AN ADOPTIVE MOTHER'S THOUGHTS ON HER CHILD'S STORY

FROM BETH:

I realize now that when we first brought our children home I had an undefined but deeply felt and well-meant desire. However, I have also realized that my desire was not exactly what God had in mind. Let me explain. I wanted our adopted children be so loved, so secure, so encompassed in the life and culture of our family and our story, that they would come to a point where they never felt different or separate from us. I didn't want them to feel like they didn't fit in or that they were somehow "other." I wanted the sadness and torment of their story to be absorbed in the love of our story. I wanted the pain of their pasts to be erased by the power of healing love. 

But trying to lose the one story in the beauty of the other creates an invisible barrier that works to separate, which is the complete opposite of what I desired! It wars against the spirit of adoption which does not erase any of our pasts, but rather uses the past as part of the redemptive story of love. And that redemption my friends is the freedom that propels us all into our destinies! 

As our children have grown up (they are now 21, 21, 23, 24, 25, 25, 27. 3 by birth, 4 by adoption) I have realized that God has not asked me to be an author/writer of my children’s stories. He doesn’t require me to heal or cover up or redeem their stories—that was His to do! 

His plan for me, and for them, is so much better! 

So, what is my role then? I have asked this question countless times over the past 16 years of adoptive parenting. 

And I have discovered that He has given me the a different role, one that invites me to fully embrace my child as I co-labor with Him in the transformation of an orphan into a true son or daughter. That is the story of adoption, both theirs and mine. 

So, I have been learning to be:

• A Caretaker

I have the privilege of caring for and nurturing their story. As a caretaker I cannot ignore or neglect my chid’s past. Rather, I get to discover, along with them, the nature of this unique garden that is their life, filled with plants both exotic and unfamiliar. I have the honor of helping them discover the beauty of it, and make sense of the unfamiliar and even the unknown. I have sensed the Lord telling me to embrace each child fully, including their pasts.

As my children have gone through the process of trying discover who they are, I realize that they are longing for me to see them. Really see them. See that they are, in fact, different from me. They are looking to me to see if I will approve, accept, and celebrate them as Russian, as members of a different culture and a different family. This has been tricky for me because there are parts of their stories by no fault of their own that are not honorable, not worthy of celebration—things like rejection, abuse, addiction, prostitution, murder, abandonment. But you know what I have discovered? There is always much to celebrate in each story. So I honor what is honorable. And I care for the details, the good, the bad and the ugly.

• A Curator  

I select the content to be presented at the appropriate time, and to the appropriate audience. We have been intentional to search out all the details that we could find, collecting anything about their story and their birth families, so that when the time came we would be able to help. Part of the role of a curator is fact-finding. To me it is an expression of love to be a keeper of this information. Interestingly, some of our children have wanted, even needed to know details, and some have not—at lest not yet. Depending on their age and their maturity, we release parts of the story we feel they are ready to see. This “time-release” issue is huge and I have found that prayer has been such a gift in discerning the right time to share. I have also discovered that simply asking my child if he/she wants to know more has been helpful. I may not be able to find out more, or I may discern that more information would best be kept for a later time, but even so by asking I am able to help my child recognize that there is a story that belongs to him/her and that I am here to help.

In the early years the telling is easier, as we withhold the uglier and more painful details of the story. But as our children grow older, their questions also mature. They will wonder about motives, about fault. They will go over their story with the inquisitive eyes, seeking to make sense of the facts they know, and to fill in the details they don’t know. And my role in this process is, in part, to gather information and then release it. 

• A Truth-Teller

For we wonder, wouldn’t it be nicer, kinder, more loving to keep the uglier parts of their story hidden? Our desire to protect is so strong. Isn’t that what good mamas do?  

Truth telling is scary I have found. What if the information is too much for him? What if she is not ready to receive it? What if they lash out in their pain?

I have learned that as much as I would like to cover over, sugar coat or lie about these things, there very well may be a time when my child needs to know the facts. And so often the facts, even the darkest and most appalling facts, are less frightening than the fear of the unknown and what-ifs that often manifest in what looks like anger, hatred, rebellion or opposition, but is in actual fact simply deep-rooted fear. 

