IN THE SUNSHINE AND IN THE STORM

From Susan:

I have lived in both of these places:

Sunshine Circle and Thunderbolt Alley!  

What about you? Where are you living right now? I am here to say that no matter where you are living today, 

in the sunshine

in the storm

or somewhere between, 

Jesus is there walking right beside you, ready to enter your experience. Here's a true story about what happened to me just one week ago!

When Thunderbolt Alley becomes Sunshine Circle

The family of 5 who were standing in front of me at the taxi stand at 11 PM Friday night at the Atlanta Airport looked confused. I saw the kind-faced mom and dad standing with 2 sons who looked about 11 and 12, and a cute little 4 year old Chinese daughter. I overheard the dad asking the dispatcher, "Can you tell us how far Fairburn (a distant suburb) is and how much it costs to get there?"  
After hearing the high cost, they stepped back, looking as though they were wondering what to do. The dad says to the mom, "Well, Delta didn't give us an vouchers for taxi fare; I'm not sure we should go all the way out there to the hotel."  
Bad weather in multiple cities had stranded them and countless others for the night who had missed their connecting flights out of Atlanta. 

Now, I am not nosey; there are just lots of things God wants me to know about! So I asked, "Excuse me, you don't know me, but I promise you I am a safe stranger. My husband and I have 10 kids, 8 adopted, and I work for the government. I am wondering where you are trying to go and if there is some way I could help you." 

The dad says, "Well, we missed our connection and Delta didn't give us enough to cover the cab fare, so we don't quite know what to do for the night. Our connection to Talahassess leaves tomorrow morning." 

"Well, I have an idea," I say. "My husband and most of our kids are out of town, so why don't you just come sleep at our house and I will take you back to the airport tomorrow morning." The mom and dad exchange a surprised glance.  "If you want to have a few minutes of privacy to talk about it, that's fine; I'll wait." They both say, "No, we don't need to talk about it--that would be GREAT!"  

So we all climb in the car and they begin to share their story.  "We have been up nearly 36 hours, travelling back from China with our little girl who we just adopted." I tried to speak to the little girl, EmmaLin, who did not reply, and the mom explained, "she can't hear."  As we talked more it became clear they were believers and saw the hand of God in their struggle to be home at last, after the long two week trip.  (If you want to see her beautiful picture and read their version of the story, look here.

As we were riding back in that taxi I remembered the times our church had prayed, "Lord, please place at least one believer in the life of every orphan in the world." I could only pray in my heart, "Thank you, Lord. You have done it again, and you have let me see it!"  

As I was riding in the Yellow Cab with this little girl who couldn't hear, my mind flashed back to the time I couldn't see. It was 2005 right after Hurricane Katrina, and I suddenly lost 25% of my vision. I was blind in the entire bottom half of my left eye. Reflecting on the multiple times God wants to get folks' attention when blindness occurs in the Scriptures, I prayed, "Lord, I am wondering if there is something you want to show me through this blindness." As I stood quietly, the thought that came very clearly into my mind was this:

About 75% of your life I would say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." But I would also say there is 25% of my call on your life that you are blind to. I am not calling you to love only the orphans you have adopted, or the ones in your church, or the ones your friends have adopted, or the ones in Russia, but to all the orphans of the world.  

{I once was blind but now I see!} 

In that taxi on that Friday night, I felt so full of thanks to the Lord for letting me participate in a small way in His plan to love that little Chinese treasure. I glance back and see EmmaLin lift her mom's left arm from the seat to place it around her own waist, and lift her mom's right arm from the seat to place it around her own waist; I see that this sweet little one has already become confident that she has found love in the arms of her dear mama.

We find Love in the Father's Arms

The predictable pattern is that our heavenly Father wants to wrap His loving arms around us as our Good Shepherd in EVERY place. 

In Thunderbolt Alley when we are exhausted and needy and confused and broken, and bad weather has left us stranded.  

And in Sunshine Circle when the fellowship is wonderful, the relationships close, jobs exciting, provision abundant. 

