IS IT WORTH IT?

From Beth:

All that paperwork about killed me. I don't know what it was about the page after page after page to be signed, notarized, apostilled-- but I hated it! For some reason it stressed me out more than any other aspect of the adoption process.

I'll never forget calling my sweet friend Susan Hillis from the Apostille office in Atlanta in veritable hysterics. Poor Susan, I was crying so hard that she assumed I had been in a car wreck or something equally awful. But in reality I just needed to tell her how devastated I was that EVERY SINGLE DOCUMENT that I had painstakingly collected, and that had been meticulously notarized, was invalid. Those of you who have adopted internationally know the size of the pile of papers required. 

The idea that I would have to go back and do them all over again was crushing. It was:
A lot of work. 
A lot of stress. 
A lot of money. 
A lot of WAITING AND DELAY.

Now, 15 years later, my list of inconveniences, disappointments (some crushing and some just irritating), and prices paid in time, emotion and finance, has grown quite long of course. Mostly I don't think about my life, about our adoptions, about parenting, in these terms-- in terms of cost. 

But, every once in a while Stephen and I have been known to look at each other and say something like, "Wow, we really had no idea what we were getting into did we?!" Not out of regret at all, but more as a commentary on life, an acknowledgment that there have been prices to pay along the way.

Love is costly. 

We were going to adopt two other children. 

For a year we prayed every single day for Ivana and Yevgeny, a little 5 year old girl and 3 year old boy. We had their photo on our refrigerator and we thought for sure these were the children God had given us. 
We spent money. 
We spent time. 
We spent emotion. 

We spent with the joy that comes with Anticipation and Hope and Possibility!

I find myself tearing up with tender feelings and strong connection even after all these years seeing this photo again. Beautiful little treasures.

After a year of all of this spending the word got to their grandmother that these two little ones were going to be adopted to an American family. This grandmother, who had never visited her grandchildren before, must have come to a kind of awakening. She realized that this was not o.k. with her. She went to that orphanage and brought Ivana and Yevgeny home with her. 

When Stephen and I were told this news, we were devastated--completely shocked and confused, wondering how something we had been so sure of could turn out so differently from what we had "known."

I just know some of you reading this know EXACTLY what I am talking about. You have lived it. 

I will never forget driving in the car with Stephen praying about this, asking God what was going on? Had we completely missed Him? Were we even called to adopt? What did He want us to do? etc.

And then He spoke. In my spirit I heard God say, "Beth, if I had told you a year ago that I was going to use all that money you spent, all the time, all that prayer, all that love, all that pursuit.... to get Ivana and Yevgeny back into their birth family, would you have done it?" 

Who but the Lord can respond to a list of questions with a question and get away with it?! 
Who but the Lord can tuck into the folds of a question all the answers that I need?

A weight of peace fell on us. That is the way with Him. When He speaks, Life and Peace are released. 

We knew right away the answer to that question. Yes. Yes, of course Lord, we would totally have been willing to give all of that so that You could get these two treasures of yours out of that orphanage and into their home. 
YES. 

It was totally worth it. 

What price would be too much for that?

When I think of that year of effort from the point of view of that question, and then when I consider all the prices we have paid over the years (from helping siblings adjust, to parenting virtual strangers, to countless therapy sessions, to dealing with addictions and rebellions, to the simple day-in-day-out realities of a large family....) from that perspective, I am absolutely convinced that there is no price that is actually too much for the opportunity to love. 

It is totally worth it. 

FATHER'S FINGERPRINTS FOUND AT THE SCENE

From Beth:

He couldn't have gotten away with this one with out being noticed. He was so caught in the act!

When you leave your fingerprints all over the scene, you have to expect someone is going to recognize you--and I did.

The whole thing smacked of his m.o.; that he had been there was clearly evident.

Oh yes, I was an eye witness. At first I don't think anyone else even saw what was happening. And to this day, very few people actually know what transpired before their very eyes. 

But these eyes couldn't hold back the tears. I saw Him so clearly. His fingerprints were everywhere. 

