"Dad, I've gotten myself into a little trouble....."

It happened almost every weekday around 6:30 and it was one of the most touching things I have had the privilege to witness. It is a picture of adoption really—simple, deeply moving, and truly beautiful. 

Our three boys, all recently home from a Russian orphanage, would climb up on the wooden fence in front of our house and just look down the road. I remember the first time they did it I wondered what they were up to. (Back in those early days of adoption I wondered that a whole lot!!) 

And the oldest, still speaking only Russian, pointed down the road and said something about “Papa”—being super bright I was able to translate that right away!  And I recognized “waiting,” a Russian word I had learned, along with lots of other mommy vocabulary like “brush your teeth,” “I love you,” “be careful,” “time for bed,” “don’t do that!” ……. not to mention a few cuss words that our children would repeat when angry. Wondering what in the world they were saying, I asked a Russian speaking friend to translate. Yikes!  

Over the years there have been many moments like that one, the kind of moments that compel you to reach for your camera in hopes that you can somehow hold on to the warmth and beauty of it all. I didn’t get a photo of my boys waiting for their Papa back then, but I see them still and think, “That right there is what adoption is all about— that child has a Daddy to wait for at the end of the day.”

And when I think about these children, who once were orphans standing at a different fence watching people who weren’t their parents drive away, I am overwhelmed. 

But my understanding about what is beautiful has changed, or more accurately has expanded, since those early days of the Papa-lookout. God has been teaching me to see the beauty and power of adoption in what at first look (and even second and third look!) appears to be only ugly.

Let me explain by telling you another adoption story, although if you are like me you may not recognize it as beautiful.

A few years ago my husband and I travelled to Texas to be with his mother, who was having surgery. Leaving our seven children, all older teens and young adults by this time, made us a bit nervous since a few of them were not doing too well. Just as Stephen’s mother was being wheeled back into her hospital room after surgery his phone rang. Such bad timing, as so many parenting moments are!

As soon as I saw his face I knew two things: it was one of our children, and it wasn’t good.

I was right. 

“Dad, it looks like I’ve gotten myself into a little bit of trouble,” he says. 

He was making this call from jail. 

The details aren’t necessary, but I will tell you I was so angry. I felt deeply disappointed, deeply discouraged, and deeply weary of the battle. 

And I could only see the ugly in this. 

A few hours later I was able to take the time to pray, which began with me complaining to The Lord, and then asking Him once again to please tell us what to do to help our son heal and live in the freedom of sonship.

And as is always the way with God, He answered my desperate question with a life-giving response, so different from what I was looking for.  

“But Beth, this is a SON who has a DADDY to call when he has ‘gotten himself into a little bit of trouble.’” 

Just that. 

One sentence that completely changed my perspective and transformed what was ugly into something truly moving. 

What felt like yet another failure, of my son and of our parenting, became a powerful picture of adoption. 

For this was no orphan. 

This was a SON. 

Who had a FATHER.

This was simple, deeply moving, and truly beautiful. 

This, my fellow adopters, is what adoption is all about. It isn’t what I had dreamed of when we brought our children home 17 years ago, and it has cost us more than we ever imagined, but it is the work of the Father’s love played out in all of our lives. 

It is what adoption is all about. 

OUR WEIGHTED BLANKET

From Beth:

Stephen and I were not as prepared as we thought we were for parenting our new children. Truthfully, we thought we had this parenting gig down. We didn't know that our adopted treasures would need something different from us. But, as with many of us who adopted before all the trauma and adoption education was so wide-spread, we figured it out pretty quickly! Yikes!

Our first clue came in those early days after coming home from Russia with our new son and daughter. Huge HUGE transitions for us all! We were constantly asking the question, "Is this behavior adoption related? (We didn't even know to ask if was trauma related!) Or is this normal for this child? Or maybe it's just the stress of travel and jet lag, or frustration at not being understood, or.....?" 

It reminded me of caring for our three newborns, actually. "Is she crying because she's hungry? Tired? Needs a diaper change? Sick?....." But, our children who came home to us through adoption were older, years beyond diapers and midnight bottle feedings. 