And He is the supreme expert in climate change--in turning Thunderbolt Alley into Sunshine Circle. In rising above every storm to bring His sweet provision of calm. Recently I read twice in the gospel of Mark, the Father's words, "This is my beloved Son." The Father announces it from heaven's loud speakers right before Jesus enters the anguish in the long desert temptation, and He repeats the same words as Jesus shines on the mountaintop of transfiguration. 

In the desert and on the mountain, we find love in the Father's arms and words.  

We are the Beloved, created to Be-Loved. 

This story was originally posted in August 2012.

FOREVER FAMILY

When we read this post from our friend Kate at One Flesh Marriage we asked if we could share it here. She and her husband, Brad, will be at Hope at Home 2012 sharing on marriage and transracial adoption. Can't wait!!

Today we want to share a little different side of our story! The story of a journey. A journey to find our son!

1 year of waiting, and 16-hours of traveling, and 1/2 way around the world on a plane . . . we were finally here at the start of our Forever Family!

We enter the locked, guarded compound and our eyes were immediately drawn to a group of precious children playing in a circle with a ball. 

Was he there? Would we see him for the first time? 

It was incredibly over stimulating and made me light-headed. Brad and I looked, hand in hand, searching--and yet no one quite looked like him. Then a nanny called to us and said “Come, your son is inside.”

My heart sped up, tears pooled in my eyes; he was close and we were going to get to see him. Would he be shy? Happy? Or completely confused and upset at these new people wanting to hold and love on him? We were ready to give him the time he needed to warm up to us. His Daddy had a pocket full of race cars for that purpose. What little boy doesn’t love cars?

We followed the nanny down a dark hallway leading to a bunch of rooms lined with bunk beds. The next thing we heard was the nanny saying,

 “This is your Mommy and Daddy!” 

Around the corner bounded a huge pair of brown eyes and the most brilliant smile--belonging to our son!  He leapt from the nanny’s arms into mine, shouting “MOMMY!” and embracing me with all this tiny might! Not all first meetings are this way, but for us this is how it happened and it will forever be a treasured memory.

Words cannot express that moment. Even now as I sit here sharing with you all, tears are running down my face. It was just like the first moment we held our biological son and daughter in our arms. This little boy was our son. He is also the son of a beautiful family in Ethiopia. We don’t take that lightly. We are proud to share this little boy with his biological family. They are a part of our family as well. We have been given this time with our son as a precious gift.

The Real Journey Begins

As we left this beautiful land and embarked on our journey home we knew we would face tough times, but we were overjoyed and on cloud nine. Not long after arriving home and uniting all of our family, difficult times came. Unique challenges of introducing a new member into the family who already has a personality, but doesn't speak a word of English. Not unlike the first night a newborn screams ALL night long, we recognized that as parents we don’t always know what to do. Even with all the books, education and training, we didn't know how to handle these challenges. There has been an immeasurable joy, but also great confusion and frustration.

Many times families going through the journey of adoption feel lost. They don't know where to turn, where to go for help or guidance!

What If...

What if there was an adoption conference that sought to share wisdom and experiences with adoptive parents? But what if it didn’t stop there? What if the conference also took time for parents to seek out the Holy Spirit so that He can lead them in their journey? What if there was a place that parents still waiting for children or who already have them home could come together to seek God's will for their families?

Hope at Home 2012 is just that place! An adoption conference where parents can not only find information, but find comfort in time with the Holy Spirit, learning to seek God in new ways as they lay their burdens and troubles on Him, and find His abundant guidance as they make this journey together.

Hope At Home

Good information as well as seeking the Holy Spirit? I don’t know about you, but that sounds awesome to me! Brad and I are so excited to share with you the Hope at Home Conference 2012. We were excited to be attending this conference, and thrilled that they asked us to present two of the break-out sessions. 

We are honored to be presenting session on marriage. Adoption Through the Eyes of Marriage, and one on transracial adoption, The Joys of Godly Diversity. Good friends, Scott and Jenni Means from Journey to Surrender ,will be presenting A Marriage Made in Heaven and Helping Your Child Hear and Experience God. These are just 4 of the many awesome seminars planned for October 5th & 6th, 2012. To read more of the details, including the other breakout topics and speakers, click HERE.