It wasn't just that our son was graduating from high school. 

It wasn't just that he is the last of our 7 children to move into the new adventure of adulthood.

It wasn't just that I watched a young man whose first 7 years of life were spent in the pain and lack of relinquishment and all the harsh realities that lead to it, and then survived Russian orphanage life to have his whole future changed by the radical abundant love of his Father God. 

Oh yes, that was amazing and deeply moving. I could have written this same post just on that alone. 

But what really got me was seeing another young person walk across that stage to receive her diploma too. Another treasure who lived in the same orphanage as our son. 

Who does such a thing? Who but our amazing God orchestrates such a beautiful story? How do two orphans with little hope and love in their lives end up walking boldly in such an impressive accomplishment and heading uprightly as a son and daughter into a future filled with promise and life and hope, both in this world and into eternity?

Yes, His fingerprints are all over this. Oh how I love Him for who He is and for what He does! 

And congratulations to Sergei and Veronika!

I just have to say it again, adoption is indeed a beautiful thing and I am deeply honored to be a part of such a story. 

3 THINGS TO REMEMBER

From Susan:

Do Not Forget

I remember as though it was yesterday, visiting the sweet young 17 year old Tanya, a young orphaned girl studying in one of the Tech Schools in St. Petersburg. I had gone with our daughter Cristi, who was living in Russia for a semeseter of college, to visit one of the orphan girls she had befriended.  As we said our goodbyes, Tanya looked at me in the eyes and said, "Ni zabui" which means, "Do not forget." And I understood what she did not say, but was thinking:  "Everyone forgets girls like me, but please remember me.  Remember me as someone who matters and has worth. Do not forget about me as though I am invisible and never lived."

Remembering

So, this past week I have loved reflecting on two things: 
What God Remembers, and What God Does Not Remember.

1) Remember Mercy and Steadfast Love

David says in the Psalm 25:6-7 

Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love; Remember not my sins. 

When I, like the Lord, remember God's mercy and steadfast love for me and for my children, I focus on their gifts and strengths rather than on their moodiness or failures and choices that disappoint me. And we go on to remember God's mercy for those children like Tanya who are still living without families, we wilI pray and speak out for the love and mercy due them, before a world that so comfortably forgets.

2) Remember God's Power to Turn Even Our Worst Tragedies and Theirs Into His Miraculous Blessing

In spite of his brothers' guilt for their horrible mistreatment that leaves Joseph living like an orphan, Joseph instead remembers God's redemption,

Fear not - you meant it for evIl, but God meant it for good, that many people should be kept alive. 

This mirculous redemption of family dysfunction is our hope and prayer....for our own families and for those dear ones like Tanya who are waiting and hoping and praying for someone to remember them. 

3) Remember to Listen to God's Words and Accept Them

We see in the parable of the sower (Mark 4), that we are encouraged to remember/listen to God's words (the person whose seed is planted in deep soil) and that these should fill our memory! In contrast, we do well NOT to remember/focus on tribulation or persecution or cares of the world, or riches, or the desire for other things, like those for whom the seed falls on rocky ground or among the thorns.

As we hear many conversations among our teen and young adult kids, and in our myriad social spheres, we realize that our memories and stories will help drive and shape theirs.  So we will speak of the kind of things that God values we remember, as He opened to me this week:

1. His mercy and love for me and my own and for kids and adults still waiting for someone to love them, and we look at others, really seeing them, sensitive to chances our Lord gives us to love them.
2. His power to redeem even the most hopeless of circumstances. Those of you who know us, know we have had many!
3. His intimate friendship in inviting us to let God's words fill our memories and shape all aspects of our lives -- so that we will naturally find Jesus' life and love multiplied in us, contagious, spreading to scores of others in our spheres of influence. 

For you, dear reader, may you remember and speak to others of your stories of mercy and love and redemption and revelation. As we do, others are encouraged by the Lord's intent to enter and transform their stories!

