritance and come against my peace and hope, I confess that my first response is also fear. But, like Jehoshaphat, I have learned that fear and anxiety are my cue to seek the Lord and to call for prayer. Finding people that we can trust to stand with us in prayer for our children has been a key for Stephen and me--my second reason. Our friends, the van Zyls who you will meet at Hope at Home 2011, like to say that "parenting is a team sport." And I'll tell you, we have found that we have great need to call on others to pray with us, to help us face the enemy that comes against us. I encourage you to find at least one other believing friend who will do as the people of Judah, seek God's help on your behalf.


Telling it Like it Is

What happens next is really great-- I love it! Jehoshaphat proceeds to remind God of who He is. In other words, he takes his focus off the vast army marching against him and begins to proclaim aloud, in the hearing of others, the awesome character of God. "Are you not God in heaven and do you not rule over the kingdom of the nations, and in Your hand is there not power and might so that no one is able to withstand You?" And then he proceeds to remind God of things He has done for them in the past. And he tops it off with reminders of promises God has made to them as a people. Only after all of that does Jehoshaphat bring this devastating situation before God. 
"For we have no power against this great multitude that is coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You."
The deep, seemingly endless pit of need created by rejection, neglect and abuse, has made it easy for Stephen and me to recognize that our parenting, and even our love, is not enough to bring wholeness and freedom to our children. We realize, like Jehoshaphat, that we have no power in ourselves to take this enemy down. 


The Battle is Not Yours

God's response to the prayers of the people is clear and freeing, full of HOPE,
"Be not afraid or dismayed of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God's." 
I have taken this word from God to Jehoshaphat personally, and I encourage you to do the same. Do you struggle with fear and anxiety as a parent? Looking at the great multitude of issues and behaviors, not to mention the sometimes crushing weight of the past, it is so good to hear these words. God repeats Himself again, saying, 
"You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourelves, stand still and see the salvation of the LORD, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem! Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the LORD is with you."


What do I DO?

It is helpful to see that God does not mean that we have no role or part in the battle when He tells us that the battle is His. The scripture takes the time to say exactly where Jehoshaphat leads his men, "You will find them at the end of the brook before the wilderness of Jeruel."  We have found God to be amazingly specific in how we are to deal with each of our children, in each season, in each specific issue. Listen to His voice telling you what to do with your son who has outbursts of rage way out of proportion to the situation at hand, or your daughter who lies regularly and without remorse, or your teen who has become rebellious and distant almost overnight, or your precious grade schooler who clearly is not able to make healthy friendships...... Wonderful Holy Spirit will whisper to you practical answers to real problems. 


A Story

Some years ago, not long after two of our children came home, we were enjoying a typical day in our "new normal" of post adoption when one of our sons asked if he could watch a movie. This request was common-- really common! When I answered "No, not now my son," (my "really common" response!) our son was devastated. We had begun to see that disappointment was a trigger for this child and that his response to it was often extreme, far out of context for the normal disappointment that every child feels when he doesn't get his way. This time he declared in his broken English that he was not going to live here anymore. He preferred the orphanage and was leaving, never to return. I am still full of thanks to the Holy Spirit for the whisper of His voice at that moment-- like Jehoshaphat who knew exactly which path to take and where to stand, I sensed a clear leading from the Lord. "My son, mommy's don't leave their children, so if you are going to run away, I will have to run away with you." He looked up at me in anger and stormed out the door. Following him, both of us barefoot in the heat of the Atlanta summer, I said, "I wonder where we will sleep tonight?" "On the side of the road," was his response. "Wow, that will be uncomfortable, but mommy's always stay with their children." (I remembered the "Runaway Bunny" book and realized we were living it out!) Our conversation continued like this about a quarter of a mile. And then, our precious son said, "Let's go home," all of his anger and pain drained. I tell you this because it is clear to me that God's answer to this typical but serious issue was one that brought life, healing, hope. This was His answer for this particular situation. It was specific for this child and that need, rather than a blanket answer to every child who is angry and walks out the door. 


Belief and Praise

Let's listen, believing God for practical solutions to the real life issues we face as parents and those who love adopted and foster children. Believe, this is what Jehoshaphat says to his people.
"Hear me, O Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem: Believe in the LORD your God, and you shall be established; believe His prophets, and you shall prosper."
May we, each one, be established and prosper as we face the great multitudes of problems that come against us, our children, and our families. Through faith we will access the answers, the healing, and the peace that is our inheritance in Christ. As you read the end of the story you see that Jehoshaphat assigned people to praise God, before the battle was won. He believed God was who He said He was and would do what He said He would do-- always worthy of praise. 

