MISTAKES I HAVE MADE AND WHY IT TURNS OUT OK AFTER ALL

From Beth:

Looking back it is so easy to see that our family trip to Disney World not long after we adopted our first two children from Russia was a mistake. Looking back it is clear that there was WAY too much stimulation and overwhelming input for our newly adopted 5 and 10 year olds. (I know, you are probably saying, "Duh!" but there it is nevertheless!) We made it through, and even had some wonderful times together those few days, but it cost our two new treasures a lot emotionally and if we had to do it all over again, we would wait longer before we went. 

We have made many mistakes. 
We have pushed when we should have backed off. We have backed off when we should have pushed. We have yelled in anger and withdrawn in disappointment. We have said yes to things we should have taken a firm stand against, and we have said no to things we should have allowed. 

We have made many mistakes. 
And I am OK with that, more so now than ever. Here is why:

Christmas morning we had all 9 of us Templetons together. As our children continue to grow into independent adults I am aware that the time will come when we will not all be home for Christmas, so this year I was especially happy that we were all together once more. 

We decided to do something different this year and I honestly had no idea how it would turn out. But I figured it was worth the try! Before we opened our first gifts of the morning (we take turns opening them so that we can all enjoy each one), we asked everyone to share one or two things we appreciate about that person whose turn it was. It was absolutely amazing to hear what was said. We had done this before, but it had been awhile, and never Christmas morning. When it was my turn to receive, I realized I was being given a precious gift way beyond the value or meaning of anything wrapped in paper. But as much as I enjoyed hearing the beautiful things that my family had to say about me, I was even more blessed to hear what they had to say about each other. 

They honored one another, they discerned things about one another, they enjoyed one another. 

It was one of those moments in our life as a family that was "picture perfect" and filled with love. And it was one of those moments that is a balm to a mother's heart.

It was a gift made more precious because it was set in the context of the last few years, which have been marked by intensely difficult, scary, ugly, and sad moments in our family. The total antithesis of "picture perfect"--no one was reaching for a camera to capture those moments, I can tell you that! (Thank God!) I am not complaining, because it is clear to me that it was for exactly these difficult realities that God brought our children into our family. 

As I lay in my bed that night and thought about our Christmas day I felt the Lord tell me, "Beth, this time was a gift from me to you and Stephen. I wanted you to see that I am and have been at work in the lives of each one of your children, even when you mess up and even when they mess up. What you experienced this morning was the fruit of many many years of sowing love and honor. It is real and it is eternal and it exists in your family on the good days and the bad. Enjoy!"

I so loved reading Susan's post about how God's love is changing her, rather than her love changing her children. It really encouraged me to read of Father God's faithfulness to and in her wonderful family! We all need that encouragement along the way I think, especially when we are painfully aware of our shortcomings and failures as parents. The truth is there isn't a one of us who has done or will do it all right. We will make mistakes, and sometimes they will be big ones. But I am OK with that, and I hope you are too. 

So next time you are having a bad mommy/daddy day, I hope this testimony will encourage you and give you hope. 
Your mistakes and failures will never be able to diminish or nullify God's work of love in your family. 
Keep sowing love and honor, and trust God to guard the seeds in every season, especially the non "picture prefect" ones. Those imperfections, yours and theirs, are not the problem I thought they were, as it turns out. What a wonderful gift to us! 

Father God, thank You for Your love, which covers, guards and frees me, and every member of my family. Thank You for Your faithfulness in us and to us. Thank You that my parenting mistakes are not a problem for You--that in Jesus we are made whole and holy. Lord, give my family some moments like this Christmas morning testimony, marked by honor and love. Amen.

CHANGE TO LOVE, NOT LOVE TO CHANGE

From Susan: 

The Principle

I have found in all aspects of life, be they spiritual, practical, emotional, professional, developmental, or relational, that it is the foundational principles that provide the strongest and most stable supports for any host of perplexing questions.  About two months ago during my time with the Lord I sensed His Spirit whispering to me in prayer one morning,

Change to Love  

NOT

Love to Change. 

I understood that this simple truth is a guiding principal for nurturing our children and husbands and everyone else the Lord places in our lives! This freeing principal is so inexpressibly helpful and hopeful, that I have to pass it on!!! I believe it to be TIMELESS and AGE-INDEPENDENT!  