In reality, I can't actually cover up what they already know in the depth of their souls. But I can speak words of life and sonship, hope and forgiveness, understanding and compassion, into those dark places. 

So I have learned not to try to fix it —or them, but rather just be a presence of love, life, and hope in the complexities of their story, always ready to lead them up and out into the beautiful open spaces of sonship, redemption and destiny in Jesus. 

I’ve learned not to let fear of the negatives that I know, or fear of all the frightening possibilities that I don’t know, intimidate me from this important role in my child’s life.

• A Story-Teller

Recently I heard someone give this excellent advice: Don’t get stuck in the subplots. 

As our adopted children take in, process, and make sense of the facts of their story, I get to be one who helps them shape the narrative. I have realized that although I am not the author of their story, God has given me the amazing opportunity to offer language and perspective that places my child’s story in the context of His story, the grand telling of a love so powerful that it redeems us all!  My words to and over my child help them interpret the facts of their narrative, which is such a key in the teen and young adult years. Weave hope and destiny into the words you speak. Over time they will begin to see themselves defined by that, rather than by their past. By SONSHIP rather than ORPHAN. By BELOVED rather than REJECTED.

I find that it helps in this process to ask, what is the story Father is telling about my child? And how can I help connect their subplot and mine to His glorious story? 

And I have found that I am empowered with courage to embrace what is hard in my child’s story when I tell it in the context of love and honor, and in the safety of God's overarching grand story.

I look for ways in the telling of the story to speak to my child’s true identity, acknowledging the past, but speaking to the possibilities of the future. Asking questions with my child, and offering possibilities in the face of the missing pieces of their story has really helped me in this story-telling role. “I wonder what that must have felt like for you?” or “Maybe your mother was so so sad when that happened.” I like questions because they allow me to come alongside my child and connect with them where they need it most. 

Maybe you also have been discovering your role in your child’s story. I would love to hear what you are learning. For how wonderful is this dear friends: the story is not over yet—theirs and mine and yours!! 

I feel like I can not end this post without saying that all 4 of our adopted children have had seasons where they have pushed me away from their stories, or tried to deny any connection at all with their pasts and the residue of relinquishment in their thinking, emotions and relationships. I have heard quite a few times, “The way I deal with that is that I just don’t think about it.” 

And so I wait. I pray. I speak life. I stay emotionally connected, so that when the time comes that they are ready to “go there,” I am ready to go with them. 

What a beautiful gift the Father has given us to participate in His story of redemptive love!

THE TREASURE HUNTER AND THE CHILD

From Beth:

It's what we parents do. We hunt for treasure. There isn't a day that goes by that hasn't given me the opportunity to seek out the treasure in my children. Now, I don't always take that opportunity, nevertheless, it is always there. 

In the house of the righteous there is much treasure (Proverbs 15:6)

There is indeed much treasure in each one of my children. But sometimes, (not always, but definitely sometimes) the treasure is hidden. 

In the days of Nehemiah the Jews had experienced a wonderful God-ordained rescue from captivity. Even so, even with a God-planned rescue, they were still living like poor squatters amongst the rubble of their past.

It is not so different for some of our children, is it? Adoption has delivered each one from his or her life in an orphanage, or from some form of life that simply could not support them. Even so, some of our treasured ones still live as orphans in one manner or another. Maybe your child hides and hoards food, or lies for no apparent reason despite appropriate consequences, or has fits of rage, or directs hateful words towards you despite your consistent acts of love, or is terrified of being left, or is inappropriately affectionate with strangers, or.... or.... or......

When God brought His people out of their captivity and back to Jerusalem, their true home, the walls and the gates of the city were a burnt out rubble. The walls that provided definition and boundaries were severely compromised. The walls that gave the city identity were in ruin. 

And the gates that provided access for what is allowed and good and whole, and protection from what is not allowed and unsafe, and unwelcome, were wrecked.

The survivors who are left from the captivity in the province are there in great distress and reproach. The wall of Jerusalem is also broken down, and its gates are burned with fire. (Nehemiah 1:3)

And it is in this context of parenting that I have become a treasure hunter. Amidst the rubble of my child's past I seek out the treasure in him.

My parenting becomes less about correcting the ripple-effect behaviors that reverberate from the enormous impact of their relinquishment, and more about Calling forth the Treasure that is hidden amidst the rubble and destruction. 