JUST ASK

From Susan Hillis:

Do you ever say to yourself, "I didn't sign up for THIS!!!!"?  Often when I feel that way, if I stop to reflect, I realize that I am trusting myself to find a solution to whatever the 'THIS!' is at the moment.  Maybe an angry child.  Maybe distance in a relationship that I expect to be close.  Maybe someone asking for help that is way beyond what I am able to offer.  Well, I am probably more known than I wish I were for making this statement at home and work and church, "I didn't sign up for THIS!" And it's funny that the things I feel that way towards are often flipped inside out and upside down to become the biggest testimonies of all!  So I have been relearning some lessons about the immense generosity that God wants to pour out on His own this week.  

I Couldn't Get Her Picture Out of My Mind!

I couldn't get her picture out of my mind.  The cute little 9 year old girl who lives in an orphanage in Russia, and who has no real hands.  At the end of her left fist are 2 apparently misplaced fingers on one hand, and 3 sticking out rather oddly, almost like broken popsicle sticks, on the other.  And somehow someone had found me and sent me the pictures about two months ago, asking me to find a hand surgeon who wanted to make her two hands.  I had tried to ignore the picture, having no idea how to help.  But I couldn't.  It was just stuck there in my mind and wouldn't seem to move or even fade away.  So I wondered if perhaps God was going to show me a way to help her.  

"I don't have much time to give to this," I thought. "Lord, I wonder who could help her?" 
Immediately the name of a very capable children's physical therapist whose email address I had, came to mind.  I decided to send her a note at 11:00 pm last Wednesday night - "Well, I tried," I thought, wondering if she would have any ideas.  Before 7:00  the next morning, she had replied to my note, giving me the name of a hand surgeon in Atlanta who she expected would be thrilled about helping this little girl, and with whom she is connecting me.  I feel like a small little bead in a hugely long necklace that God is designing to reflect the intentional beauty of its Creator.  

I Couldn't Get "Just Ask" Out of My Mind

As is my custom in the mornings, I was enjoying having time with the Lord as I watched the light of day replace the darkness of night.  As I was quiet, in a listening frame of heart and mind, I had these two words strongly impressed on my mind:  

JUST ASK  
It is what I had done the night before with the physical therapist.  JUST ASK. 
And it was how I needed to live more fully with our Lord.
JUST ASK.  
I had an insurmountable challenge at work that day and it occurred to me, 
JUST ASK.  
So I did - and was immediately assured of help I did not expect.  And somehow, now these two words,
JUST ASK 
seem to have replaced the spot occupied by those two misshapen hands that had sat immovable in their place.  And along with them, the reminder from the words we know so well, "You have not because you ask not." (James 4:2)

So this week, dear one, 
JUST ASK.  
Ask God for what you need.  
Is it wisdom?  
JUST ASK.  
Let's just ask for Daniel's type of wisdom - 10 times that of the most knowledgeable in the kingdom.  
Is it healing in a relationship?  
JUST ASK.  
Let's ask the One who makes all things new, and who broke down the barrier of the dividing wall between Jews and Gentiles.
Is it provision that extends way beyond your own capabilities?  JUST ASK.  
Our Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills.  It is so easy for Him to sell a few!

We have a Father who DELIGHTS to give good gifts to His children!

Dial the Heavenly Phone Number

My roommate in college, Jane Adams, would often giggle and say, "Susie, just dial the heavenly phone number....ISA-6524."  And that number is indeed an irresistible invitation:  "BEFORE THEY CALL I WILL ANSWER AND WHILE THEY ARE STILL SPEAKING I WILL HEAR." (Isaiah 65:24)

Let's Just Ask

Many of you know the Riders, who have been praying for their little daughter in Kyrgystan for 5 years.  They met her expecting to shortly bring her home on the subsequent visit, only to have the laws stop all international adoptions before they could return.  That dear little girl needs her parents, and these dear parents long for their little girl. A number of folks are praying and fasting for doors to miraculously be opened.  Will you join and JUST ASK now for her to be miraculously united with her family? 

Together we are, dear friends, participating in changing the world.