Let me explain what I understand it to mean:

1. My goal in any relationship is primarily to LOVE, NOT primarily to change the other person!
2. The path to this goal of love requires a change INSIDE of me! I must change in order to love them; it is NOT my goal or job to love them in order to change them! 

The Story

I remember the feeling of being deeply worried and distraught one day, when one of our young adult daughters was living on the streets with her boyfriend. In prayer I asked the Lord, "show me how to help her." The answer came back clearly, in 4 words:  

IT'S NOT YOUR JOB!  

Surprised, I asked, "Then what is my job?" 

And this answer was only 2 words:  

LOVE HER.  

So I did. We talked every day or 2 for the 3 years she was on the streets, and I would pray for her, and often say, "I know who you are; you are kind, loving, compassionate, beautiful, and have a real heart for the Lord. You are not living like who you are, but I know who you are, and I believe someday you will make the choice to live like the person God made you to be. Do you want me to pray for you before we hang up?"  And the answer was almost always, "Yes, mommy."

Through a series of miraculous circumstances, this sweet daughter was indeed rescued off the streets over a year ago and is going so well. In fact, I have been on and off the phone with her all day about celebrating her 23rd birthday in several days! Here is the picture of her getting the shoes she had been longing for as a Christmas present. She was so happy about the gift that she cried when she received it! 

The Scripture

As children adopted by the Lord ourselves, we recall that Jesus Himself "changed to love." 

He changed by leaving heaven's glory. He who was rich beyond all splendor, entered earth's humble and broken realm, "all for love's sake became poor."  In that oft-quoted passage from Ephesians 1:5 His goal was to love us. "In love, He adopted us!"  Or John 3:16, "God so LOVED the world that He gave..." Or I John 4, "In this is love, not that we loved God but that God loved us!"

And that amazing thing I have observed, unexpectedly, is that when our primary GOAL is to pass on to our children the love we receive from our Father, and from Jesus who is Emmanuel, and from His Spirit who is our Friend and Counselor, eventually they do CHANGE! 

The Picture

So, here is our family acting out the Christmas play, as is our custom over the years. 

What I love about it is the diversity birthed by Abounding Love --a love that is learning to replace criticism with prayer, offense with forgiveness, disappointment with hope, and most of all, to replace my changing them with my loving them. 

Happy New Year to each and every one of you! And may this be a year where each of us, every day, lives out this prayer: 

Today, Lord Jesus, change me so that I may love them well, that I may love them the way You love me! To love them as if they are You! To love them the way our heavenly Father loves You! Amen and Amen and Amen!

'TIS THE SEASON...

For many of us loving children who have experienced trauma, the approach of the holiday season seems more like a looming threat than a joyous prospect. We wonder if we will experience the meltdowns, opposition, and anxiety that so often accompanies the changes in schedule, people, place and food of the holidays. 
One of the benefits of having parented our adopted children for so long (they came home at ages 5 and 10, and 7 and10. They are now 18, 19, 21 and 23), is that we have had lots of time to learn, and the years have given us some helpful perspectives. So, here are a few thoughts to help us prepare for the season ahead. I'd love for you to add some of your own in the comments so that we can learn from each other and be encouraged along the way. With 34 people coming for Thanksgiving dinner this year, you can be sure I will be planning ahead and would love to read your ideas and thoughts!

Traditions and Unity
I am a big fan of traditions I have to say. In their place and for the right purpose traditions are a gift in any family. You may find like we have that the creation of traditions serve as an effective tool in building family unity and creating an anchor for your adopted children. Certainly it has been true for us that adoption does not lend itself to unity; family unity is something we parents must intentionally pursue. The very nature of adoption is to introduce someone from the outside into the life and heart of your family. I love the definition of unity though--check this out! Unity is "oneness, especially of what is varied and diverse in its element or part." An adoptive family is nothing if not diverse! We have found that creating family traditions has significantly helped us to be ONE family in the midst of much diversity. There is something about family traditions that fosters a sense of unity, connection, fun, and belonging. Embracing traditions in the next two months can create some much needed pockets of peace for your child.