Once the honeymoon stage was over, the rages began. It became clear that our son's fits were actually not fits at all. There was an intensity, a deep place of anger and fear, that I soon realized was more like rage than any childhood fit I had ever seen. 

I remember times when I would literally lay the weight of my body over my son's raging little form-- praying that he would know that he was safe, desiring that my embrace would keep him from hurting me or himself, hoping that maybe the strong physical presence of his loving mother would somehow communicate to him that no anger need ever overcome him, that peace would replace fear. The weight of my love was the beginning of the miraculous process of displacement that is adoption. 

Whirling fear is displaced with love 
Raging anger with an anchored peace
Dark hopelessness with a bright future

Over the years I have found that the trauma my son experienced before he came home requires this action of displacement quite often. Like a weighted blanket, I still cover him. Of course, I don't cover him with my body any more for he has grown into a strong young man, but with my love, through prayer and words of hope. 

It is so clear to me that as surely as my husband and I are creating a legacy of love and security and hope for our children, that there exists also an orphan legacy--things handed down to a child from a past marred by relinquishment, fear and lack. But in those long moments of struggle with my son, and all through the years when the legacy of fear would burst to the surface despite the weight of our love, I have known that when God's peace rules, the orphan legacy is nullified. It must make way for life-giving peace.

For though the mountains should depart and the hills be shaken or removed, yet My love and kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace and completeness be removed, says the Lord, Who has compassion on you. (Isaiah 54:10)

And it has not stayed hidden from me for long that I am not so unlike my son. His trauma has traumatized me. His pain has become my pain. 
And I am desperately in need of the weighted blanket of my Father's love. 
And I must choose, once again, to allow His legacy of love, peace and hope, displace my fears and heal my wounds. 

RUSSGLISH

From Beth:

There are so many sweet blessings tucked away in adoption. So many unexpected moments of beauty. 

Our youngest daughter loved to play with dolls and could spend hours playing house, but her two older sisters were not as interested. So when Kristina came home at age 10 it was especially sweet to see the two of them disappear into a closet or hidden corner to play. Julia had found the sister she had been missing all this time--the older sister who liked to play the way she did! 

Julia on the left, Kristina on the right

As I said, it was one of those many unexpected gifts God put on display for us as we journeyed through this wonderful reality that is adoption. 

One day Stephen and I peeked into the bedroom and heard the strangest thing. We didn't want them to see us. You know how that is--when you have two children playing happily the last thing in the world you want to do is put an end to it! And we were about as stretched thin as we could stand trying to make the adjustment to adding two older children into our family. Makes me tired just thinking of it! 

So, we quietly stood at the door and listened to the most precious sounds. The two new sisters were playing dolls and Kristina, who didn't speak English was jabbering away to Julia. Julia, who didn't speak Russian, was replying back. Both were completely engaged; neither frustrated with a lack of communication. Then we'd hear sweet Kristina throwing in some English words she'd picked up. And Julia mixed in some of the Russian words that had begun to be familiar in our home. 

We called it Russglish, and they played in that language for many months. 

This is what adoption does to a family. It changes all of you. It pulls on each member to yield and morph and grow and adjust. We are not the family we would have been had we not adopted, as surely as our adopted children are not the people they would have been had they not become Templetons. 

I am deeply thankful to our God who does not leave any of us the way we are, always calling us forward into new places of growth. I want to be as open to change as those two little girls were, willing to change the language of my life so that it communicates more accurately His love. Adoption has been doing that work in our families, as I imagine it is doing in yours as well.

IS ADOPTION TOO HARD?

From Beth:

I don't think I've met a parent in the process of adoption with children at home already who doesn't ask this question, in some form or other: 

How will this affect my children? Will they be harmed? What if they are hurt through this decision to adopt? 

We need to ask these questions. Going into adoption with our eyes opened and the rose colored glasses off is important for sure. 

It was a question Stephen and I asked when we first realized God was calling us to adopt. I told the Lord this was fine and good and all, but I couldn't do something that would place our three girls in danger. I told Him that I needed to be sure we really were hearing right. 