An Adopted Child's Perspective on Adoption: Ksusha

From Susan Hillis:
Part I:  Here is the story that our effervescent Ksusha wrote about what being adopted was like for her, about her early roots and the memories she has before being adopted. This part ends with the story of coming home to our large family, a family being restored after she had lost her first family.  I would call this the 'I am adopted' part of the story.  Symbolically, I think of it as the "I leave Egypt" part of her story. 
Ksusha is in 10th grade. This first part of her story was written when she was 12 years old, five years after she was brought home.


Healing: A Hard Beginning And A Wonderful End
 
I am going to tell you a little about my life. I was born in Russia.  I had 3 sisters and one brother.  Before my mom had me, my brother Alex and my sister Anya got taken away and put in an orphanage, and I had 2 sisters left, Sveta, who was one year old and Masha, who was 4 at the time.  When I was born, Masha was like a mom to me.  She took good care of me when my mom and dad were drunk.

Ksusha's Russian birth parents

When I was 4 years old, there was a knock at the door.  One of my parents went to answer it.  When I saw it was a police, I got scared and ran and hid under my crib, but that sure wasn’t a good hiding place because they saw me and were trying to take me away.  I tried to hold on, but it didn’t work.  They picked me up and took me to the car.  Even though I was 4, I could still understand what was happening.  I screamed, cried, and tried to get out, but it didn’t work.  A couple minutes later my 2 big sisters joined me.  I was happy to see them, but I could see my dad and mom crying.  They didn’t want us to go because they already lost 2 kids and now, 3 more.


 When I got to the orphanage with my 2 sisters, we were taken to different rooms.  We were together for about one year in that orphanage when one of my sisters, Sveta got taken away to another orphanage.  So me and Masha, who still was like a mom to me, were still together.  When I was 5, we got a letter saying that my dad had died.  It was heartbreaking to both of us.

Ksusha (left) with sisters Sveta and Masha

Later on that year, I started to ride the bus with some older friends to take piano lessons.  I would do that once a week.


Two years later I was about to get ready to go to piano lessons when my boss told me that I wouldn’t be going to piano lessons today because somebody is coming to see me and Masha.  It was very shocking, but I did stay and put on a beautiful purple dress.  But the lady never came.  The people that worked at my orphanage said that the lady would not come until the next day, because she went to visit Sveta and that is why she didn’t come.

Ksusha (center), with Sveta and Alex, runs from the orphanage
into her parents' arms

So the next day came, and this lady came.  She came with her husband and a little boy.  She said that Sveta wanted her to tell us that she misses us and that she is going to see us soon.  We were to happy to hear that.  And you wouldn’t believe what she told us next.  She told us she was the mom of Alex and Anya.  Masha couldn’t stop smiling and then my brother Alex, who I had never met and who Masha had not seen for 11 years, walked in.  It was the happiest day ever.  The lady whose name was Susan Hillis, with her husband Brian, adopted us on September 11, 2001.  When we got to America we saw our new beautiful family.  And guess what?  We had more brothers and sisters!  I had 4 brothers, Trevor, Sasha, Vasya, and of course Alex, and 5 sisters, 3 that were from my Russian family, Anya, Sveta and Masha, and also one more from Russia.  Her name is Katya and she was Anya’s best friend in Russia, and my parents had one more daughter, Cristi, so now in all my parents had 10 kids.  It is just amazing what God can do.  I had a hard beginning but a wonderful end.


 Part II:  Just last week Ksusha wrote a poem about who she is now, 10 years after being adopted.  I call this the "I am an American girl, I am a believer, and I am a daughter" part of the story.  Symbolically, I think of it as "I am beginning to walk towards the Promised Land the Lord has for me."  

I am from a small town near St. Petersburg, Russia

I am from a family of 12

Cristi, sasha, masha, katya, anya, alex, sveta, vasya,

Trevor, me, and my mom and dad

I am from the country

My favorite songs are

“remind me,” “Country Girl (Shake it from me)”

And “crazy girl”

I am from dirt bikes and four wheelers

Horses and trucks

I am from Jesus Christ

My favorite verse is jeremiah 29:11

I am from my mama’s cookin’

Mashed potatoes and country ham

I am from a loving family

Who always understands.