As they stood where God told them to stand, Judah saw that the enemy was indeed destroyed (they had killed each other off!) All that was left to do was to gather the spoils, a three day effort because there was so much-- love it! I believe that we parents will one day be in this position of gathering the spoils of this battle--not gold, jewelry and weapons as with Jehoshaphat, but wholeness, healing, healthy relationships, love of God, God-given identity, good success.....
And our families will be called Families of Blessing, just as that battle field became known by all as The Valley of Blessing.

Let it be as You have said oh God!


Click here to find out more about our HOPE AT HOME 2011 Conference, September 23-24. We are ready to stand with you in prayer!

HOME--NOW TO LIVE THE LIFE!

A Word From Stephen Templeton:

Many of us will never forget the exact moment when we began to seriously consider adopting. The amazing sense of calling, the idea that if we said yes, we would be forever changing a child’s destiny. I think I intuitively knew that I would probably be changed as well- I was certainly keenly aware that adopting would bring significant, lasting changes to my family. Those early pre-adoption days were filled with excitement, uncertainty and anticipation, yet there was always a sense that this was greater than what Beth and I could have thought up together on our own. 

Waiting, Waiting and More Waiting
Then comes the waiting, and the waiting, and the waiting, and more waiting, and even still more waiting. I remember days wondering if our adoption was to ever actually take place. We were adopting from Russia, so there seemed to be additional layers of mystery and intrigue. It seemed that there was always a new law, regulation or requirement that was slowing down our process. Didn’t these officials realize that all we wanted to do was to bring our children to our safe, loving home? The paperwork was daunting- notarizations, apostilles, home studies, piles of papers documenting that we were indeed normal, sane people (relatively speaking).

An Overwhelming Sense of Destiny
It’s decided! We’re buying our tickets, actually flying to St. Petersburg, Russia. As we pass through Passport Control in the airport, Beth and I feel like we’re in an old Cold War movie. The whole experience is somewhat surreal- but God’s hand and eye is on us and we know his calling is true. I’ll never forget driving up to the orphanage for the first time, thinking that a year and a half’s work is finally culminating in actually meeting my children for the first time. The hours and hours of prayer for this place and for these children is actually becoming tangible. Amazing! Our daughter and son enter the reception room, and we embrace them. They are 10 and 5 years old and speak no English- it’s somewhat awkward at first- we don’t know each other at all, but the sense of God’s destiny is overwhelming. Then comes the second trip back with our whole family, the court proceedings, flying to Moscow, getting passports and visas, and then flying home to Atlanta. Whew! We did it! We’re done! Right?

Now We Live This Life...
Not even close- now we live life as our new family. Now the real work begins, also the joy, laughter, tears, anger outbursts, peace and sense that our new family is how it was always meant to be. This is what Hope at Home and the upcoming HOPE AT HOME 2011 Conference is all about- how we live this amazing life that God has called us to. There are challenges to be sure, but the Lord always goes before us, equips us, leads us, generously gives wisdom and strength. At Hope at Home 2011, you will have the opportunity to fill up your tank with God’s strength, receive encouragement, discuss practical approaches to parenting and enjoy connecting and getting to know other adoptive or soon to be adoptive parents.

I want to encourage you to SIGN UP NOW by clicking HERE! I guarantee you will be blessed and most likely will be a blessing to someone else at the conference.

See you there!

An Adopted Child's Perspective on Adoption: Pasha

We wanted to share some of the stories of adoption from the point of view of the children, both biological and adopted. It has been fascinating and faith-building to hear them tell their own stories of life from their perspective. The seventh in this series is from our greatly loved son, Pasha. Pasha is 16 years old, entering his sophomore year in high school.

I Was So Scared of My Mom Leaving Us                       

I don't remember much of what happened in my life before I was adopted because I was quite young. The few things I do remember is living with my mom in an apartment, however, I have no memory of my father. The thing that I do remember of my life before the orphanage was how I used to go on walks with my mom and we would talk.

Unfortunately the one thing that I do remember about my life before the orphanage is the day that Kristina, my sister, and I were taken to the orphanage because my mother couldn’t take care of us. I was so scared of my mom leaving us. I cried a lot and couldn't understand the idea that my mother was leaving me here with these people that I didn't know. In the orphanage, I made some friends, but I was still really young. 