Creating Traditions

Unlike routines, which are merely every day activities that require no special behavior and usually do not produce good feelings, traditions are "practices that create positive feelings and are repeated at regular intervals."  We think of traditions as being handed down from one generation to another, but you can create your own traditions to meet the needs of your adoptive family. For many of us these wonderful activities will be new, but traditions have to start somewhere! The first few Christmases after our adoptions we attended a Russian Christmas celebration, filled with Russian music, dance and food. It was an effort on our part to make our children feel valued and to give them something familiar and comforting. It ended up not becoming a tradition for us because it didn't seem to mean much to our children, but I do encourage you to think outside your family traditions to find activities that will be congruent with your family. I'll share one other Christmas idea with you. Because we have seven children and we were

trying to avoid having 42 presents under the tree (representing only the ones each child would buy for his/her 6 siblings!) it has become a tradition with us that each child give all the money he or she would have spent on gifts for their siblings to buy a gift(s) for someone in need. Over the years we have given anonymously to families struggling at our church, to homeless children at a ministry in our city, and to unwed mothers. I know that sounds very impressive so I feel I must tell you that we still have plenty of presents under our tree, and most of them are store bought! And not only that, but not everyone participates with great selfless enthusiasm--true confessions of a Christian mom! But we have found that this tradition of giving to someone in need is a wonderful way for our family to live out who we are as worshipers of Jesus. 

The Gift of Heritage

Along with creating new traditions, I encourage you to embrace ones that you grew up with and value. It is a wonderful gift to your children, especially your adopted children, to be warmly gathered into the heritage of your family, the traditions you grew up with. It creates in them a sense of belonging and history. It is a sad reality for our precious adopted children, to one extent or another, to have missing or fragmented histories. When we maintain traditions it fills in the sometimes gaping emotional holes that their missing stories have left. Take the time to tell your stories of growing up, of the things you used to do each year, and then do it again with your children! Both Stephen and I grew up in a liturgical church and we continue to enjoy observing Advent (the four weeks leading up to Christmas) with our children. It has been an effective way for us to celebrate Jesus in December. Our best family devotionals have been during these nightly readings, lighting the candles in our advent wreath, and sharing the amazing story of redemption.   

We have been surprised over the years at how protective our children are over our traditions. Sometimes we go to make a change, not actually realizing that something like the exact side dishes we have at Thanksgiving has become a tradition, and find out we are practically flirting with the unpardonable sin to add or subtract from the menu! Just two years ago I tried to place the Christmas tree in a different corner of the room and I wish you could have heard the uproar. Fascinatingly, it is our adopted children who often feel the most passionate about our traditions. They have an amazing memory about whose turn it is to put the star on top of our tree each year! I have come to realize that by giving them the gift of traditions we are creating a sense of security and belonging that goes beyond the counting of its value.

But don't expect your child to say, "Mom, Dad, I just want to tell you how much I appreciate our traditions. These are very important to me and they are meeting a deep need I have to feel connected." And don't be surprised if he/she complains or acts out in some way when it is time to set the table for Thanksgiving dinner with the name tags you use every year. Our traditions did not mean that our children did not have a tough time with all the busyness--some of them did. Even to this day I see the strain on a couple of our children when the house if full of people and noise, and the daily routine is nowhere to be seen. So, most likely you still will have to love your child through meltdowns or some other difficult response. But keep the long haul view my friends. It has been a great joy of mine to watch as our children have identified themselves with our family traditions over the years, and have found a strong sense of place and  belonging and connection. Now that right there is the spirit of adoption at work! 

I love what Bill Johnson says--having a history gives a person the momentum for success. Let's include our adopted children into our family histories and into our spiritual histories, and watch how God uses it to launch them into their destiny in Him!

What are some ways your family has made the most of the holiday season? 

HILLIS CHRISTMAS HABITS

From Susan Hillis:

At our house we are beginning all the Hillis Christmas traditions, and I thought I would pass along a few in case there may be some of them you too would enjoy!  Let me start with a story.....

