AN ADOPTED CHILD SHARES HIS STORY: ALEX HILLIS

It is a special privilege for us to introduce you to Alex Hillis as he tell his story of adoption. At 22, Alex has much to say and his story is an encouragement to all of us parents to trust God to do in each of our children the same saving and freeing work he has done in this amazing son.

What God Told Me
I want to start off by saying that a couple of days ago I was going on a run and only planning to run three to six miles. Before I started the run, I was talking to The Lord and I told Him, that I wanted to hear from Him. I was not going to stop running until I heard his voice. My plan of running only three to six miles turned into 25 miles! It was then that The Lord spoke to me. This is what He told me, "Treat people the way you want him or her to become"-- and that's it. This quote got me thinking about my life. Looking back 14 years since I was adopted I know exactly why God was telling me this. 

A Second Chance at Living

At age seven I walked into a room when I saw a woman and a man and they had the biggest smiles I have ever seen in my whole life. Beside them they had a girl and a little boy, who was four at that time. I knew then that this was the family that was going to adopt me. I remember the lady coming to me without hesitation, giving me the biggest hug and putting me on her lap. She started talking and it seemed like forever.  She was asking me question after question. To tell you the truth I have never felt so love. When God introduced MY family, MY real family to My life, I now I had a second chance at living. 

Brian and Susan, Cristi and Trevor, with their new
family members-- Alex (next to Susan) and Anya.

My Parents Saw Me as Someone Who Had Hope

Let me tell you what I mean by this....

When you are in the orphanage, you only stay there until you are 18. After that if you are smart enough you go to college, but those who aren't go to the street. Then their life is most likely over. They start taking drugs, start getting in to gangs and before they turn 21 their future is not looking so bright. 

Alex (right) with sisters Ksusha and Lana Grace, running
to their new parents.

Right now I am 22 and I can not start to explain what my Lord has done in my life. From the first day my parents adopted me they started seeing me as someone who will succeed, someone who had a hope. They started seeing me as a beloved child of God. Even through all the pain they went through, their love never changed. They loved me unconditionally. Also, having a father figure for the first time was such a blessing, and honestly I could have never asked for a better dad. Just when I thought life could not get any better, it did!. Not only was I adopted into an amazing family I was introduced to my REAL Father: Jesus Christ. 

My Family Stood Their Ground

Alex with Susan, speaking together at
 Created for Care (retreat for adoptive moms)

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that that my life was so easy after that point because it wasn't. As a child I was so broken. But my wonderful family stood their ground and they rebuilt me into the man God wanted me to become. It was not easy, but I've never seen a faith as strong as my parents'. Yes! Physically they are not that strong, but I guarantee you that their faith and love is stronger than anyone I know. With that much power, they could move Mount Everest! Looking back now, knowing that if my parents loved me that much, how much more does my God love me! 

Want to hear more from the perspective of the adopted child? Check out the Adopted Children's Stories section of our blog.

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BEING ADOPTED

Those of you who came to last year's Hope at Home conference (you can still register for this weekend!) may remember hearing Kristina Templeton share in our adopted and sibling panel, or you may have read her story on the blog, here and here. She shared her struggle with God about why she had to experience the hard things,  

 Why God, why did you allow all these horrible things in my life? Why did I have to see and feel all the things I did at such a young age? And why did you chose me to bless in such a tremendous way?

God’s reply was, 

So that when I call you to minister there you can relate to those kids because you have felt what they feel, you have done what they do and you have seen what they see. But above everything else you can give them hope for a new and better life because you have seen all the blessings and good I have done in your life.

I asked Kristina to share some more of her thoughts about being adopted and how that has affected her life and her future. We hope that this will encourage you and give you some insight into some of the realities your children may deal with. God has a plan for each one of our children and it is good!

Russia on My Mind

As I was standing during worship at my church in Orlando this past Sunday, out of nowhere God brought up Russia on my mind. It caught me by surprise that God brought this particular thought into my head. God does that, catches us by surprise. Now for those who don’t know me very well you must know that I think about Russia all the time. Oftentimes I wake up in the morning just simply missing Russia. 