I remember quite a few hardships that I faced there. There was a day when one of my toys got stolen and it happened right in front of my eyes. I tried to do something about it but the other boy wouldn't give it back making feel angry that I couldn’t do anything about it. I would have to say that I was an angry little boy because my life was not a happy one. I remember another time where an innocent boy hit me with a door by accident. He apologized, but my anger devoured me to the point where I hit him with a yo-yo so that he bled from his head. These were hard times indeed.

Pasha (blue striped shirt with red pants) in the hospital
for one of the checkups needed before adoption

With a group of kids on the orphanage playground.
Pasha is the 2nd child on the right with hat and colorful sweater

Pasha on his 5th birthday, with Kristina, meeting his
adoptive mother for the first time. At that point
none of us knew we were family!

I Was So Happy to Find Someone Who Cared

One day I heard that someone wanted to take me home with them and make me a part of their family. I became so excited! Every night, I would think about it before I went to bed. When I first saw my mom and dad my heart leapt. I was so happy to find someone who wanted to take care of me and who actually cared about me. The first time I saw them, they were only visiting. 


So you can imagine my disappointment when they didn't return for a while.  I was scared they were going to leave me here in the orphanage like my mother did. Nevertheless, they came back and I knew that I was going home with them forever. I already began to feel happy when we were at the airport. “We’re flying,” I thought to myself. I was happier than I had ever been in my life.  I was excited to see what America had to offer and I didn't hold my happiness back. I had so many toys, my own room, my own bed, and good food that was always available. 

It was a little strange at first, but I quickly learned how to get along. Everyone was so kind to me, unlike people in Russia. I was the only boy in the family, but I didn't mind. My family adopted two other boys about two years later. Andrei and Sergei. It was nice to have other guys in the family.

Pasha (center) with Andrei and Sergei at the Moscow
airport. New brothers!

At the beach, a yearly event

For quite a few years Pasha was rarely
seen out of "character." His
enthusiasm for super heroes rubbed
off on his brothers

Freedom Being in a Family

It was usually not hard for me to obey my parents or do what they asked me to do. The hardest part for me though was when I felt disappointed at not getting what I want. That makes me angry and it does take me time to get over it, but I eventually do. I felt like I had more freedom being in a family. Because I was very young, in the orphanage the workers had a lot of control over me. I couldn’t do anything against them because then I would get punished.

Oldest sister Emma checking out one of many movies
Pasha made

The boys with their Dad on a weekend away

Christmas Presents!

Finding Out, and Forgetting the Past

My advice to other parents is limited because I am still trying to figure things out with my parents. The few things that I can say to parents who are planning to adopt would be this: Just be kind to them and show love for this is the key. For me personally it helps to talk a little bit about my earlier life. Because I was so young in Russia it was nice to find out about my past. It was nice to also forget my past because once you are adopted it feels like you are starting a new life. At the same time it is important to remember your past and what you went through.  Never make them feel uncomfortable about talking about their past and what happened to them.

I Felt God Speak to Me

Before I came to America I did not really have a relationship with God for some time. But one night at Youth Group, I felt God speak to me and tell me how much he really loved me. My parents have always told me the story about how God told them to adopt me. I thank God for that.  God used my family to lead me to God. Over time, God has really showed me who he is and how much he loves me. 

Pasha (3rd from left) with friends from his youth group

Pasha, an excellent drummer, plays in the church youth
worship band as well as for Sunday morning worship

Register now for HOPE AT HOME 2011 where you will have an opportunity to speak directly with older adopted and biological children and ask them questions as you seek to parent well the children God has given you.

HOPE AT HOME 2011 CONFERENCE, SEPTEMBER 23-24

Register Now for Hope at Home 2011 Conference! Click HERE.


A Word from Susan Hillis:

Susan with her son Alex, at the 
Created for Care Retreat

When we begin to respond to the Lord's call to our family to adoption, we found ourselves in unchartered territory in spite of a dozen years of parenting experience. As the Lord began to pour out His adoption call for older kids to many parents in our church, it only seemed natural that a special Sunday School class be dedicated to bi-cultural kids and American kids who were their siblings and friends! So I ended up teaching such a class of 30 kids grades 1-8 for several years. The real ministry of this class was in the informal conversations of the moms and dads, accompanied by prayer and practical help, each Sunday as they would come to pick up their kids. "Have you had any challenges with discipline? What about disobedience or anger? What about how to help them with school? And what about how to make faith and the Lord be real to them?" etc! It was those in the hall chats and prayers that often led to the greatest peace in our home, and in the homes of many of those kids who were in the class. I feel excited just thinking about HOPE AT HOME 2011 CONFERENCE at our church, Northlands, in September. This excitement comes because I think it will condense and pass along the Lord's wisdom gleaned from well over a decade of those "in the hall" conversations and prayers, along with deeper connections to the Lord and deeper connections to other parents with the same call.