My new acquaintance asked in a rather flitty way, "So, how do you do Christmas at YOUR house with 12 people?  Is it just chaos on Christmas morning?"  I answer, "No, it's really NOT chaos.  We actually really enjoy the Christmas season at our house." She goes on to her next question, "Do you just have mountains of presents to open?"  And I answer, "No, we don't have mountains of presents;  each of us gives a few.  We actually put everybody's name into a basket twice, and then go around and draw names in early December.  Each of us makes two gifts for the two folks in the family whose names we draw.  Because we make our gifts, our time over the holidays is typically spent at home with each other, working together on our gifts instead of out at malls shopping.  A few of the more creative ones help the ones who struggle to come up with ideas.  Over the years we have had folks make toe rings, quilts, albums, creative board games, write and illustrate books, sweatshirts, jewelry, home made candy, paintings, sculpture, book shelves, ceramics.   And of course there is Ksusha - she picked Brian's name 3 years in a row and painted him the same piggy bank each year - just made it different colors.  I guess she thought accountants would like to safeguard their funds!

From the time Cristi was just a toddler, I began to look for ideas that would help the Christmas season be lived out, practically, as a time to celebrate Jesus' birth, rather than as a time marked by dread of the materialistic flavor that is so ubiquitous in America.  And I would say this--  the best habits we have adopted replace numbers with faces.  Rather than the numbers on a price tag or the number of gifts to buy, we try to focus on faces...that is, on loving God, loving people and loving each other.  Here are some habits we repeat, year after year, in those categories.

Loving God

- Jesse Tree - Making a simple felt Jesse tree (you can google it) involves purchasing felt for the wall hanging and 25 decorated felt ornaments, that each symbolize an important story in the gospel message, from Genesis to Revelation.  Everyone in the family can help make the tree and ornaments, which comes with scripture passages and short devotionals that can be read every night of advent.  The Jesse tree has become a family heirloom, as year after year, we reread the passages and take turns hanging the ornaments.  Of course there are discussions which can become heated arguments, about who gets to put up the beautiful white feathery dove that symbolizes the peace of the Holy Spirit.  And we get a chance to talk about how it is just these kind of fights that make us need the peace this dove symbolizes!

- Advent Wreath - We often have an advent wreath that we light each Sunday, with the 4 candles, symbolizing hope, love, joy, and peace, and the fifth one lit on 
Christmas day symbolizing Christ's birth.

- Christmas Books - Every year we buy a new Childrens' Book; some of our favorites are Alabaster's Song, The Crippled Lamb, The Candy Cane, Christmas in a Shoe Box, Little House on the Prairie Christmas, A Child's Christmas at St. Nicolas Circle. What are some that you have enjoyed? Would you share them in the comments so we can all benefit.

- Acting out the Luke 2 Christmas story from the Message - Kids love doing this on Christmas Day - in our house the most cherished role for some reason has always been...not Mary, not Joseph, not the angel, but...the donkey who gets to crawl in on all 4's, carting Mary on his or her back!  Towels with ties do great for the shepherds; bathrobes become the garb of Mary and Joseph, with a baby doll for baby Jesus.  And a few safety pins easily transform a white sheet into an angel's costume.  And Burger King crowns picked up earlier in the week do great for crowns for the 3 kings.

Loving People

- Visitors- We love the book, Christmas at St. Nicholas Circle, which reminds us all that the best part of Christmas is loving the least of these, who cannot necessarily reciprocate.  For a number of years now we tend to spread the word that the Hillis Home is open for visitors during the 2 to 3 weeks that school is out - and we tend to count the numbers of folks who come, with a little figure scribbled on the calender for each day we are out of school.  Many years we have smiled to see more than 100 visits during these few weeks!  We talk a lot about loving every one who comes through our door as a way to love the Lord - and read and discuss Matthew 25 about the sheep being those who loved well.

- The Gold Box - For many years, we have a large gift box wrapped in beautiful gold paper with a slit on the top.  We are to do small acts of unseen kindness and then write it on a note and put it in the box.  Anything from that Colossians 3 list of, 'clothe yourselves with kindness, humility, compassion, forgiveness, and patience' fits here.  We talk about how wonderful it is to do something that only Jesus sees.  It is His gift.  No one ever opens this box - we just keep it, adding to it year after year.

- Serving - Often at the end of the day on Christmas, we go downtown to help clean up from the Hosea Williams Feed the Homeless Feast that serves 10,000 folks every Christmas Day in Atlanta.  It is a joy, always, to feel that we did something practical to serve others....it always gives a chance to talk about this being a gift for Jesus that He loves!