I really do miss Russia every day of my life. This is not to say that I hate living in America. I love America. It is where my family is, my home, my friends. I love going to college in Florida, baking in the sun at the beach in the months when everyone else is already getting out their winter clothes. I wish I could combine the best of both worlds; Russian culture and the American family and climate. One must always make sacrifices. Recently missing Russia and talk of Russia has been incessant due to the fact this is my last year in college and I must decide where my future must head. The constant question of, “do you know what you are going to do after you graduate?” is engrained in my brain. I almost can predict when the people will ask the question before it comes out of their mouths. I get excited and at the same time sad answering the question. "I’m moving to Russia," is my initial response. Then comes the question, “What are you going to do there?” This is where I hesitate….What am I going to do in Russia?! 

It didn’t take me by surprise that God brought up Russia on my mind this past Sunday, but it did surprise me that he brought up orphans and adoption. Even from a young age I knew I would go back to Russia and that God would use me to minister to orphans, but as I got older, my desire still stayed the same-- minister and help orphans. However, college changed my perspective. What am I going to do ministering to orphans when I’m graduating with a double major (Russian Studies and Environmental Science)? Was the time spent in college working so hard going to go to waste? Did I choose the wrong majors? I could make a very good living through in either of those areas. I’m going to need money to live on. I can’t do ministry work in Russia; I need to find a real job.

I Want to Help Orphans Because I Was One Once

Oftentimes, I go into thinking in this way. I imagine myself being a very successful government official or businesswoman. I see myself changing the world in some grandiose way. I desire those things; however, then I see someone in need and my heart just breaks. I know there is nothing wrong with wanting to be successful or making a lot of money, but it all comes down what is most important in this world to me! Money comes and goes, experiences come and go, troubles and happy times come and go, but people live on. Whatever I do in my life, I want to help people better their lives. I want to see them succeed and be happy and satisfied with life. I want to help orphans because I was one once and knowing this I know there is hope and there is life after you have been abandoned and rejected by those people who gave you birth. 

God is Enough

Over the years my very good friend, my mother, and I have been making a quite interesting observation. We have been surrounded by many adopted children most of them coming from Russia, who have been placed in wholesome, loving, caring families. The adopted children have every basic need satisfied in their lives plus more, for these new parents provide them with overwhelming love and care. We have seen these adopted children grow up and live their lives like they grew up in a home without love, care, protection and parents. The decisions they make are harmful to their lives. Oftentimes they begin to use drugs or alcohol, get into rebellion--and the list goes on. I look at those children and without judgment and wonder, “Why is this so?” I know these families well enough to know that they have poured nothing but love into their adopted children. 


I can testify to this happening not only as someone looking from the outside, but also as someone who has personal experience. In my own family we have had many such experiences. My own adopted siblings have sometimes chosen paths of destruction and hurt. I have watched for months, which later turned into years as my parents did everything humanly possible. Some situations got so bad that only God could do anything, because it was humanly impossible to do anything else. I don’t know how it feels to be a parent of a struggling child, but I know how it feels to have someone of your own blood be in a painful place and feel so helpless. 

And I began to entertain the idea, could it be that love is simply not enough to dramatically change the adopted children’s lives? Could it be that God isn’t enough to change their deeply hurt hearts? I don’t entertain that idea for too long, because if God isn’t enough to change these hurt hearts, then there is no hope for orphans. God has to be enough and is enough to make a difference in the heart of the orphan. All I pray is that God will use me to do just that. 

I think this Hope at Home conference is a work of genius and a step in better understanding how to help adopted children. It is an awesome conference and community of parents who have adopted children. Why struggle alone, when you can have others to lean on, ask questions, and even cry or be happy with? 

We would love to see you Friday and Saturday, October 5-6 for Hope at Home 2012. We have such a sense of the love of God being poured out for the mothers and fathers who are partnering with Him in transforming orphans into Sons and Daughters. It's going to be a good time! 
For more information and to register, click HERE.

SOME NEW YEAR REPEATS

With the New Year we thought we would put up a few of our posts from earlier in our Hope at Home Blog history, since many of you weren't around back then. If you are like me, rereading this one of our son Sergei telling about what it has been like for him to be adopted is worth the time. Sergei, an impressive and much-loved 17 year old, is a sophomore in high school.