So many unknowns. 
So many scary stories and warnings from well-meaning friends. 

So, as with all things in this life, it comes down to this:

What Is God Saying?

As we prayed, Stephen felt the Lord respond to our concerns. God told us that yes, it would be hard on our daughters. It would cost them something. 
But He assured us that it would be the kind of hard that would build them up, not tear them down or bring damage to them. 

And that was all we needed to hear. 

We realized that actually it wasn't our goal to try to create a home where nothing bad or hard ever happened. We weren't looking for a life where our girls had no challenges to overcome. 

In reality, we came to embrace the fact that adoption would bring challenges into our home. And indeed, that has been the case--far more than we anticipated actually. 

How true is it that challenges and hard times are often the very best way to know Jesus in deeper ways?! And that right there is really what our parenting is all about. That is the bottom line. 

So we embrace what is hard, knowing it is all happening in the context of love and in the safety of God's plan for our children, both the ones born to us and the ones grafted in. 

Those of you who had children at home before you adopted or fostered, what helped prepare your children? What helped make the hard times productive for your child?

Here are a few of my thoughts:

1. Prepare children ahead of time by talking about the life your adopted or foster children are experiencing. As much as it is possible for you, begin to create a common history even before the adoption. We were all amazed to find out there was a live webcam in Vyborg, Russia, so we could see the people walking down the street, see what they were wearing and how cold it was. Make use of the internet to find out about the history and culture of the place your child lives. If it is possible, write letters and send gifts as a family. We have some of the sweetest notes from our children to their new siblings and those interchanges did much to connect us as a family. Although this is not possible or wise for everyone, when it is appropriate travel as a family to receive your new child. The common experience you will have as a family in your adopted child's environment will expand understanding and compassion. The week we shared as a family in Russia before each adoption gave us our first family stories, not in our home, but in our adopted children's homes!  
2. Anticipate what is ahead POSITIVELY. We might be tempted to tell our children how hard it is going to be, how they will be jealous and how difficult their new sibling might be. Rather, stress the positive as you prepare for the challenges ahead. Don't ignore the fact that life is about to change, but help your children see their role from a place of strength. For instance you might say, "Sometimes you might feel like you want mommy's attention when I am feeding the new baby (or helping teach your sister English, etc...) You are going to be such a good helper. Isn't it good that God has made you to be the big sister?! You'll get to teach her so many things. Do you think you could teach her how to get dressed by herself like you do? (or help her learn English words?)" Emphasizing the role of the sibling, as the one who can help and give with an open heart will help your children see that things are going to be required of them, but that they can give with love rather than see this season as a time where things are taken from them.
3. Let your children know, not once but over and over and even years after your new child comes home, that there is no topic off limits. They may need to be able to say "I wish we had never adopted," or "I don't like the way it is." Give them the freedom to let you know when they are not doing well with all the "hard" stuff. Make time to let them talk to you, without fear of judgement or correction. This freedom will take you all through many a tough time!
4. See the challenges as an opportune time. Help your child recognize for her/himself that when we are weak it is actually right there that we get to know God and the strength of His love for us in a new, deeper way. Be sure to pray together through the hard times and painful issues. The enemy would love to use this as an opportune time to speak his lies, but God has better plans for your children!!

Read about adoption from the perspective of children born into the adoptive family on our blog by clicking on the Children's Stories tab. 

Do you know an older child who has a story to tell? We are interested in hearing from teen and adult children, both those born into the family and those adopted. (Not every story will be accepted.) 

Email us at hopeathome@northlandschurch.com

LOVE POURED OUT!!

When you've done something 4 years in a row you might think it could get just a little "been-there-done-that-ish"--right? 
Not even close! Hope at Home 2014 was just what God told us it would be--above and beyond. I know a lot of you reading this were not able to be with us, but those of us that were there felt, once again, the love of God for us and for our children.
We hope that through our Blog, Facebook Page, Pinterest and Twitter that we are able to share this love so needed by us all--for His love is 
effective 
powerful 
practical 
healing
enduring
and GOOD! 