Ksusha, in her daddy's arms, then and now.

The Hillis family.

WHAT ABOUT THE ONES WHO DIDN'T GET ADOPTED?

Two more weeks to register for HOPE AT HOME 2011 at the Early Bird Price! Come enjoy the encouragement and refreshing you need to parent your adoptive/foster family. Get help in how to address the tough questions your children ask about their past, how to help your child hear from God, raising children with special needs, being a single adoptive mother, fathering your adopted child, and more. 


"Susan (Hillis) and I are heading to a town on the border of Finland called Vyborg. But to tell you the truth, I just wish I could come home," I say to my husband Stephen over the long distance phone line. My first trip to Russia had overwhelmed me in every way and what I wanted most after being exposed for the first time to the little faces that represented such great need, individually and globally, was to be back home with my three girls and husband. "There are two children there that the Director of Education wants us to meet." And so begins a wonderful story of God at work in the lives of ordinary people. You may have read some of this story from the perspective of our children. You can do that by reading "Adopted Children's Perspectives" and "Biological Children's Perspectives." But as with all good stories, there is was more going on beneath the surface!


We thought I had travelled to Russia with my dear friend Susan Hillis so that we could discern God's will for us in adoption. We knew He had called us at that point, but we were unsure how to proceed-- we recently had almost adopted a brother and sister who at the last minute had been removed from the orphanage. As is always the case with our amazing God, His plans were far greater than what we understood. Yet when Susan and I travelled to Vyborg, I ended up meeting Kristina and Pasha, who not long after became Templetons. As soon as it became clear that we would adopt from the orphanage just outside Vyborg, Stephen immediately typed in the words, "Vyborg, Christian" in his computer search engine (these were pre google days!) and up came "Vyborg Christian Center." He decided then to go ahead and contact these people, just to see where it would lead. Here is the email:

We got an immediate response from a wonderful woman who has since become as family to us. I asked Judy to share:
Hello. My name is Judy Grout.  My husband , Richard and I have been working in Vyborg, Russia, for a eighteen years.  He is director of the Vyborg Christian Center, an interdenominational Christian organization which serves in several different areas--evangelism, Bible and literature distribution, and help for the needy.

We first became acquainted with the State Orphanage in Vyborg when we went to the director and asked if we could teach a Bible class in the orphanage, as we had done in other institutions. She firmly gave us a negative answer, saying that it was against the Russian law.  But a few months later we received an email from the Templetons, saying that they were planning to adopt  from this orphanage and asking if we could visit their children .  This opened a door for us to have a ministry there.  I began teaching English classes to prepare these children for adoption.  Others in the orphanage attended these classes and others were also adopted.  Then the Lord provided (through a local  factory owner) a meeting room near the orphanage where we could have Bible classes which the director allowed the children to attend.

Eleven children from this orphanage have been adopted by Christian families in America, and we have met all these families before or at the time of the adoption. We feel that it has been a great privilege to minister to these children even before they met their new families. These Christian families have also had a profound influence on the director of the State children’s home, who in her last years there as director became very appreciative of the work we were doing with the children in our Bible classes.  The songs they sang about God touched her heart.

One of the families from Atlanta to travel
to Vyborg and adopt

Judy and Richard visiting two of the children
adopted by a family in Orlando

As Susan and I drove away from the orphanage, I was filled with mixed emotions. On one hand I felt incredible joy at having met these two amazing children who I felt God calling us to adopt - I had met my son and daughter. Yet as I looked out the back window, I saw a line of other children standing at the orphanage gates, waving forlornly as we pulled away. I couldn't help wonder what would happen to them, whether they would find loving families or end up on the streets after their time in the orphanage was up. A heavy weight filled my heart as I realized I couldn't adopt all of them, couldn't give all of them the love and care that they deserved. But the beautiful thing is that God can, and has.