Also, would you share our blog with some friends in the adoption community this month? Thank you!

Sergei's Story

We were left to "fend for ourselves"

I don’t remember a lot from my life in Russia, mainly because I have blocked those memories out of my mind. My brother Andrei and I were left to “fend for ourselves” from a young age. Many times Andrei and I would steal our dinner from stores, or steal people’s money. Andrei was basically my parent, always cleaning me up if I got hurt.

Sergei (right) with Andrei

Eventually, the government came to our little apartment and talked to my parents. I don’t know what they said, but I got a good idea of what it was when they took Andrei and me away. Andrei was put in an orphanage and I was taken to an orphanage for younger children. I remember being happy in this place. I was given food, without having to go out and steal it. The workers were nice too.

As I look back I can see God's hand

I was later put in a foster family. These people were nice and caring for a while, and I thought that I could be happy here. As time went on, they became meaner, and stopped caring about me. That’s when my grandmother came and talked to me. She told me that I had two choices. I could either stay with the foster family, or go to the orphanage so that Andrei and I could be together. As I look back on this, I can see God’s hand in this. He knew what was best for me. Even though the orphanage was terrible, God was working everything together for my good.

The day the two brothers were reunited at the orphanage

I was happy to be with my brother

When I arrived at the orphanage, I was happy to be with my big brother. He always looked out for me. The workers at the orphanage were not nice at all. They didn’t care about anyone there. I often got in fights, or was left hungry from the small portions at meals. I was just happy to be with my brother.

I would lie awake the whole night

My grandmother was the main source of happiness in my life at this point. She rode the bus down to the orphanage, picked Andrei and me up, and took us to her apartment. She would bathe us and feed us. I was never hungry at her house. We would spend a day or two with her, then we had to go back to the orphanage. She would always give us bags of candy and food to take with us. Going to sleep at the orphanage was always hard. I had no idea what wouldhappen to me. The older kids were always playing horrible jokes on the younger kids. I was always afraid at night. I would lay awake the whole night. I hated it here. One day someone told me that I was going to get adopted. I didn’t really know what it meant, but I knew that it was a good thing.

A picture of the powerful love of
a grandmother

I didn't really know what it meant
                                                        
One day someone told me that I was going to get adopted. I was 7 years old. I didn’t really know what it meant, but I knew that it was a good thing. As the adoption time came closer, I noticed that everyone was much nicer to me. I didn’t know why. Eventually after what seemed like years, the adoption day came. I spent the whole day waiting, sitting in the same chair for hours. Andrei had to go to court with my parents. I was left at the orphanage because I was too young.

In Moscow to get Sergei's American papers

                                                                                     
Finally they came

Finally they came. I remember getting in the car with my new family and leaving the orphanage. I was so happy. I knew that I would never be treated the way that I was there. I was given toys and things what would never be taken away from me. I was so happy.

A beautiful Welcome Home party at the Atlanta Airport
Sergei--front and center!

I loved having parents who loved me

I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know what my home was going to be like. I didn’t know what it was going to be like living in a new country. I remember coming home and seeing the biggest house I had ever seen. I was so amazed by the amount of room. I had to adjust to this new place. I had all the food I could eat. I was never hungry again. I loved having parents who loved me, and took care of me.

Sergei (front right) with all 21 cousins and 
their grandparents = FAMILY!

School

Going to school was a challenge. I didn’t know any English. I learned how to ask to go to the bathroom, and spent most of the day in first grade asking to go to the bathroom. By the time I was in second grade I could understand everything. Math is still hard though!

Sergei (left) doing a presentation at school
with his friend, Alosha

I didn't know who God was

Going to church was new too. I didn’t know what it was. I had never been to church. I remember people coming up to me and loving on me. I made friends with this guy named Alex Hillis. From then on, I would always want to go to church because Alex always played with me at church. I liked going to church to play. I didn’t know who God was.