Enjoy these photos from our dear friend Ruth and her team, along with some comments from parents who attended. And while you are at it, mark your calendars for Hope at Home 2015, September 25-26!!
ou

Beth and Susan--cofounders of Hope at Home

THANK YOU....THANK YOU!!!!! We thank you all for touching us, loving us, and allowing God to so freely speak through you. We hope to see you at Hope at Home 2015!! Thank you for your faithfulness. I was very encouraged and blessed.

"Getting Real" Parent Panel

My husband and I left the conference feeling refreshed and renewed. The conference was wonderful. We came back excited and expecting God to move in a miraculous way for the well-being of our girls. We are so thankful for all the speakers. God used all of them to speak to us in unique ways.  

Our breakout for fathers is always a favorite. 

First of all, I just want to say thank you for your obedience to the Lord in what He has called you to take part in with Hope at Home.  The very things I was struggling with were touched on this past weekend...so THANK YOU for listening to His voice.  We truly had a wonderful weekend and were very pleased with how well things were prepared for us and how welcomed we felt by everyone.  Again, thank you SO much for everything.  I know hours of preparation goes in to something like this past weekend, so praying for rest for you and the others who made it happen! 

Our Hope at Home After Party with International Deserts and Live Jazz--so fun!

I will recommend this to ALL my foster friends, as it is so not typical of what we get in the form of training.  For most other training we feel as if we are just "doing our time" and there is nothing new.  But with this one, it is the hope that all foster families need, the only hope that will help in raising/fostering these little ones, the hope of Jesus!   

The opportunity to pray together is priceless. We love standing in faith with you, trusting God together for His kingdom to come in our families. 

What I want to say, is thank you! Thank you for making the entire conference about Jesus! Thank you for encouragement and refreshment in the Lord, thank you for including the guys who are often left out, thank you for the section on marriage and thank you so much for the prayer room! I love prayer and that part was very, very special to me! I loved the pastor's message too....there wasn't actually anything I didn't like!

Scott Means' message was just what our marriages needed! 

"IT'S FRIDAY, BUT SUNDAY'S COMIN!"--A PARENT'S PERSPECTIVE

From Susan: 

Just 2 more weeks to Hope at Home 2014!! If you have already registered, we are praying for you and your family by name. It is hard to express our sense of confidence in the Lord for this event. We are EXCITED!! 

And if you have not registered, our arms and hearts are open wide to welcome you dear friends. Please consider joining us for this gathering of Real Families, sharing Real Help and Real Hope.

"It's Friday, but Sunday's comin!" 

We all have those little quotes that stick like glue in our memories. This quote by Tony Campolo was actually His trademark. No matter what we or those we love may suffer on any given day, the truth is, in Jesus, we know the that even when it feels like crucifixion-Friday, resurrection-Sunday is coming! And if you are living on the resurrection-Sunday part of this week, there is someone within your reach who needs you to pull them along towards you, as there are certainly friends and family close by who are today in the crucifixion-Friday side of life.  

I invite all of you to peek into what I keep seeing that the future holds for those called to help pray and love children into living like the treasures God created them to be! I separate our family adoption story into the beginning, the middle, and the ending.

The Beginning 

Life is busy, physically and emotionally tiring, full of school, homework, meals, music/art/sports lessons and events, funny stories like the day Vasya put his tooth that just fell out into the crack of the baseboard for the mice, only to burst into tears when all his brothers and sisters hollered, 'stop! stop!  In America we give our old teeth to the fairy so we get money, instead of giving it to the mice who are living hidden behind the walls!!' And Vasya bursts into tears as the rest of the kids are shaking back their giggles. So I save the day assuring him that I know the tooth fairy and will tell her to come anyway!  
While the practical challenges are exaggerated, the silly stories to offset them bring somewhat of a balance. 

We pray their faith will become their own, and not just their parents'. 

We tend to our children's hearts and souls, trusting that they and we are being raised together to the kind of newness of life that Jesus' resurrection ushers in by His Holy Spirit who comes to live in our hearts. 
  