God Has A Plan!

God has a plan and a purpose for our time with our kids. We need to remember that God has given us all we need for parenting in His Word and His Spirit! We only need to ask and draw near to Him. Is it always that easy? Well it certainly is the best place to start. Books, experts--we often try them first and then go to God only in desperation. Seeking Him is the place to start!

Children, adopted or biological, are a gift and a product of our marriage relationship. They are to add to it (yes, they add stress too!) and then we allow and encourage them to take flight on their own, pursuing God with all of their hearts. Children are not our hope in life, no matter how much we desire them--God is our hope. Brad and I have learned some of these lessons the hard way. That is why we are so thankful for God’s renewing our hearts.

Join Us!

Watch the conference video below and if you are an adoptive or waiting parent, please consider joining us. I am excited to see what God has in store. When we draw near to God, he draws near to us. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask.

Spread The Word

Would you help us spread the word about Hope at Home 2012 by sharing on your Facebook page, Twitter, email and word of mouth? If you know adoptive parents, please share with them.

A PREGNANCY OF THE HEART

Nicol has been in love with Jesus Christ for 31 years, and married to her best friend and love of her life Thomas Crickett for 8 glorious years that haven’t come without their trials and hardships. A mother for 5 years to the best two children in the whole world, Nicol, has experienced the great lows of infertility, financial ruin, death of parents, her husband going through heart failure resulting in receiving a pace maker, to awesome highs, the highest of which is the adoption of her two children. She is blessed to have a family full of color and difference. To date they have adopted two children from South Africa, Noa-Joy their daughter who is African and is six years old, and their son Elijah who is 3 years old and is of mixed race, with many more still in their hearts.

With the sense of wonder of what finding your purpose can do for you, she moved with her family from South Africa to the UK in 2010 where they hold creative workshops and are in the process of starting a church and a creative college to help people find their purpose so they to can set the world on fire.

“ Not flesh of my flesh or bone of my bone,

But still miraculously my own.

Never forget not for a minute it was not under my

Heart you grew but in it.”

Before we adopted I can remember the struggles of longing for a child of my own, not understanding how I was going to get through all of this and feeling so desperate. I began to search for answers from My God who I love and depend on for everything. It was out of this that He answered me with the scripture from Isaiah 58 – I was to become a repairer of broken walls. I felt like my oversized heart had found what it was made for and I was filled with joy. From this scripture our process of adoption began. It was not an easy road we traveled; it was filled with a lot of uncertainty and fear of the unknown. Hence more searching continued with God and His wonderful scriptures and it is what led me  to where I am today. It gave me strength to carry on, the hope to know that God was in control when I was not. But the most important answer I received was that I was a partner in this process-- I held a vital role. I was not waiting to be a mother. No, I was a mother already and I had things to do. He turned my mourning into joy and my prayer is that you too can be encouraged and strengthened in your journey with God and your process of adoption.

I found that in the Bible, the heart is the center of man, wherein is found his fullest being. It is in the heart that all our thoughts and desires have their origin. When God speaks to us, He speaks to our hearts. It is in this place where God whispers "Adoption"; it is here where God in His infinite wisdom plants the seed and here where we must nurture the seed until fruition.

No Ordinary Love:

This is no ordinary love which we had embarked upon. It is a wonderful blessing straight from heaven and it is heaven who guided us through the how and when, with its' full protection. 

This extraordinary love is a pregnancy of the heart, where you choose to partner with Heaven, uniting your heart with the heart of Jesus. For the heart of the Father is that all may know the love of God, and to know Him as father. It is in the heart of God to adopt-- we know this because He firsts adopts us and then He asks us to become just like Him, to love our neighbor as ourselves. He asked me to love His child, one He chose to give me as my very own.

Conception Took Place in Our Hearts:

Since we now knew that conception had taken place in our hearts when we chose to adopt we could only think of our process to adopt from now on as a heart pregnancy between our heavenly father and us. 