Sergei's baptism--with his daddy and our
pastor, Greg Haswell

How can I not love this God?
I gave my life to the Lord, and was baptized. I didn’t really know what it meant to be a Christian. Through the years, I have developed my relationship with the Lord. My love for him has grown so much. It was all because of Him that I was adopted. He worked everything together for my good. How can I not love this God? Even now I learn new things about Him. Looking back, I see all the times God has changed things so that His plan could work. I wonder how different my life would be if I stayed with that foster family. I thank God for putting my grandmother in my life.

Spring Break in Orlando--Sergei in center back

Feel free to leave a comment for Sergei. He will be happy to respond to any questions.

An Adopted Child's Perspective on Adoption: Sasha

From Susan:

Brian and I have seen that each of our children -- regardless of how God gave them  to us -- become most fully that person they were created to be, when they are walking with the confidence that they belong to their heavenly Father.  Our son Sasha, adopted at age 14 from Russia, wrote this description of His heavenly Father. 

Heavenly Father

by Sasha Hillis

Written at age 20, six years after adoption
 

Everyone has a personal story to tell. The story I will share is a story of my life. I am not the main character in it, but God is. All of us also have parents, most of the time we have amazing parents but sometimes parents aren’t so great. Over the course of my life I have learned something very important: God surpasses our earthly parents by so much, and He is the best parent and friend you could ever have. 
           

My name is Sasha Hillis. I was born in a small Russian village September 29th, 1985. For the most part I had a pretty good childhood. A negative aspect about my childhood was that my parents were alcoholics. They weren’t always alcoholic, but some circumstances led them into it. They drank often, and when they did, it became crazy at home. When alcohol wasn’t around, we had a pretty normal family life.    

           One day, when I was about six or seven years old, my mom got in trouble and was sent to jail. My dad had to take care of us three kids all by himself, which he wasn’t used to doing. For a little while he was able to take care of us, but then he couldn’t handle it anymore. He made a decision to send us to an orphanage. We were first sent to the hospital for a check-up. We stayed there for about two or three weeks. Our dad came to visit us once, and that was the last time we ever saw him. When he left, my memory of him disappeared almost instantly, and did not come back for long time. In the same way I didn’t remember my mom. I just lived in the present. My mind didn’t bother to remember about the past. It was if all the memories of my home, and my parents were erased. I had started a new journey without them.                                                                     

           After staying at the hospital, my little sister and I were sent to the orphanage. My one year old brother could not come with us because he was too young. My sister Katya and I were sent to the orphanage, which was called Svirstroy, a big building with about one hundred fifty orphans occupying it. We lived there with group number five, the group where the youngest kids lived. Living there was a pretty easy life for me for a while. Then I turned eight years old and was ready to go to school. I and several other people from my group were placed in a new group. Then things completely changed. I went to school and started on the road of growing up. School for the first three years was a big struggle for me, and I didn’t enjoy it very much. I started to improve, later on, which helped me to finally enjoy it. Being in the orphanage or in school gave me an opportunity to do what I really enjoyed the most, which was

art.                                                                                                                              

        

One day on my way back from school, I was called back because someone was asking for me. I looked at the person and then remembered that it was my mom. It probably had been five years that I had not seen her. She visited me several times again, and I even got to go home over breaks. I didn’t see her for while because she got in trouble by drinking again. After I had met my mom again, I really wanted to leave the orphanage and live in a family. An orphanage is the kind of a place where kids often desire to live in a family even though it often felt like home, but that soon changed. My mom wanted to get us out of the orphanage, but her bad habit kept her from it. In the year of 2000, we were adopted by a family that I wasn’t exactly expecting. We were adopted into an American family, by parents who loved their kids, and most importantly, God. They introduced us to a God who always looked after us, and took care of us. He was always around for the good times and the bad times.                                                                                                                          

            My first parents might not have been able to be the good parents for me and my sister and my brother, but there is a God who always watched over us and loved us. He made sure that we got an education, and care. He also provided a family for us that led us to Christ, and accepting Him as our Savior. He will never leave us or forsake us. Part of the reason why God gave me an American Christian family is so that I would know Him and about Him. He is a father who loves, cares and provides for His children, and He will still do that and He will always be a faithful father to us, and never leave us. “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” (Psalm 27:10) That is the promise that He left in the Bible for us to remember and be comforted by it.                                  