We feel God has given us a great privilege to see some of His "behind the scenes of adoption" work through our friendship with the Grouts. Judy and Richard not only became a connector for the children who were being adopted, they also developed a truly amazing and fruitful ministry to the ones who did not get adopted. Judy shares,


All  of the children had friends who were never adopted, and we tried to continue to be friends with them even after they left the orphanage. Many continue coming to visit us, we try to celebrate their birthdays, and we have even helped some to get started in local colleges.  Several years ago we started a “homecoming dinner” on Friday evenings for these youth who had no home to go to.  This has evolved into a youth meeting that includes many  others now, but there are usually some orphans present.  These children have become like our extended family and we hope to be here for them as a witness to the power of God to guide their lives so that their children will never need to live in an orphanage.


Many of you may be aware that the statistics on children who age-out of the orphanages are very bad. Most end up on the streets, in jail, addicted to drugs, or dead. Because of the prayers and ministry through Judy, a ministry primarily of love and relationship, the young people who were in our children's groups have completely flipped those statistics around. 

Just a few months ago we travelled back to Vyborg and attended one of Judy's parties. It was very moving to see a room literally filled with young people who have moved away from the orphanage, but who were living relatively good lives. Some of them are married, quite a few have children of their own already. Our daughter Kristina's best friend, Natasha (in the photo below on the right) has a baby out of wedlock. But this baby is a son in his mother's arms. He is not in an orphanage. Judy, along with others, is helping Natasha learn how to be the mommy she never had. One of the girls, has taken art classes and works in a store. Another young man, Sasha, is working as a mechanic. And Ruslan, who was in the first English class Judy taught in the orphanage is living in Sweden with a family and studying to be a nurse. 

Our Kristina (center) with two of her friends from the orphanage on a visit in 2009

Richard takes Ruslan to the ferry that will take him to
Sweden where he begins his studies

Julia and Lena with their 2 year olds

It is clear to me that this is the case because they are shown on-going love and have true relationship with this woman of God. She knows their names. She knows their birthdays. She knows who they are. And they know they are known. They know they are prayed for. They know they are loved. Sadly, this love has not come to them through adoption into a family, but look what the Lord has done!

April, 2011 at the Vyborg Christian Center
Kalinina Reunion Party

Many of these children have received letters from pen pals that Judy has given them. All have been prayed for by name over the years. Many have become Christians. She has photo albums with pictures of them through the years. Sitting at that table, I was so struck by the life-giving ministry of someone like Judy who did not adopt, but who visited, loved and KNEW these children. This is a powerful work. All of us who have stood outside of an orphanage or courtroom, arms wide open to receive our children, know the cutting grief and sadness from leaving so many behind. 

Lana Grace, Ksusha and Alex Hillis running from the orphanage
into the arms of their parents

Many times children stand at the gates as their friends drive
away to homes they can only dream of

With one email, a door that was shut tight swung open wide. A Soviet-style director went from the forbidding of Christian ministry to the open encouragement of Bible clubs, children's art programs, church attendance, and permission to spend the night with Christian families. God's hands are never tied, and our prayers are effective, changing lives for eternity. We never know what beautiful layers of God's purposes lie beneath the surface of our obedient responses to His voice. I encourage us today to pray for the children left behind, the ones who didn't get adopted. Pray in faith. Call forth people like Judy and Richard Grout. Support those whose ministry is to the orphan. And believe for the statistics to be reversed!

An Adopted Child's Perspective on Adoption: Pasha

We wanted to share some of the stories of adoption from the point of view of the children, both biological and adopted. It has been fascinating and faith-building to hear them tell their own stories of life from their perspective. The seventh in this series is from our greatly loved son, Pasha. Pasha is 16 years old, entering his sophomore year in high school.

I Was So Scared of My Mom Leaving Us                       

I don't remember much of what happened in my life before I was adopted because I was quite young. The few things I do remember is living with my mom in an apartment, however, I have no memory of my father. The thing that I do remember of my life before the orphanage was how I used to go on walks with my mom and we would talk.