Tears fill my eyes every time I think upon these heavenly thoughts. I am always overwhelmed by the awesome love of my Father for me. I am overwhelmed by His choice of me to mother these heaven-sent children. Where the world says I cannot be a mother, my God says I can.  I am overwhelmed by the grace of God who equips me to lead this wonderfully privileged life and I am filled with His glory as my heart swells with His goodness in my life. I glow, for my heart is pregnant.

It is no wonder that God is deeply concerned with our Hearts for out of it overflows life.

Partnership Begins:

One of the most wonderful things I found out while searching for answers for adoption was that this all-powerful, all-knowing King-of-all-Kings God chooses to partner with me in every detail of my life! He is intimately concerned with all my wants and needs, and having a child is no exception. I learnt that in this partnership, as with any other, there are things I need to do and there are things He must do. I found out that it was not my job to worry about if He had done His things. No, it was my job to do all that was asked of me and my most important part to play in this partnership was to choose to trust in Him and His ways. To trust that in His time He would finish the work He started when He whispered adoption into my heart.

This was a wonderful truth for me to grasp-- that my heart was in partnership with God and it was the place where my child would be held. I was not alone. From a place of feeling completely out of control I suddenly became a doing partner. I felt free and equipped to start my journey as a mother, who now has had two successful heart pregnancies.

Proverbs 4:23

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

Interior Design:

I knew that with my heart at the center of this decision to adopt, I needed to guard my heart for out of it new life was coming. I could not afford to have certain hurts or offenses inside my heart any longer. The scriptures say in Proverbs 14:30, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." I knew that this was how God chose to give me my baby-- I had settled on that. So I no longer needed to be envious of how other people received theirs. I knew I wanted peace to rule my heart and my baby’s new home. So I chose the shade of peace to color the walls and fill the room and threw out envy. It was so last season and it would not do anymore! I kept telling myself my heart was getting ready for a new arrival. It was okay to feel uncomfortable and scared of the unknown, even a little emotional at times. But I kept encouraging myself to push forward and fill my heart with good things for myself and my child who was growing inside of my heart. For the scriptures say in Luke 6:45

"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart." 

Thinking of my heart as a place I was housing my child gave me power to choose what it was going to look like.

I could choose empty battered and bruised OR I could partner with my heavenly father who is Unconditional Love and allow Him to fill my heart with shades of love, peace and joy.

For me this was a better look. I chose the heart filled with love, peace and joy and over time, along with the faithfulness of God, I allowed Him to heal my heart. It started looking and feeling more like a place I was proud for my child to grow in. 

SHAMELESS PERSISTENCE

Would you like to hear some of the wonderful sessions from our HOPE AT HOME 2011 Conference? Click HERE to listen. We will be posting more of the breakout sessions later in the month. 

We are pleased to share some thoughts from Tara Dunn, who along with her husband attended HOPE AT HOME 2011. Tara is an associate director at the University of Georgia Wesley Foundation.  She and her husband, John, have a son, Jace Kenesa, who is currently in Ethiopia. They are praying for the clearance needed to bring him home very soon! To watch this beautiful story of bringing a son home follow them on their blog.


Never with Passivity

There is a phrase we often use in the church when we pray that I have come to cringe when I hear: “…if it’s Your will, Lord.” Now I know what you’re thinking: “What’s wrong with that?! Shouldn’t we pray with humility and desire God’s will alone?” And the answer is yes. When Jesus taught His disciples to pray, He taught them to ask for the Father’s will to be done, on earth as it is in heaven. And yet, Jesus never taught His disciples—or us—to pray with passivity and a lack of faith; sadly, this is so often what this phrase becomes an expression of instead of a genuine longing for God’s will. There is always a delicate balance in surrendering our will and praying with great faith and boldness. Throughout our adoption journey, I have often struggled to find that balance. I long to trust His timing and believe that He is fighting for us more than we could ask or imagine, but I so often use this truth as an excuse to pray wimpy prayers when I know God is calling me to move mountains. 