           God is not only my father, but He is also a God of everlasting love. God is a father of nations. He could be a father to all the fatherless, and not just to a few. His great love can expand to everyone. No matter how we might mess-up or even try to walk away from God’s love, He will always be there loving us and waiting on us to return to Him. “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called the children of God! And that is what we are!” 

                                    

          Our Heavenly Father well never fail us, and He also has great plans for us, “For I know plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jer 29:11)We can always trust and depend on Him. God has created and chose us all for good reasons. All the abilities and gifts that our Heavenly Father put in us are not there just for random reasons. The reason is so that His will be done and His name be glorified.  

Sculpture 2008 by Sasha Hillis, an art major in college: The Good Shepherd

An Adopted Child's Perspective on Adoption: Erica

We are thankful that Erica can share her story with us. Adopted as an infant into a caucasian family, she tells of the beauty and struggles of adoption. Erica is lovely 21 year old senior at Georgia College and State University. She is majoring in Spanish and minoring in Political Science. 

I Forget How Different My Family Looks

Here is my adoption story. I was born two months premature and weighed just over three pounds, making me a special needs adoption. I was fortunate enough that at four months old to be placed in the care of the people I have and always will call my family. Unlike most adopted children, I cannot pinpoint the day I was told I was adopted because for me, I just always knew. However while growing up I never fully grasped the concept of being adopted until I was much older. In elementary school, I was always confused on standardized testing whether or not to put caucasian or Pacific Islander/Asian. I was the only person and always had been the only non-caucasian in my class. I also was the only non-caucasian in my family. Unless kids asked me strange questions like who my real parents were or pointed out how my eyes were different, I never noticed I was different than anybody else. Except for my physical appearance, most people would never realize I was born in a different country. I have no memories before my adoption and I have never felt different from anyone else. Adoption was not a big thing to me until my freshman year in high school, when my parents started to adopt again. Even now, I forget how different my family looks from other families. People stare and tend to ask questions when they see my entire immediate family out for dinner because everyone is curious about the diversity that is in my family.

I Never Labeled Myself as the Adopted Child

Every adopted child has a different story and comes from a different situation, just as my siblings, my nephew, and I are apart of the same family, but have very unique backgrounds. For adoptive parents, the best advice I could give you is to love your adopted child just as you would love your own biological child. For me, I never labeled myself as the adopted child because my parents never treated me any different than my older brothers. Also, be honest about information about your child's biological family. It wasn't until I was much older that I discovered my parents had information on my biological family. Long story short, I didn't care about the actual information that my parents had to share, but the fact that they had never confided in me this very personal information. Even today, I can't really tell you the information that they had not told me, but the fact one day I just happened to say and ask all the right questions for the topic to be brought up. However, they have learned from this 
situation and my adopted siblings will benefit from it in the future.


My Family Has Taught Me What is Important in Life

Adoption is a beautiful thing and I could not be more blessed than I am. I thank God every day for my family. There isn't any family in the world I would rather be apart of. My family has taught me what is important in life and I think it would be difficult to find better role models. My grandfather showed me how to be supportive of those you love. My grandmother taught me how to rely on God and pray about everything. My father showed me what a family should look like and what a man of God should be. My mother taught me compassion and how to incorporate it in everyday life. My brother, Derek, taught me how to be selfless and to think of others first, and my oldest brother, Chris, showed me what it meant to be responsible and to prioritize. My younger adopted siblings taught me that no matter what, there is always more love to share. However, the most important lesson my family has ever taught me is through any and every situation, my family will always have my back and that God will never put me through anything I cannot handle, for He will always be with me.

You will have a chance to meet Erica's parents and hear about their family at HOPE AT HOME 2011. They will be speaking on Special Needs Adoption. To find out more and to Register go to hopeathome2011.org

Register by this Friday to take advantage of our Early Bird Registration. 