I become, in effect, a Treasure Hunter.

I know it is there, for it is revealed to me by the One who put it there in the first place. 
I know it is there, because sometimes I can see it clearly. What joy! 
And I have the honor to uncover and release this treasure. It is what parents do.  

What is the treasure in your child? What gifts has God given? What talents?

These questions have helped me so many times when I am walking through the rubble of my child's pain and am tempted to see only according to the flesh.

As we go about the work of adoption--that is the transformation of an orphan into a True Son or Daughter--as we go about rebuilding the walls of identity and restoring the broken places, let us seek the treasure in our precious children.

Let's remind each one, (and ourselves too!) that a child is not defined by his point of loss or weakest moments. Each son and each daughter is defined by the beautiful treasure of who God created them to be.

I see that one child has a strong mercy gift, another is called to be a leader, and another is gifted to be a way-maker, and another is a faithful friend. It is my job not to allow the work of rebuilding walls and gates to cause me to forget the beautiful treasures that are sometimes hidden, but never destroyed.

Father God, help me to treasure hunt today. Show me enough of the treasure in my child that is Your amazing work in him/her so that I never lose sight of the honor and joy of uncovering and releasing such beauty. 

AN ADOPTED CHILD SHARES HIS STORY: ALEX HILLIS

It is a special privilege for us to introduce you to Alex Hillis as he tell his story of adoption. At 22, Alex has much to say and his story is an encouragement to all of us parents to trust God to do in each of our children the same saving and freeing work he has done in this amazing son.

What God Told Me
I want to start off by saying that a couple of days ago I was going on a run and only planning to run three to six miles. Before I started the run, I was talking to The Lord and I told Him, that I wanted to hear from Him. I was not going to stop running until I heard his voice. My plan of running only three to six miles turned into 25 miles! It was then that The Lord spoke to me. This is what He told me, "Treat people the way you want him or her to become"-- and that's it. This quote got me thinking about my life. Looking back 14 years since I was adopted I know exactly why God was telling me this. 

A Second Chance at Living

At age seven I walked into a room when I saw a woman and a man and they had the biggest smiles I have ever seen in my whole life. Beside them they had a girl and a little boy, who was four at that time. I knew then that this was the family that was going to adopt me. I remember the lady coming to me without hesitation, giving me the biggest hug and putting me on her lap. She started talking and it seemed like forever.  She was asking me question after question. To tell you the truth I have never felt so love. When God introduced MY family, MY real family to My life, I now I had a second chance at living. 

Brian and Susan, Cristi and Trevor, with their new
family members-- Alex (next to Susan) and Anya.

My Parents Saw Me as Someone Who Had Hope

Let me tell you what I mean by this....

When you are in the orphanage, you only stay there until you are 18. After that if you are smart enough you go to college, but those who aren't go to the street. Then their life is most likely over. They start taking drugs, start getting in to gangs and before they turn 21 their future is not looking so bright. 

Alex (right) with sisters Ksusha and Lana Grace, running
to their new parents.

Right now I am 22 and I can not start to explain what my Lord has done in my life. From the first day my parents adopted me they started seeing me as someone who will succeed, someone who had a hope. They started seeing me as a beloved child of God. Even through all the pain they went through, their love never changed. They loved me unconditionally. Also, having a father figure for the first time was such a blessing, and honestly I could have never asked for a better dad. Just when I thought life could not get any better, it did!. Not only was I adopted into an amazing family I was introduced to my REAL Father: Jesus Christ. 

My Family Stood Their Ground

Alex with Susan, speaking together at
 Created for Care (retreat for adoptive moms)

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that that my life was so easy after that point because it wasn't. As a child I was so broken. But my wonderful family stood their ground and they rebuilt me into the man God wanted me to become. It was not easy, but I've never seen a faith as strong as my parents'. Yes! Physically they are not that strong, but I guarantee you that their faith and love is stronger than anyone I know. With that much power, they could move Mount Everest! Looking back now, knowing that if my parents loved me that much, how much more does my God love me! 

Want to hear more from the perspective of the adopted child? Check out the Adopted Children's Stories section of our blog.