Loving Each Other

- Gifts - So I started out sharing how we make gifts for each other.   On Christmas morning after we open stockings, have breakfast, read Luke 2 and thank God for His gift, Brian asks who wants to be the first to give the gifts they made.  And one by one we get to enjoy seeing the special treats that have typically have time as a bigger ingredient than money.  As the kids grow older and have jobs, some of them prefer to purchase gifts now, and some still make them. 

- Time - But mostly what we do is simply spent time together - whether its games outside, from soccer to baseball to Frisbee, or inside, like board games and puzzles.  The outings to Stone Mountain and Mount Arabia and ice skating also build fun memories!

- Music - We typically sing a carol or two every night, and on several occasions we have acted out the 12 days of Christmas, with each of donning a costume to match our day....obviously none of the boys wanted 'nine ladies dancing.'  But they all loved '6 geese a laying' as they pretended to run around laying eggs!  An old CD that may still be available somewhere has the song that our kids to this day remember best of all, and the words provide a fitting way to end this post:

I'M GONNA WRAP UP MYSELF FOR CHRISTMAS
AND TIE ME WITH A BIG RED BOW
THAT'S WHAT I'M GIVING TO JESUS, IT'S A PRESENT HE'LL LIKE I KNOW
MY MOMMY KEEPS TRYING TO TELL ME,
IT WON'T DO ANY GOOD TO PRIMP AND FUSS,
CAUSE JESUS DOESN'T LOOK AT THE WRAPPING
HE'S LOOKING FOR A HEART THAT TRUSTS!
I'VE TRIED TO THINK OF ALL KINDS OF PRESENTS,
THAT WOULD BE FIT TO GIVE TO A KING,
I THOUGHT REAL HARD AND THEN I DECIDED
THE PRESENT TO GOD'S BEST IS
.......ME!
I'M GONNA WRAP UP MYSELF FOR CHRISTMAS
AND TIE ME WITH A BIG RED BOW
THAT'S WHAT I'M GIVING TO JESUS, IT'S A PRESENT HE'LL LIKE, I KNOW

SO, I wish you each and every one a Merry Christmas!  If you have some beloved traditions to share feel free to post them here in a comment!

Blessings on you and yours!
Much Love,
Susan

THE STRENGTH OF TRADITIONS IN OUR FAMILIES

Sometimes Susan and I have to laugh and enjoy how God works with us at Hope at Home. We have often texted, or emailed or made a phone call and found that we have the same message or scripture to share, completely independent of each other. It's actually such fun for us-- knowing that we are hearing some of God's heart together. This week we both wrote articles for this blog on traditions, so you are getting a double whammy! It's especially funny to us this time because usually I am the one who loves to talk about the practical aspects of parenting, always intrigued with how the Truths we are learning look in "real life" at home, and Susan always says she's more of the big vision type, excited by the beauty and power of the Truth. Well, she felt quite impressed with herself this time because her post is full of practical ideas for creating Christmas traditions, and rightly so-- it's a wonderful article! And my approach is focused more on the overall benefits of traditions in your adoptive family. So here is part two on traditions:


Traditions and Unity

So, I am a big fan of traditions I have to say. In their place and for the right purpose traditions are a gift in any family. Those of us whose families are formed by adoption may find that the creation of traditions serve as an effective tool in building family unity. You may have found, like us, that adoption does not lend itself to unity, that family unity is something we parents must be intentional about. The very nature of adoption is to introduce someone from the outside into the life and heart of your family. In our post on Family Unity I gave the definition of unity: "oneness, especially of what is varied and diverse in its element or part." An adoptive family is nothing if not diverse! We have found that creating family traditions has significantly helped us to be ONE family in the midst of much diversity. There is something about family traditions that fosters a sense of unity, peace joy, fellowship....