An Adopted Child's Perspective on Adoption: Ksusha

From Susan Hillis:
Part I:  Here is the story that our effervescent Ksusha wrote about what being adopted was like for her, about her early roots and the memories she has before being adopted. This part ends with the story of coming home to our large family, a family being restored after she had lost her first family.  I would call this the 'I am adopted' part of the story.  Symbolically, I think of it as the "I leave Egypt" part of her story. 
Ksusha is in 10th grade. This first part of her story was written when she was 12 years old, five years after she was brought home.


Healing: A Hard Beginning And A Wonderful End
 
I am going to tell you a little about my life. I was born in Russia.  I had 3 sisters and one brother.  Before my mom had me, my brother Alex and my sister Anya got taken away and put in an orphanage, and I had 2 sisters left, Sveta, who was one year old and Masha, who was 4 at the time.  When I was born, Masha was like a mom to me.  She took good care of me when my mom and dad were drunk.

Ksusha's Russian birth parents

When I was 4 years old, there was a knock at the door.  One of my parents went to answer it.  When I saw it was a police, I got scared and ran and hid under my crib, but that sure wasn’t a good hiding place because they saw me and were trying to take me away.  I tried to hold on, but it didn’t work.  They picked me up and took me to the car.  Even though I was 4, I could still understand what was happening.  I screamed, cried, and tried to get out, but it didn’t work.  A couple minutes later my 2 big sisters joined me.  I was happy to see them, but I could see my dad and mom crying.  They didn’t want us to go because they already lost 2 kids and now, 3 more.


 When I got to the orphanage with my 2 sisters, we were taken to different rooms.  We were together for about one year in that orphanage when one of my sisters, Sveta got taken away to another orphanage.  So me and Masha, who still was like a mom to me, were still together.  When I was 5, we got a letter saying that my dad had died.  It was heartbreaking to both of us.

Ksusha (left) with sisters Sveta and Masha

Later on that year, I started to ride the bus with some older friends to take piano lessons.  I would do that once a week.


Two years later I was about to get ready to go to piano lessons when my boss told me that I wouldn’t be going to piano lessons today because somebody is coming to see me and Masha.  It was very shocking, but I did stay and put on a beautiful purple dress.  But the lady never came.  The people that worked at my orphanage said that the lady would not come until the next day, because she went to visit Sveta and that is why she didn’t come.

Ksusha (center), with Sveta and Alex, runs from the orphanage
into her parents' arms

So the next day came, and this lady came.  She came with her husband and a little boy.  She said that Sveta wanted her to tell us that she misses us and that she is going to see us soon.  We were to happy to hear that.  And you wouldn’t believe what she told us next.  She told us she was the mom of Alex and Anya.  Masha couldn’t stop smiling and then my brother Alex, who I had never met and who Masha had not seen for 11 years, walked in.  It was the happiest day ever.  The lady whose name was Susan Hillis, with her husband Brian, adopted us on September 11, 2001.  When we got to America we saw our new beautiful family.  And guess what?  We had more brothers and sisters!  I had 4 brothers, Trevor, Sasha, Vasya, and of course Alex, and 5 sisters, 3 that were from my Russian family, Anya, Sveta and Masha, and also one more from Russia.  Her name is Katya and she was Anya’s best friend in Russia, and my parents had one more daughter, Cristi, so now in all my parents had 10 kids.  It is just amazing what God can do.  I had a hard beginning but a wonderful end.


 Part II:  Just last week Ksusha wrote a poem about who she is now, 10 years after being adopted.  I call this the "I am an American girl, I am a believer, and I am a daughter" part of the story.  Symbolically, I think of it as "I am beginning to walk towards the Promised Land the Lord has for me."  

I am from a small town near St. Petersburg, Russia

I am from a family of 12

Cristi, sasha, masha, katya, anya, alex, sveta, vasya,

Trevor, me, and my mom and dad

I am from the country

My favorite songs are

“remind me,” “Country Girl (Shake it from me)”

And “crazy girl”

I am from dirt bikes and four wheelers

Horses and trucks

I am from Jesus Christ

My favorite verse is jeremiah 29:11

I am from my mama’s cookin’

Mashed potatoes and country ham

I am from a loving family

Who always understands.

Ksusha, in her daddy's arms, then and now.

The Hillis family.