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FOCUSING FORWARD, GLANCING BACK

Recently I have found myself thinking quite a bit more about the pasts of our children who have come into our family through adoption. Ironically, the facts of our children's pasts, along with the resulting issues, both positive and negative, seem to be more present in our present, not less, as the years have gone by.  It would seem to me that the opposite would be true-- that the longer our children are home, the more distant the impact and influence of their past. And in some ways this has been true. But in some ways those key questions of identity that are the stuff of adolescence and young adulthood have taken us back to a season not unlike those early days after our adoptions, where we are especially aware of the impact of the our children's past experiences in their lives, in their thinking, in their actions, and in their beliefs. 

It seems to me that the past is not a non-issue, that one of our roles as parents is to help our children navigate the often complicated emotions and other residue from the things they experienced, and equally as influential, the things they did not experience before they came into our families. And having understanding of how our children are experiencing these realities, helping them to understand why they might think, feel or act in certain ways, has been so helpful to Stephen and me. I am thankful for the freedom we have to embrace each child's story, their whole story, as we help them come to their own decisions about who they are and how they will process their often harsh and painful origins. I use the word freedom because apart from the freedom that we have in Christ, who is the great redeemer of all things broken and stolen, I think I would have tried to ignore and cover over and deny all the hardships of our children's pasts, simply out of my desire to protect them and to help them move forward.

Over the years it has been tempting to "wish away" the past, hoping that the goodness of the present would override it somehow. Tempting or not, that simply does not work. For it is a gift we give our children to share with them in their story, even the most difficult parts. For most of us the instinct is always to protect our children from pain by avoiding it or covering it over, but what if protection in this case looks more like embracing and accepting? At some point many of our children will need to know even the most difficult parts of their story, and we parents want to be the ones to tell them and to walk with them through the process of grieving and the swirling emotions as they struggle to process their story. 

Let me show you a picture of a tree that Stephen and I saw last week when we were away. (we went to Santa Fe-- just the two of us! It was so refreshing to have that time together!)

   
You can't see very well from this distance; this tree doesn't look particularly interesting, until you look closer. Now take a look at the close up of the trunk:

This was a large tree that had been cut down to a stump years ago. I am sure that there were no expectations of this tree once it had been cut down. But how cool is this?! Out of that dead stump came a whole new tree-- a really great tree. I see that God, in His great wisdom and goodness, is doing a similar work in our children. He is not allowing us to ignore the past, but rather is using what seems like a dead stump to call forth new life-- He is continuing the story without wasting one thing! Only God does such amazing things! For it is true my friends, He is busy working ALL THINGS together for the good of our precious children. (Romans 8:28)

We are watching and co-laboring with Father God as He is doing a "new thing" (Isaiah 43:19) in our children's lives through adoption. This is a privilege beyond measure. We parents get front row seats in this interactive drama where new things spring forth; where a past marked by rejection, pain, sin, abandonment, relinquishment, neglect, fear, and lack does not determine a future, but is miraculously transformed and re-purposed for LIFE.  


I have always liked the analogy of driving a car that Susan Hillis shared with me years ago, as she and I have spent many hours talking and praying about how to parent our children into their future, according to their Identity and Destiny, rather than in response to their past. 

Stephen and I have had to teach 7 teenagers how to drive, and I am not kidding when I say that this is one of the worst parts of parenting for me-- nothing like giving a moody teen a lethal weapon! One of the things we teach them is the importance of the rear view mirror. Until you teach someone to drive, you probably don't realize how many times you take a quick glance back to what is behind you as you navigate forward. But that right there my friends is the key-- you only glance back! Yes, you do it often and it is a key to successfully moving forward, but if we were to focus our eyes backward, rather than forward, we would never make it to our destination. 

So, as we parent our children our eyes are always focused on the future, on our child's Identity and Destiny. We Parent Forward. However, we recognize that their past is not something to be ignored, and is as a matter of fact, a key component in the call of God on their lives and on their unique identity. So we glance back as needed. And something I would add on that we have been learning recently is that occasionally a child may need to pull the car over so to speak, get out and spend some time exploring what lies behind. And when that happens dear parent, you get right out with him or her, link one arm with your son or daughter and the other arm with the Holy Spirit, and walk right alongside. And the best thing we can do for our child on this excursion is to keep our focus always on the Lord and His forward-moving, life-giving, past-redeeming plans and promises. 