A Word from Beth Templeton:

One of the things I love about being a parent, and about talking about parenting, is that it is the most fertile ground I know of to work out the truth of the Gospel. It is the real "rubber meets the road" stuff of life, don't you think? The Lord tells us to pray, "Give us this day our daily bread"-- talk about daily! Rarely a day goes by where Stephen and I don't realize that we need of direct access to God's power and His life-giving words to us or to our children. For me there is little more exciting and challenging in this life than the realities of working out my faith in the life of our family. If the Good News doesn't "work" in our homes, if it is reserved for Sunday School and the occasional outreach or mission trip, then we are missing something-- big time. What a joy and honor it has been to see God's transformational power in the lives of our children right before our eyes! And, as He is healing our adopted children, we are all finding ourselves being transformed as well.
It has been this desire to partner with the Father to see orphans be transformed into Sons and Daughters right in our homes that has opened our ears to hear God tell us that we need to host a conference at our church, Northlands, here in Atlanta, Georgia. So, ever since this last fall when we spoke with our church elders, we have been planning this event-- and we have been praying for you.


A Time of Refreshing:
Dr. Susan Hillis and I, along with others whose hearts are full with the desire to serve adoptive and foster parents, are so excited to have the opportunity to meet you and to come alongside you during HOPE AT HOME 2011 here in Atlanta, Georgia, September 23-24.

We see HOPE AT HOME 2011 as a time of refreshing for both husbands and wives as we encounter the Father's Heart for adoptive families. We are looking to God to fill our hearts with His Hope. 


We invite you to come and be transformed through the Lord's refreshment as we:

1.  Learn to find daily hope through our relationship with God.
2.  Encounter practical approaches to parenting according to our child's identity and purpose in God.
3.  Connect with others through ministry and prayer.

Some of the TOPICS we are preparing for the conference are:

• Responding to Your Child's Tough Questions
• Nurturing Your Marriage Amidst Competing Demands
• Establishing Peace in Your Home: Addressing Anger in You and Your Child
• Fathering Your Adopted Child
• Hope and Help for the Single Adoptive Mother
• Creating Unity Among Siblings in Your Adoptive Family
• Transforming Orphans into Sons and Daughters
• Loving Your Adopted Child Through Every Stage of Their Lives
• The Beauty of Transracial Adoption
• Special Needs and HIV

We are very interested in your thoughts on these things and would love to hear your ideas in how we can best minister to you as you love your children. We encourage you to leave a comment below with your thoughts! Also, we have a team of people committed to praying for you, so if there is something specific you would like us to be joining with you prayer for even before the conference, please email us at hopeathome@northlandschurch.com.


May your HOMES BE FILLED WITH HOPE this day as you love each of your precious children, bringing them into the wholeness and healing that is a part of their inheritance as a part of your family!


Beth Templeton and Susan Hillis 
for the HOPE AT HOME Team




HERE

CHANGED BY A MESSAGE I DID NOT HEAR

A Time of Refreshing:

Dr. Susan Hillis along with others whose hearts are full with the desire to serve adoptive and foster parents are so excited to have the opportunity to meet you and to come alongside you during HOPE AT HOME 2011 here in Atlanta, Georgia, September 23-24.

We see HOPE AT HOME 2011 as a time of refreshing for both husbands and wives as we encounter the Father's Heart for adoptive families. We are looking to God to fill our hearts with His Hope.

From Susan Hillis:

Connecting with Kind Eyes

Never.  I have never been so impacted by a message I did not hear.  My friend Amelia told me of Dr. Karyn Purvis' talk from the Louisville Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit, about connecting with kind eyes.  Being a researcher, I began to investigate this ‘still face’ phenomenon.  More than 25 years of research on this topic show how deeply a child’s emotional health hinges on whether there has been a stable caretaker in their lives who connects eye-to-eye with them.  But the connection has to have those love-brimming eyes.  The eyes of the little baby, cradled in her mother’s warm arms, drinks in hope, trust, safety, security, peace, and joy from her mama’s adoring gaze.  Here is a research clip introduced by the director of the Child Development Institute at Harvard, showing what I mean.  