Shameless Audacity

The Lord really shook me awake to this truth when I attended an adoption conference last month called Hope at Home. My husband and I had been expecting to pass court that week (meaning that our son would officially become a Dunn), but we were informed the day before the conference that the judge was traveling and would not be returning for three more weeks. Our hearts were completely crushed; we had already been waiting nearly two months for the judge to return. During the conference, one of the speakers, Greg Haswell, spoke from Luke 11 and encouraged us all to pray with “shameless audacity” for our children:

…teaching [his disciples] more about prayer, he used this story: ‘Suppose you went to a friend’s house at midnight, wanting to borrow three loaves of bread. You say to him, “A friend of mine has just arrived for a visit, and I have nothing for him to eat.” And suppose he calls out from his bedroom, “Don’t bother me. The door is locked for the night, and my family and I are all in bed. I can’t help you.” But I tell you this—though he won’t do it for friendship’s sake, if you keep knocking long enough, he will get up and give you whatever you need because of your shameless persistence. And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." (Luke 11:5-9)

Throughout the entire sermon, the Lord was saying to me, “Wake up! Ask Me
boldly for things, and I will do more than you could ask or imagine!”

A Fire in Our Prayers

We had been praying for nearly two months for the judge’s return, but God used that conference to ignite a fire in our prayers. We prayed with shameless persistence, and sure enough, the judge returned just four days later and signed our adoption decree. So do I place my faith in the outcome? Absolutely not. My faith rests in the person of Jesus. But I know that my son coming home (and healing, wholeness, forgiveness, salvation, breakthrough) are His will and that I can pray with shameless audacity by His grace. Thank You, Lord!

WHAT ABOUT THE ONES WHO DIDN'T GET ADOPTED?

Two more weeks to register for HOPE AT HOME 2011 at the Early Bird Price! Come enjoy the encouragement and refreshing you need to parent your adoptive/foster family. Get help in how to address the tough questions your children ask about their past, how to help your child hear from God, raising children with special needs, being a single adoptive mother, fathering your adopted child, and more. 


"Susan (Hillis) and I are heading to a town on the border of Finland called Vyborg. But to tell you the truth, I just wish I could come home," I say to my husband Stephen over the long distance phone line. My first trip to Russia had overwhelmed me in every way and what I wanted most after being exposed for the first time to the little faces that represented such great need, individually and globally, was to be back home with my three girls and husband. "There are two children there that the Director of Education wants us to meet." And so begins a wonderful story of God at work in the lives of ordinary people. You may have read some of this story from the perspective of our children. You can do that by reading "Adopted Children's Perspectives" and "Biological Children's Perspectives." But as with all good stories, there is was more going on beneath the surface!


We thought I had travelled to Russia with my dear friend Susan Hillis so that we could discern God's will for us in adoption. We knew He had called us at that point, but we were unsure how to proceed-- we recently had almost adopted a brother and sister who at the last minute had been removed from the orphanage. As is always the case with our amazing God, His plans were far greater than what we understood. Yet when Susan and I travelled to Vyborg, I ended up meeting Kristina and Pasha, who not long after became Templetons. As soon as it became clear that we would adopt from the orphanage just outside Vyborg, Stephen immediately typed in the words, "Vyborg, Christian" in his computer search engine (these were pre google days!) and up came "Vyborg Christian Center." He decided then to go ahead and contact these people, just to see where it would lead. Here is the email:

We got an immediate response from a wonderful woman who has since become as family to us. I asked Judy to share:
Hello. My name is Judy Grout.  My husband , Richard and I have been working in Vyborg, Russia, for a eighteen years.  He is director of the Vyborg Christian Center, an interdenominational Christian organization which serves in several different areas--evangelism, Bible and literature distribution, and help for the needy.

We first became acquainted with the State Orphanage in Vyborg when we went to the director and asked if we could teach a Bible class in the orphanage, as we had done in other institutions. She firmly gave us a negative answer, saying that it was against the Russian law.  But a few months later we received an email from the Templetons, saying that they were planning to adopt  from this orphanage and asking if we could visit their children .  This opened a door for us to have a ministry there.  I began teaching English classes to prepare these children for adoption.  Others in the orphanage attended these classes and others were also adopted.  Then the Lord provided (through a local  factory owner) a meeting room near the orphanage where we could have Bible classes which the director allowed the children to attend.