Father, would you help us to simultaneously embrace our child's whole story while keeping our eyes firmly focused forward into their Identity and Destiny in You. Thank you for your redemption of all that has been stolen or lost in our child's past. Cause them to be that beautiful tree, a planting of the Lord! Amen.

(Susan Tebos and Carissa Woodwyk's book, Before You Were Mine; Discovering Your Adopted Child's Life Story, is very helpful in helping adoptive parents embrace their child's whole story. Great practical ideas and wonderful focus on the Lord.)

BECOMING OUR CHILD'S STORYTELLER

It's an honor for us to introduce you to our friend, Susan TeBos. Susan is the mother of three internationally adopted children and co-author of Before You Were Mine, Discovering Your Adopted Child’s Lifestory. This helpful book equips adoptive parents to commemorate and celebrate their adopted children's birth stories. You can find out more about Susan and her thoughts on Facebook--  www.facebook.com/susantebos.author

Communicating and Understanding

The other day I was searching for a website that gives voice to birthmothers desiring to reach out to the child she could not parent with words of encouragement and love. I had no idea that sites like this even existed. So I was certainly surprised when I spotted a YouTube video of a birthmother cherishing her final moments with her newborn baby. This video had received over 32,000 likes. Amazing!  So many eyes glimpsing the heart of a birthmother, dreaming and wondering if perhaps this love and encouragement was true for them, too. I could only guess that most of these viewers were adult adoptees, individuals who had never been introduced to their lifestory or taught that it is okay to know.   

Today, more than ever, wondering and not knowing have been replaced by communicating and understanding. We’ve come a long way as an adoption community and kids are asking and parents are telling. Still many adoptive parents hesitate to go to the difficult places of their child’s heart mainly because it is uncomfortable, or they don’t know how, or they may not have all the answers. Additionally, many are not sure what the outcome of the truth telling will bring. Some even wonder if it is worth it. 

Becoming our Child's Storyteller

Experience tells me that it is so worth it and that every authentic effort to bring clarity and truth to an adopted child is valuable. I believe it is our distinct and unique privilege to become our child’s storyteller. And to do this well we must believe that this precious child is counting on us to go there first; to go to her story and to know it, and feel it, and see it with compassion and truth. She is counting on us to be ready when she needs us to hear her, affirm her, to reassure her, and to guide and protect her. Who better to receive her concerns or desires or hurt?  Who better to walk with her through it all?  

My husband, Mike, and I are raising our three children to receive their birth stories and hopefully accept them one day too, even the messy stuff that causes tears and wondering. It’s all about layers of learning and establishing our roles as storytellers in their lives. We started telling when they were little and it was easy. We talked about their birth country and birth parents names and facts and data like eye color or occupation. We even delighted in performing our own silly versions of Russian dances wearing furry Russian hats. Then, as our kids grew, the wondering grew, too. That’s when the hard work began. Russian hats became embarrassing. Eye color not enough. Questions surfaced that were more sophisticated, questions we didn’t have definitive answers for and yet were honest enough to tell them so.  

Introducing the Birthparents

That’s when we began introducing their birthparents in a new way, looking at things like character, for example, and making safe assumptions that would help them see this person more fully. A person’s actions can tell us a lot about his or her character. With this in mind, one day I decided to download an extensive list of character traits off the internet with lots of options to select from. I just Googled ‘character traits’ and pop, up came lists to choose from. After selecting 4 or 5 traits that were believable and best described our oldest son’s birthmother, I was ready to share something new with him when he needed it.  When the day came, Matthew, age 13,  was visibly relieved to begin seeing his birthmother in this new way…hopeful, friendly, safe, responsible, and even loveable. He had never considered her this way before and his heart softened toward her that day.  As for my part, the words I selected to describe his birthmother were not just random words simply chose to appease his heart. He knows I would never jeopardize our mutual trust in that way. 

Sadly, we will not have such comforting words to share with our daughter regarding her birthmother’s character.  It will not be easy.  It will be hard to describe a person who was so broken at that time in her life.

May you, too, discover the privilege that is unique to adoption.  May you speak truth into your child’s heart. May you enter holy ground where a reservoir of feelings waits to be shared or released.  May you become your child’s storyteller.