                        
In this link, it is clear that the child must have this eye-to-eye connectedness, or she will grow visibly distraught, shrieking, flailing side-to-side.  In contrast, when the eye-to-eye ‘favor’ is filling the mama’s eyes, the little baby is a paragon of peace and contentment.  It brings back memories of that old book that was the foundation for my parenting in the early years, 'How to Really Love your Child,' by Ross Campbell.  Eye contact is one of the four critical ways kids 'hear' love.  And it doesn’t stop with the baby/young child phase.  Dr. Purvis emphasized that children who spend their early years in orphanages or outside of family care and then come into homes through adoption/fostering need their new parents to ‘backfill’ this eye-to-eye connectedness.

Am I in trouble?

As I was meditating on this theme of ‘eyes-filled-with-unfailing-love,’ I had one of those ‘ah-hah’ moments.  I realized what is behind a rather common occurrence that had always perplexed me.  It happens like this.  I am sitting in our family room lost in thought, or reading, or praying, or composing a blog post (J), or mentally doing some problem-solving.  One of my teenage daughters walks by and comments, “Mommy, what’s wrong?  Am I in trouble?”  And I reply, feeling confused by her question, “No sweetie, why in the world would you ask me that?  I am just sitting here thinking.  Why in the world do you ask me that all the time?”   After hearing the story of the talk I didn't hear, I determined to try my best to stop my reflections/ thinking/ musings/ mediations whenever this daughter walks by the family room and look into her in the eyes with 'favor,' or to put differently, like she is my favorite!  That is, with kindness and love and joy and hope and trust and compassion and understanding.  What is even more amazing is that if I determine to also wear inside my gaze this ‘unfailing favor’ when we are talking out a difference or conflict or disappointment, it appears impossible for either of us to be filled with anger.  Love wins instead.  Somehow she knows I am for her and not against her.

Finding favor in the eyes of the Lord

Loving the Scriptures as I do (the Word of the Lord endures forever!), I grew excited about studying the phrase ‘favor in the eyes of the Lord.’  I learned of four Old Testament characters who ‘found favor in the eyes of the Lord.’  They were Noah (Gen 6:8), Moses (Ex 34:9), Abraham (Gen 18:3), and Gideon (Judges 6:17).  Each of these servants of God had this pattern:

·      First, they found favor in the eyes of the Lord 

·      Second they were asked by God to do something heroic/ impossible/ crazy/ miraculous (build an ark, lead a stubborn people out of 400 years of slavery across the miraculously parted Red Sea, sacrifice the long-awaited son of promise, defeat the countless Midianite army with 300 men blowing bugles)

·      Third, the impact of their obedience was vast;  Noah: a new beginning for mankind after the flood; Moses: an entire nation entering the Promised Land with the written commandments of God; Abraham: blessing for all the nations in the world, and Gideon: 40 years of peace.

During this same time, I had been praying like this, “Lord, you have taught me a lot about hearing Your voice, but I know little about seeing your face.  Please teach me what it means to see your face.   Like Job at the end, when he said, ‘my ears had heard of You but now my eyes have seen you.' (Job 42:5) Lord I want to see you.”  And the Lord brought into my path a painting of Jesus done by a 9 year old little girl with an Atheist mother, after Jesus had appeared to her in a vision.  You can see the painting at www.akiane.com -- when you enter the site, click the first video link on the top left over the painting of the African American woman.  I saw such a deep love and compassion and understanding and acceptance in those eyes of Jesus for me.  And I have been asking Him, ‘Lord Jesus, can you put that love, Your love, in my eyes, for my children and for my husband.’  And the prayer is spreading.  I am beginning to ask, especially when I am about to spend time with someone I dislike, “Lord, can you please put Your love in my eyes and heart for this person.”  And my eyes are being opened to countless verses that speak to me of this same theme:  Love in the eyes.

·      The eyes of the Lord see the children of men (Ps 11:4)

·   My [the Lord’s] eyes and my heart shall be there for all time (II Chron 7:16)

·  The looked unto Him and were radiant (Ps 34:5)

·  And [we all] found favor in the eyes of the Lord (Gen 6:8)