Eleven children from this orphanage have been adopted by Christian families in America, and we have met all these families before or at the time of the adoption. We feel that it has been a great privilege to minister to these children even before they met their new families. These Christian families have also had a profound influence on the director of the State children’s home, who in her last years there as director became very appreciative of the work we were doing with the children in our Bible classes.  The songs they sang about God touched her heart.

One of the families from Atlanta to travel
to Vyborg and adopt

Judy and Richard visiting two of the children
adopted by a family in Orlando

As Susan and I drove away from the orphanage, I was filled with mixed emotions. On one hand I felt incredible joy at having met these two amazing children who I felt God calling us to adopt - I had met my son and daughter. Yet as I looked out the back window, I saw a line of other children standing at the orphanage gates, waving forlornly as we pulled away. I couldn't help wonder what would happen to them, whether they would find loving families or end up on the streets after their time in the orphanage was up. A heavy weight filled my heart as I realized I couldn't adopt all of them, couldn't give all of them the love and care that they deserved. But the beautiful thing is that God can, and has.


We feel God has given us a great privilege to see some of His "behind the scenes of adoption" work through our friendship with the Grouts. Judy and Richard not only became a connector for the children who were being adopted, they also developed a truly amazing and fruitful ministry to the ones who did not get adopted. Judy shares,


All  of the children had friends who were never adopted, and we tried to continue to be friends with them even after they left the orphanage. Many continue coming to visit us, we try to celebrate their birthdays, and we have even helped some to get started in local colleges.  Several years ago we started a “homecoming dinner” on Friday evenings for these youth who had no home to go to.  This has evolved into a youth meeting that includes many  others now, but there are usually some orphans present.  These children have become like our extended family and we hope to be here for them as a witness to the power of God to guide their lives so that their children will never need to live in an orphanage.


Many of you may be aware that the statistics on children who age-out of the orphanages are very bad. Most end up on the streets, in jail, addicted to drugs, or dead. Because of the prayers and ministry through Judy, a ministry primarily of love and relationship, the young people who were in our children's groups have completely flipped those statistics around. 

Just a few months ago we travelled back to Vyborg and attended one of Judy's parties. It was very moving to see a room literally filled with young people who have moved away from the orphanage, but who were living relatively good lives. Some of them are married, quite a few have children of their own already. Our daughter Kristina's best friend, Natasha (in the photo below on the right) has a baby out of wedlock. But this baby is a son in his mother's arms. He is not in an orphanage. Judy, along with others, is helping Natasha learn how to be the mommy she never had. One of the girls, has taken art classes and works in a store. Another young man, Sasha, is working as a mechanic. And Ruslan, who was in the first English class Judy taught in the orphanage is living in Sweden with a family and studying to be a nurse. 

Our Kristina (center) with two of her friends from the orphanage on a visit in 2009

Richard takes Ruslan to the ferry that will take him to
Sweden where he begins his studies

Julia and Lena with their 2 year olds

It is clear to me that this is the case because they are shown on-going love and have true relationship with this woman of God. She knows their names. She knows their birthdays. She knows who they are. And they know they are known. They know they are prayed for. They know they are loved. Sadly, this love has not come to them through adoption into a family, but look what the Lord has done!

April, 2011 at the Vyborg Christian Center
Kalinina Reunion Party

Many of these children have received letters from pen pals that Judy has given them. All have been prayed for by name over the years. Many have become Christians. She has photo albums with pictures of them through the years. Sitting at that table, I was so struck by the life-giving ministry of someone like Judy who did not adopt, but who visited, loved and KNEW these children. This is a powerful work. All of us who have stood outside of an orphanage or courtroom, arms wide open to receive our children, know the cutting grief and sadness from leaving so many behind. 