To find out more about how to become your child's storyteller, read Susan's book.

THE STRENGTH OF TRADITIONS IN OUR FAMILIES

Sometimes Susan and I have to laugh and enjoy how God works with us at Hope at Home. We have often texted, or emailed or made a phone call and found that we have the same message or scripture to share, completely independent of each other. It's actually such fun for us-- knowing that we are hearing some of God's heart together. This week we both wrote articles for this blog on traditions, so you are getting a double whammy! It's especially funny to us this time because usually I am the one who loves to talk about the practical aspects of parenting, always intrigued with how the Truths we are learning look in "real life" at home, and Susan always says she's more of the big vision type, excited by the beauty and power of the Truth. Well, she felt quite impressed with herself this time because her post is full of practical ideas for creating Christmas traditions, and rightly so-- it's a wonderful article! And my approach is focused more on the overall benefits of traditions in your adoptive family. So here is part two on traditions:


Traditions and Unity

So, I am a big fan of traditions I have to say. In their place and for the right purpose traditions are a gift in any family. Those of us whose families are formed by adoption may find that the creation of traditions serve as an effective tool in building family unity. You may have found, like us, that adoption does not lend itself to unity, that family unity is something we parents must be intentional about. The very nature of adoption is to introduce someone from the outside into the life and heart of your family. In our post on Family Unity I gave the definition of unity: "oneness, especially of what is varied and diverse in its element or part." An adoptive family is nothing if not diverse! We have found that creating family traditions has significantly helped us to be ONE family in the midst of much diversity. There is something about family traditions that fosters a sense of unity, peace joy, fellowship....


Creating Traditions

Unlike routines, which are merely every day activities that require no special behavior and usually do not produce good feelings, traditions are "practices that create positive feelings and are repeated at regular intervals."  We think of traditions as being handed down from one generation to another, but you can create your own traditions to meet the needs of your adoptive family. I loved the ideas that Susan shared in her post on Christmas Traditions. For many of us these wonderful Christmas activities will be new, but traditions have to start somewhere! The first few Christmases after our adoptions we attended a Russian Christmas celebration, filled with Russian music, dance and food. It was an effort on our part to make our children feel valued and to give them something familiar and comforting. It ended up not becoming a tradition for us because it didn't seem to mean much to our children, but I do encourage you to think outside your family traditions to find activities that will be congruent with your family. I'll share one other Christmas idea with you. Because we have seven children and we were trying to avoid having 42 presents under the tree (representing only the ones each child would buy for his/her 6 siblings!) it has become a tradition with us that each child give all the money he or she would have spent on gifts for their siblings to buy a gift(s) for someone in need. Over the years we have given anonymously to families struggling at our church, to homeless children at a ministry in our city, and to unwed mothers. I know that sounds very impressive so I feel I must tell you that we still have plenty of presents under our tree, and most of them are store bought! But we have found that this tradition of giving to someone in need is a wonderful way for our family to live out who we are as worshipers of Jesus. 


The Gift of Heritage

Along with creating new traditions, I encourage you to embrace ones that you grew up with and value. It is a wonderful gift to your children, especially your adopted children, to be warmly gathered into the heritage of your family, the traditions you grew up with. It creates in them a sense of belonging and history. It is a sad reality for our precious adopted children, to one extent or another, to have missing or fragmented histories. When we maintain traditions it fills in the sometimes gaping emotional holes that their missing stories have left. Take the time to tell your stories of growing up, of the things you used to do each year, and then do it again with your children! Both Stephen and I grew up in a liturgical church and we continue to enjoy observing Advent (the four weeks leading up to Christmas) with our children. It has been an effective way for us to celebrate Jesus in December rather than celebrate presents and Santa Claus. Our best family devotionals have been during these nightly readings, lighting the candles in our advent wreath, and sharing the amazing story of redemption.   

We have been surprised over the years at how protective our children are over our traditions. Sometimes we go to make a change, not actually realizing that something like where we place our Christmas Tree has become a tradition, and find out we are practically flirting with the unpardonable sin! Just two years ago I tried to place the Christmas tree in a different corner of the room and I wish you could have heard the uproar. Fascinatingly, it is our adopted children who often feel the most passionate about our traditions. They have an amazing memory about whose turn it is to put the star on top of our tree each year! I have come to realize that by giving them the gift of traditions we are creating a sense of security and belonging that goes beyond the counting of its value.