We pray the Lord will meet them where they are and they will feel His supernatural help that transforms problems with school and friends and neighbors and  family and feelings, by the love of the Holy Spirit, poured out into their tender hearts, often through our tender affection.

The Middle

As kids from hard places walk through the teen 13 to 19 and young adult years, they, like Peter, often try on their orphan identities again. You see, that Erikson Developmental Stage of identity versus role confusion (ages 13-19) must be worked through. Only if they are believing they are who Jesus says they are--sons and daughters of the King of kings and sons and daughters of their loving parents, or as Luke calls us, children of the resurrection, will they be able to walk in emotional and spiritual health. 

It is typically a process, and they often flip in and out of the opposing poles. While we would love to force them into the right pole--the sonship/daughtership pole--the only help that is ultimately effective is the force to love approach. That is, I force myself to focus on love more than change. And the Fount of Love Himself gives me His love, Jesus' love, the love that we tell them about when they are little. This is the love that will never change even if they are "bad.''  

So when they make bad choices that have bad consequences, we keep reminding them, "I know who you are, even though you are not living like who you are. You are kind, loving, generous...."--whatever those unique giftings are we see in them. We keep speaking truth even when they are themselves believing lies and living lies, telling themselves things like "I am worthless; my life will be bad; no girl will ever want to marry me; I will not be able to get a good job; I am a failure....."  

In these years, particularly, we are they who must keep seeing the Invisible Hand of our Loving Lord, placing angel armies around them and around us.  We trust that their story will end like Peter's, who, in spite of denying who he is and who Jesus is, He ends up being the one who feeds the sheep, tends the sheep, and feeds the lambs--over and over and over again. Just read Acts for all that Peter changes to accomplish, after He is fully filled with the Holy Spirit and comes to see Himself as Jesus saw him all along.

The End

All the kids will grow up and leave home and we will all become empty nesters. I didn't really think this would ever happen to me! What is that like? Well, for me, it is WONDERFUL! I get to keep the relationships with our children who value keeping the relationship (most of them do!) and keep loving them.  

At this stage, they must move through intimacy versus isolaton (20-30ish). When their hearts are broken by a boyfriend or girlfriend, this fear of aloneness and abandonment is more destructive in its "crucifixion-Friday" threat--and we keep reminding them that they have a SURE HOPE of intimacy with Jesus and with us and with other believers that no one and nothing could ever threaten! When we see them isolating themselves we text and call and email and instagram messages to them that are reminders of the hope we ourselves determine will be our own trademark. 

And we keep loving with a view to "Sunday's comin'!" 
And we keep loving all the others the Lord is sending our way -- the "whoevers" of Mark 3-- "whoever does the will of my Father, He is my brother and sister and mother"--and I would add "and son and daughter."

Prayer   

Lord Jesus, today we pray for all those in every country who are loving children who need families and who need You;  we pray that we would be living the 'Sunday's comin!' life of hope in Your being an anchor for our souls.  And that as we do, our children and many others would simply copy us as we copy You.  I just love how, virtually every time You, Jesus, speak in the gospels of your coming crucifixion, You yourself always add:  "and the third day I will rise.'  We praise You for John 6, that You, when you remind us four times that You are the bread of life, You also remind us over and over that when we COME TO YOU, that YOU raise us up to newness of life.  Evermore strengthen us to walk in this resurrection-raised-Sunday's comin! life.  For your glory.  For the hope of our hearts, our homes, our world.  In Jesus Name. Amen.

HOPE AT HOME 2014 BREAKOUTS

It is hard to describe how exciting and humbling it is for us to prepare and share these breakout sessions for Hope at Home 2014 September 26-27. We are full of anticipation and hope for our time together with you all. There is still time for you to register-- come on and join us for this weekend of refreshing, equipping and HOPE for adoptive, foster and waiting parents. 