Lana Grace, Ksusha and Alex Hillis running from the orphanage
into the arms of their parents

Many times children stand at the gates as their friends drive
away to homes they can only dream of

With one email, a door that was shut tight swung open wide. A Soviet-style director went from the forbidding of Christian ministry to the open encouragement of Bible clubs, children's art programs, church attendance, and permission to spend the night with Christian families. God's hands are never tied, and our prayers are effective, changing lives for eternity. We never know what beautiful layers of God's purposes lie beneath the surface of our obedient responses to His voice. I encourage us today to pray for the children left behind, the ones who didn't get adopted. Pray in faith. Call forth people like Judy and Richard Grout. Support those whose ministry is to the orphan. And believe for the statistics to be reversed!

EMMANUEL-- GOD WITH ME

We are pleased to hear from our friend Jessica. She has 2 kids 5 and under who spend their days dressing up animals, throwing dance parties, and building caves. My (very good looking) husband keeps me grounded and present while I rearrange the house multiple times a year. I spend the majority of my days running Noonday Collection, a business born out of this adoption process that creates sustainable income opportunities for vulnerable populations and hopefully prevents some of the root causes of the orphan crisis. Through Noonday Collection, I get to help women feel beautiful every day and enable families to raise some money for their adoption process. It is a dream so amazing I could have never thought it up myself.

"You are NOT allowed to take him"

One year ago, I found my then 2-year-old son floating face down in the middle of a large swimming pool. I scooped up his lifeless body. His face was blue, lips purple, and there were no signs of breathing. He was dead. As I began CPR on him, I just kept yelling out, “In the name of Jesus, in the name of Jesus,” while inside crying out “You are not allowed to take him."  After a few minutes, he began to cough and was back to his normal joyful self within the hour.

I had thought about that moment so often: Would I turn from Jesus or to Him in the face of a severe tragedy?  I experienced both on that hot summer day. On one hand, crying out to the only One who could save Him while also withholding my heart from the only One who could take him.

"I Can Rescue Your Next Son."

One month later, we were in the very final stages of finishing our dossier to adopt a child from Rwanda. We received a phone call from our power of attorney saying Rwanda was closing its doors to any new dossiers within 24  hours. The likelihood of us being able to get all the final signatures, fly to Washington DC to get the documents authenticated, and then finally submitted to the Rwandan embassy seemed impossible. But I heard that still, small voice say, “I rescued your first son and I can rescue your next son.”

Every Step of the Way, There was God!

Jessica at the Rwandan Embassy

Within a few hours, I was on a plane to Washington DC where an old friend from my Food for the Hungry days picked me up at 12am. She lived 10 minutes from the airport. The next morning on the subway, a girl standing next to me heard me saying, “I am nervous because I don’t know where this place is.” 
“Excuse me,” she said, “I work there and can walk you to the office.” 
Every step of the way, there was God; with me and for me.

I spent some time after these two “close calls” praying and asking God to show me Himself in those times. I learned that God’s faithfulness to me is not dependent upon my emotional response to Him. Anger,threats, even turning away from Him does not turn Him away from me. He has promised to be with me always. Emmanuel. That revelation has enabled a new grace to steer my faith and triumph over my fears.

I Rest in His Word

There have been times during this wait when I cry myself to sleep because I long to feel his head against mine. There have been times when I felt jealous that other parents seemed to get their kids before us. And there have been many times where I wondered if it would actually happen at all. All of these experiences lead me to exercise faith like never before. I always go back to the last place that God spoke and rest in His word. If you are also a waiting parent, I hope these words from Exodus encourage you like they have me during these last 2 years, 

“The Lord will fight for you. You need only be still.” (Exodus 14:14) 

Rest in Him while he fights for your child. 

In a couple of months, we will fly to Rwanda to meet our son. A 2 year old who has only known the walls of an orphanage. God’s promise of being with me through this new parenting process is what now guides my hope.


"Teaching them to observe everything that I have commanded you, and behold, I am with you all the days (perpetually, uniformly, and on every occasion) to the very close and consummation of the age. Amen (so let it be.)"

You can follow Jessica's journey, among other things, here. 

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