Unfortunately the one thing that I do remember about my life before the orphanage is the day that Kristina, my sister, and I were taken to the orphanage because my mother couldn’t take care of us. I was so scared of my mom leaving us. I cried a lot and couldn't understand the idea that my mother was leaving me here with these people that I didn't know. In the orphanage, I made some friends, but I was still really young. 

I remember quite a few hardships that I faced there. There was a day when one of my toys got stolen and it happened right in front of my eyes. I tried to do something about it but the other boy wouldn't give it back making feel angry that I couldn’t do anything about it. I would have to say that I was an angry little boy because my life was not a happy one. I remember another time where an innocent boy hit me with a door by accident. He apologized, but my anger devoured me to the point where I hit him with a yo-yo so that he bled from his head. These were hard times indeed.

Pasha (blue striped shirt with red pants) in the hospital
for one of the checkups needed before adoption

With a group of kids on the orphanage playground.
Pasha is the 2nd child on the right with hat and colorful sweater

Pasha on his 5th birthday, with Kristina, meeting his
adoptive mother for the first time. At that point
none of us knew we were family!

I Was So Happy to Find Someone Who Cared

One day I heard that someone wanted to take me home with them and make me a part of their family. I became so excited! Every night, I would think about it before I went to bed. When I first saw my mom and dad my heart leapt. I was so happy to find someone who wanted to take care of me and who actually cared about me. The first time I saw them, they were only visiting. 


So you can imagine my disappointment when they didn't return for a while.  I was scared they were going to leave me here in the orphanage like my mother did. Nevertheless, they came back and I knew that I was going home with them forever. I already began to feel happy when we were at the airport. “We’re flying,” I thought to myself. I was happier than I had ever been in my life.  I was excited to see what America had to offer and I didn't hold my happiness back. I had so many toys, my own room, my own bed, and good food that was always available. 

It was a little strange at first, but I quickly learned how to get along. Everyone was so kind to me, unlike people in Russia. I was the only boy in the family, but I didn't mind. My family adopted two other boys about two years later. Andrei and Sergei. It was nice to have other guys in the family.

Pasha (center) with Andrei and Sergei at the Moscow
airport. New brothers!

At the beach, a yearly event

For quite a few years Pasha was rarely
seen out of "character." His
enthusiasm for super heroes rubbed
off on his brothers

Freedom Being in a Family

It was usually not hard for me to obey my parents or do what they asked me to do. The hardest part for me though was when I felt disappointed at not getting what I want. That makes me angry and it does take me time to get over it, but I eventually do. I felt like I had more freedom being in a family. Because I was very young, in the orphanage the workers had a lot of control over me. I couldn’t do anything against them because then I would get punished.

Oldest sister Emma checking out one of many movies
Pasha made

The boys with their Dad on a weekend away

Christmas Presents!

Finding Out, and Forgetting the Past

My advice to other parents is limited because I am still trying to figure things out with my parents. The few things that I can say to parents who are planning to adopt would be this: Just be kind to them and show love for this is the key. For me personally it helps to talk a little bit about my earlier life. Because I was so young in Russia it was nice to find out about my past. It was nice to also forget my past because once you are adopted it feels like you are starting a new life. At the same time it is important to remember your past and what you went through.  Never make them feel uncomfortable about talking about their past and what happened to them.

I Felt God Speak to Me

Before I came to America I did not really have a relationship with God for some time. But one night at Youth Group, I felt God speak to me and tell me how much he really loved me. My parents have always told me the story about how God told them to adopt me. I thank God for that.  God used my family to lead me to God. Over time, God has really showed me who he is and how much he loves me. 

Pasha (3rd from left) with friends from his youth group

Pasha, an excellent drummer, plays in the church youth
worship band as well as for Sunday morning worship

Register now for HOPE AT HOME 2011 where you will have an opportunity to speak directly with older adopted and biological children and ask them questions as you seek to parent well the children God has given you.