Breakout Session I:

1. Fathering: Bringing Peace, Order and Life Into Our Homes 

In this breakout for dads, we'll discuss the awesome role we have as fathers to bring peace, stability, order and life to our homes. We'll address practical issues, sharing systems that have been helpful in bringing freedom to our wives and children. We'll talk about the power to define that we have as fathers, and how we can instill in our children their true identity by hearing from the Lord for each child and speaking words of life over them.  Stephen Templeton and Greg Haswell

2. Letting God, Letting Go

The process of bringing our children to a point of spiritual, emotional, and economic maturity and independence is difficult in the best of situations. It is often even more difficult with adopted children. Rather than letting go and letting God, we will look at the hope brought by letting God and then letting go. Susan and Brian Hillis

3. Called and Qualified

What a gift from God it is to be called mother/mom/mama. Answering this call brings much joy, satisfaction, challenge, and at times deep heartache. Many mothers find themselves facing an identity crisis. As lives are poured out for the sake of our children, questions such as Who am I? Am I qualified for this? How do others do it? arise in our hearts. 

In this breakout for mothers, we will take a look at some of the answers to these questions from heaven's perspective. Michelle Haswell

Breakout Session II:

1. Keeping the Connection: Parenting in Grace

How do we create, maintain, and deepen our parent/child love connection, and at the same time provide the much-needed structure of discipline? We'll talk about some practical parenting tools and concepts that free us to be grace-filled and forward-looking parents. Beth Templeton

2. Banishing Fear--Beginning the Journey of Fearless Parenting in God's Love

This session will look at the nature of fear and anxiety and the biblical possibility of gaining freedom in Christ from fear and anxiety.  We will discuss some practical ways to identify fear and anxiety as well as turning effects of fear and anxiety into acts of worship. We will also offer a time of Questions and Answers. Dr. Terry Mitchell

3. Nurturing Your Child's Spirit 

This breakout will offer practical ideas and teaching on helping your child enjoy their relationship with our Heavenly Father. As children encounter the love of God, they are released from the orphan spirit and discover their true identity as sons and daughters. Jenni Means

HOME SWEET HOME!

I never tire of hearing how our Father God brings children into families. The stories are endless confirmation of a miracle-working God whose love is extravagant, both for us and for our children. You will really enjoy this story from our friend Martha Cook. Martha and Andy have been married for 13 years. They both went to Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary where Martha got her Master of Arts in Counseling. Martha and Andy have two biological children, then two adopted from Ethiopia, then another biological son, and are now again in the process of adopting from Ethiopia! Some of you are familiar with Promise686.org, a ministry they helped start and play a key role in today. Promise686 reduces barriers to adoption and fostering by giving grants, offering childcare/meals, and help equip churches to bring orphans into their homes. In her spare time, Martha coaches people in all stages of life through her business, www.allabouttheprocess.com.  

 Don't forget to register for Hope at Home 2014 before August 26 so that you can take advantage of our Early Bird Special. 

From Martha Cook:

Our oldest (11) recently asked at the dinner table, “What if Andrew (9) and Sydney (6) had to go back?” I said that’s not possible. And he said, “Yea, but what if?”  

I shared that the legal process prevented it--but he wasn’t giving up! I didn’t want the idea even in their minds, but our oldest wasn’t letting go. So, I finally said (or maybe “overstated”) in a serious voice, “It’s not going to happen.”  I had, for no substantial reason, created an awkward moment. The brief silence, at the table with the seven of us, was ended by Andrew. He stood, looked at his sister, and raised his hand to high-five her and exclaimed with a huge grin, “Home Sweet Home!

Now let me describe a different scene—6 years ago we were three weeks away from flying to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, to get Sydney who was 4 months old, when I sheepishly asked my husband to adopt again. This was a bold move because we hadn’t even gotten our first one so if you know him, you do not ask for something next until the first thing happens. He went through many reasons for why he just couldn’t go through this again. With each reason, I had a beautiful defense, but by the end I just outright begged, because I really wanted our daughter to have another sibling in our family with a similar story. This had always been on my heart, but we had two young children already, a 4 year old and 3 year old, and that would be four children four and under. I had always hoped in my heart that somehow we would get a sibling group, but our agency had told us that it was so RARE to get a sibling group under 3 years old. So after an hour of debating, I surrendered and thought, “I’ll just have to pray about this.” He closed the conversation by saying that he’d only adopt again if the second child came alongside the first one. 