Creating Traditions

Unlike routines, which are merely every day activities that require no special behavior and usually do not produce good feelings, traditions are "practices that create positive feelings and are repeated at regular intervals."  We think of traditions as being handed down from one generation to another, but you can create your own traditions to meet the needs of your adoptive family. I loved the ideas that Susan shared in her post on Christmas Traditions. For many of us these wonderful Christmas activities will be new, but traditions have to start somewhere! The first few Christmases after our adoptions we attended a Russian Christmas celebration, filled with Russian music, dance and food. It was an effort on our part to make our children feel valued and to give them something familiar and comforting. It ended up not becoming a tradition for us because it didn't seem to mean much to our children, but I do encourage you to think outside your family traditions to find activities that will be congruent with your family. I'll share one other Christmas idea with you. Because we have seven children and we were trying to avoid having 42 presents under the tree (representing only the ones each child would buy for his/her 6 siblings!) it has become a tradition with us that each child give all the money he or she would have spent on gifts for their siblings to buy a gift(s) for someone in need. Over the years we have given anonymously to families struggling at our church, to homeless children at a ministry in our city, and to unwed mothers. I know that sounds very impressive so I feel I must tell you that we still have plenty of presents under our tree, and most of them are store bought! But we have found that this tradition of giving to someone in need is a wonderful way for our family to live out who we are as worshipers of Jesus. 


The Gift of Heritage

Along with creating new traditions, I encourage you to embrace ones that you grew up with and value. It is a wonderful gift to your children, especially your adopted children, to be warmly gathered into the heritage of your family, the traditions you grew up with. It creates in them a sense of belonging and history. It is a sad reality for our precious adopted children, to one extent or another, to have missing or fragmented histories. When we maintain traditions it fills in the sometimes gaping emotional holes that their missing stories have left. Take the time to tell your stories of growing up, of the things you used to do each year, and then do it again with your children! Both Stephen and I grew up in a liturgical church and we continue to enjoy observing Advent (the four weeks leading up to Christmas) with our children. It has been an effective way for us to celebrate Jesus in December rather than celebrate presents and Santa Claus. Our best family devotionals have been during these nightly readings, lighting the candles in our advent wreath, and sharing the amazing story of redemption.   

We have been surprised over the years at how protective our children are over our traditions. Sometimes we go to make a change, not actually realizing that something like where we place our Christmas Tree has become a tradition, and find out we are practically flirting with the unpardonable sin! Just two years ago I tried to place the Christmas tree in a different corner of the room and I wish you could have heard the uproar. Fascinatingly, it is our adopted children who often feel the most passionate about our traditions. They have an amazing memory about whose turn it is to put the star on top of our tree each year! I have come to realize that by giving them the gift of traditions we are creating a sense of security and belonging that goes beyond the counting of its value.

Stephen and I just spent an evening with another adoptive family who came to Hope at Home 2011, talking and praying for each other. They were sharing that every Christmas Eve their family shares communion. I just loved that. Stephen and I decided that this year we will do the same-- looks like a new tradition may be born for us Templetons! 


I heard Bill Johnson once say that having a history gives a person the momentum for success. Let's include our adopted children into our family histories and into our spiritual histories, and watch how God uses it to launch them into their destiny in Him! 

CHRIST IN CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS

FROM SUSAN HILLIS:

"Now may the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ" has been my prayer this week for myself and my children, and it is now my prayer for you....may the Lord use these ideas to direct your children's hearts to the Love of God!!!!!

Living as we do in a culture steeped in materialism -- the longing for and love of things -- I have spent many Decembers thinking about how to help the focus of our home be on the gifts Christ gives more than the gifts you get, and the gifts Christ wants more than the gifts you want, and the gifts you give more than the gifts you receive.  Mostly I have just kept open eyes and open ears, and copied great ideas from others, which I will pass along now to you. 

The Gifts Christ Gives 

The gifts Christ gives to us are so many -- forgiveness, acceptance, identify, hope, purpose, belonging, beauty.  One simple tradition we have been doing for many many years is making and using  a Jesse tree.  It is a simple felt wall hanging with velcro ornaments that I made with our kids.  It looks like this.

Jesse Tree. Every night we read or paraphrase the summary (when they are younger), or read the Scriptures, and let one of the kids place the velcro symbol for that reading on the tree.  The kids have their 'special' symbols now which they often beg to be 'mine' to put on!  It may be the angel they made, or the 10 commandments, or the dove with the lop-sided eye, or the apple that they always place in  exactly the same spot each year -- until the brother walks into the room the next day and tricks them by moving it!  Then I get to arbitrate a disagreement!  All in all, this daily tradition in December helps weave the truths of the gospel, from creation in Genesis, through the hope of the resurrection, in our hearts.  It is a way for God's written word to be sown in our minds and hearts during this wonderful season of birthday celebration for our Lord!  Invariably there are nights we miss, and we just double up on those. (There are quite a few books available on Amazon that give the patterns and readings for your Jesse Tree. It is a fun project to do with other families in your church!)