The next morning, I went out to get an oil change while my husband was home from work during the day (which never happened), and he answered the phone to discover our case worker on the other end. She explained to him that Sydney’s biological brother had been brought into the orphanage and then asked my husband if we were interested in adopting Sydney’s brother. 

My husband came to pick me up at the gas station, and casually said, “Guess what? We are having another baby.” 

Well remember, twenty-four hours before, he had just said “no,” so I thought, “What kind of mean trick is this?” I said, “What? Why are you doing this to me? This is so mean!”

 It took him six times before I believed him. He finally said, “The agency called and told me Sydney’s brother who is almost three was up for adoption, and I already told them yes.” 

Only God could design circumstances such as this where I would never have to worry over whether I was pushing my own desires on to my husband--he had come around in less than one day! 

At this point we expected we would have to wait another six months to bring our newest son home, since none of his paperwork had been done, but another prayer changed that. 

Each day that went by leading up to our trip, we began dreading having to take two trips and not be able to take our son, Andrew, home when we got Sydney. We just couldn’t understand how we would be able to leave. On the plane over there we devised a plan that before going to meet the children, we would go meet with the Ethiopian director of our agency and ask to bring them both home. When we went to meet him, he looked at us as if we were a bit crazy. His answer was, “It would take a miracle to do that.” My husband replied, “Would it be okay for us to all pray right now and ask  God for a miracle?” The director looked annoyed, but since it was a Christian agency I think he thought, “Well, I guess I have to do that.”  My husband  prayed for all of the necessary paperwork to be done in two weeks. As we left the office, we noted that the director’s mood was much lighter, and off we went to meet our children. About ten minutes later as we were in the taxi, we got a phone call from the director… He said, “You won’t believe it but one of the steps has already been done on Andrew’s paperwork. Let’s take this one day at a time and see what happens.” 

Home-Sweet-Home came two weeks later. I think of this story frequently and some days I wonder why I ever wait to pray about my desires or concerns. The God who provided my children still sits on the throne today. Life is a bit hectic in our house, and frequently there are questions like Bobby’s persistent “What if they had to go home?” that I just don’t quite know how to answer.  

But I smile when I remember that God still provides one day at a time. 

For ongoing daily encouragement and resources, come on over to our Facebook page. You'll find us on Twitter and Pinterest!

DANCE WITH THE ONE THAT BRUNG YA

From Beth:

Before we get to this post, just a quick reminder that Hope at Home 2014 is coming up, September 26-27 and boy are we excited to see you dear friends!! Our Early Bird Discount ends August 26, so be sure to take advantage of that. Can't wait to give you all a big hug! 

There's an old Texas saying from a University of Texas football coach, "Dance with the one that brung ya." In sports, it means to go with the players and plays that result in wins. 

For me it means to continue on in our adoption journey the same way we began it, in the Spirit. I bet if each one of us reading this were to share how God brought us into this amazing expression of His love for orphans, we would all be telling stories of the supernatural-- of His calling, moving, providing, radical work in our lives and in the lives of our children. How many stories have you heard of people looking at a computer screen and falling in love with a complete stranger?! 

We so know who is behind that! It is the Spirit of God, the Spirit of Adoption moving supernaturally. 

But somehow it seems strangely easy to almost seamlessly move from walking/dancing in the Spirit, totally aware that if God doesn't do His thing we won't get our children home, to parenting our children out of our own strength and resources. 

We got invited to this Adoption Dance, and then accepted the invitation, totally recognizing that this was not your run-of-the-mill prom. We were dancing with a partner who was moving way outside of our familiar dance steps! 

So, maybe you are like me and sometimes find yourself dancing alone. You look up and realize, what happened to my dance partner?! I'm struggling with these steps of parenting alone, in my flesh, and it's not working out so well--for me or my child!