Advent Wreath. We also have an advent wreath that we light each Sunday of December during either lunch or dinner, and we discuss the symbolism in the wreath.

Christmas music and stories and ornaments: We like to use these a lot!  I typically buy one new Christmas album and one new kids' Christmas book every year.  We often make ornaments together at home and talk about meaning...one year Jonny made a pig out of styrofoam balls, pipe cleaners, and sequins. We talked about God's creation - and the pig looked soooo funny that it became a favorite over the years.

Act It Out. Every year we get up, have breakfast and open stockings, read the Christmas story from Luke 2, pray, and then begin to share gifts. Usually at some point during the day, we act out the Christmas story reading from a simple version of Luke 2....kids always enjoy acting out stories....we have some funny family memories of "the year Cristi was the donkey, Anya was Mary, and Anya fell off." 

The Gifts Christ Wants

Gifts for the Least. We have talked a lot over the years with our kids about the gifts Christ wants.  Matthew 25 is a great passage for this: "I was hungry and you gave me food;  I was thirsty and you gave me drink;  I was a stranger and you welcomed me; I was naked and you clothed me; I was sick and you visited me; I was in prison and you came to me."  We know the rest - when we give these gifts to the least, we give them to Him.  At times we get up early and make biscuits with friends and take them down to homeless folks early on Sunday morning.  Other times in the afternoon we go down and help with Hosea Williams 'feed the homeless' meal in Atlanta.  One year we went over and carolled for an older woman who was a shut-in.

Gifts of Kindness and Service. We also talk about the fact that Jesus loves it when we give to Him in secret. (Don't let your right hand know what your left is doing.) Some years we decorate a gold box and put a slit in the top. We encourage everyone in the family to look for ways they give to the Lord when others are not looking....maybe make your brother's bed or do his chores; maybe give a compliment to someone looking sad and then write this down on a slip of paper, unsigned, and put in in Jesus' gift box. At times we read them later in the month and at times we just leave them secret.

The Gifts You Give

I always disliked the typical talk between kids at school that goes like this. "So, what do you want for Christmas?" or "What are you gonna get for Christmas?" Then the answer, "Well, I am gonna get a computer." In our family of 12, folks don't get computers for Christmas! Also,this focus flies in the face of Jesus' words that "it is more blessed to give than to receive." While I wish I could say, "All of my kids were content simply focusing on giving and not receiving," that is not the case.  The creepy creeping materialism often made them feel pressured, different, since that is not our family focus. But we were able to come up with an answer that helped A LOT!  We decided, together, that we could say something like this, "In our family we get big presents on our birthday, since that day is about us....but on Christmas we focus more on giving, since that day is about Jesus' birthday." 

Gifts We Make.  A number of folks have asked me, when they learn when have a family of 12, "What is Christmas like?...Is it just out of control?"  I feel sad when I hear it, as we have so lost sight of the One who we are celebrating.  I usually say, "No, Christmas is really a fun time in our family. We approach Christmas like this.  Each of us draws 2 names out of a hat, and then makes a gift for that person."  Here is an example of gifts kids made for each other last year...the hand tied UGA blanket, the sweat pants with "ACC" on them, standing for Atlanta Christian College. We have many examples....home made jewelry, funny videos, picture albums, poems, stories, golfballs painted to make them personalized, paintings, knitted scarfs, home made peanut brittle or candy.

The impact of focusing on making gifts is that we spend lots of times at home together working with our hands for each other, rather than out at malls walking aisles.  Over recent years some of the non-artistic kids have begged to buy their gift and we have agreed to that, since they do seem spent on ideas after many years of doing this...the focus, though, still is more on the gift we give over the gift we want.  It carries over into Christmas morning like this.  From youngest to oldest, or vice versa, we start by finding a wrapped gift we made and taking it over to the family member we made it for. So even then, we are looking for what we will give.


May your family enjoy many gifts in this next month--gifts that bring joy in the giving and in the receiving!