It reminds me of what Paul wrote to the Galatians:

You crazy Galatians! Did someone put a hex on you? Have you taken leave of your senses?...
Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God’s Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren’t smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up! (Galatians 3:1-4 MSG)

Yep--only crazy people think they can parent their children in their own strength, knowing that it was God who brought them into their family by the Spirit. Ummm, that would be me-- at least sometimes. I am learning to PARENT IN THE SPIRIT more and more these days. 

If you have the time now, listen to this wonderful song by Steffany Frizell Gretzinger, We Dance. 

Oh dear ones, let us choose today to dance with the one that brung us-- our Jesus. There is no better dance partner for us in the Adoption Dance, this Dance of Love to the Song of Sonship. 

Lock eyes with the One who set your feet to dancing these steps of adoption beloved, and then parent from that place of embrace and movement. 

MERCY DISGUISED

Hope at Home 2014, September 26-27 is for you! This gathering of adoptive, foster, and waiting parents will be just the refreshing and strengthening input you and I need to parent our children for this long-haul parenting journey. Join us--we sure would love to see you in person!!

From Susan:

We adopted Anya and Alex at ages 8 and 7, only about a year after losing our son Jonny on that family bike ride. We were all walking toward healing together, as is always the case. Here is a story of our early adjustments--a reminder that mercy comes disguised.

Anya and Alex in the orphanage.

From time to time I found myself crying, but this time I was crying over the slow and steady infusions of renewed life to which death was slowly yielding. Like the time shortly after our return to Atlanta, when Alex wanted to go to the drug store with Brian and motioned for Brian to wait because he needed to change clothes–-he ran and put on one of Jonny’s old Halloween costumes, having no idea what Halloween was or why we had those costumes or even to whom those costumes belonged. 

Alex had never known Jonny, yet he was doing just what Jonny would have done. 

And the hilarious memory that I thought I had lost forever-– the memory of our exuberant son Jonny dressing up crazily to celebrate the simplest of days--had reentered my life in our new son Alex who had never even known him.  

Only the Lord could have orchestrated this surprise! And I laughed through dancing eyes and glistening tears, because this spectacle so often experienced in Jonny's lifetime had been mysteriously revived through Alex. 

The same kind of thing happened when Anya, shortly after learning how to operate the CD player, stood in front of it with the music up full blast, dancing and singing. Again I laughed through dancing eyes and glistening tears because this experience, so often lived with Jonny, had come back into my life again in a way that only Mercy could explain. 

But the Mercy ran on a two-way street. There was the time when Brian was in our backyard in the spring, raking up old leaves, and found a little dead bird buried beneath the brittle brown leaves. Without thought, he picked it up and tossed it over the fence. Anya suddenly became hysterical, screaming at the top of her lungs in Russian, which by now I had come to understand, “Daddy threw away the baby!!!! Daddy threw away the baby!!!!”

I tried with no success to explain that the baby bird was dead, only to be drowned out by Anya’s sobs of hysteria. In frustration I looked at Brian and said, “You caused this and you are going to have to fix it.”

So Brian came over to Anya in his calm way, took her hand and led her inside, then sat on the couch after placing her facing him as she perched on his lap. He looked her squarely in the eye and with his father’s love and heart, spoke softly but with authority, “Anya, let me tell you how much I love you.  I love you so much that I got in a big airplane and went all the way over to Russia, and then I went and found you and brought you home. I will always be your daddy and you will always be my little girl. I will never leave you and I will do all I can to make sure no danger ever hurts you. Do you want to go on a walk?”

By the time he had finished these assurances, Anya was calm, and she seemed to have recovered from the reminder that the dead little abandoned bird had a fate that could have become hers; now she understood what it meant for her daddy to love her. 

We now were once again living in a family who together savored life in spite of each of our previous encounters with death. In God’s irony, one son’s death had unlocked life--life of the body, soul, and spirit, for Anya and Alex.  

And as He was unlocking life for them, He was unlocking it us all.

The Lord's mercies are indeed new every morning! Let's look up and see them!