Stephen and I just spent an evening with another adoptive family who came to Hope at Home 2011, talking and praying for each other. They were sharing that every Christmas Eve their family shares communion. I just loved that. Stephen and I decided that this year we will do the same-- looks like a new tradition may be born for us Templetons! 


I heard Bill Johnson once say that having a history gives a person the momentum for success. Let's include our adopted children into our family histories and into our spiritual histories, and watch how God uses it to launch them into their destiny in Him! 

WHOLENESS AND HEALING

I want to introduce you to a dear friend, Jenni Means. She has been leading in children's ministry for 25 years and is currently on staff at Northlands Church in the suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia. With a Bachelors Degree in Early Childhood and Elementary Education and many years of teaching in both public and private Christian schools, Jenni is highly qualified to speak to parents. But Susan and I think that her greatest qualification is her heart for children and their parents. She has personally ministered to both of our families in ways that have affected us for eternity. How thankful we are for her! Jenni has partnered with No More Crumbs Ministries in training children, youth and adults in Georgia, Holland, Ukraine, UK and Malaysia. She has been married to Scott for 29 years. You'll be hearing from Scott later this summer on this blog, but while you wait, check out his blog on marriage, Journey To Surrender , Jenni and Scott have three daughters.

You will hear more from Jenni on how to help your child hear his Heavenly Father's voice at our HOPE AT HOME 2011 Conference, September 23-24 in Atlanta, GA.

For more Information and to Register, click HERE.

Wholeness and Healing Found in the Voice of the Father

I will never forget that long flight back from Holland, thanking God for His faithfulness and praying for more revelation.  As a children’s minister, I had spent the previous week with my teammate Colleen, sharing with children and other children’s ministers that they really can hear from God and how much He wants to speak to us.  Now as I traveled home, I was thinking about another group: pastors, ministers, and servants of the Lord, concerned about what God wanted to do regarding the orphans of the world.  In less than a month, I would be travelling with Dr. Susan Hillis to Ukraine to speak at the Eastern European Summit on Orphans and the Church.  What message could a Sunday school teacher from Atlanta offer those involved in the orphan crisis?

As I was considering this, I glanced at the seatback next to me where a movie was showing.  I didn’t have the sound but just the picture and it showed a Matryoshka doll.  This immediately caught my attention as I associate the nesting dolls with Eastern Europe.  On the screen someone was taking apart the matryoshka until the tiniest center doll rested in a man’s hand.  That was when the Lord spoke to me.  He said “That is what I want to do!  I want to supernaturally break through all those layers covering the inner, wounded, abandoned child and bring healing.  Every child’s name is engraved on my palm (Isaiah 49).  I desire for them to know that they are in the center of my hand.”

Breaking Through the Layers

All of us are made of spirit, soul and flesh.  We all have the need to be loved and nurtured, wanted and valued.  As the years go by, layer upon layer covers up our inner self but God sees beyond the layers, even if we appear to have happy painted on faces on the surface, to the raw reality of who we are inside.  And He wants to reveal His love, His desire for us and our destiny as a child of the Father.  This message is for the child inside of every one of us and is especially crucial for children who have experienced abandonment from their natural parents.  God wants to break through the layers around their hearts and extract the fear and pain of rejection that they faced, and pierce the lies of worthlessness with the truth of His love and spirit of adoption.

In my experience and observations, for the orphan spirit to be healed and replaced with the spirit of adoption as sons and daughters, it takes more than the love of a family.  It will take more than a commitment to Christ.  It is when the child hears the voice of the Father, speaking to them, that they are set free and healed. I feel this is especially important for the adolescent who is trying to discover who he/she is and does not want to hear things from the parent. 

Consider this quote from the previous post by Andrei Templeton:

“My faith is a constant struggle because of my past but God never fails to reveal something in my time of need. He has given me many words over the years from many people that I look up to. I have heard His voice and guidance on many occasions. If it was not for hearing His voice I would not be the person that I am today”

Hearing the Voice of the Father

I believe God wants to speak directly to His children of all ages, as in the days of Samuel, declaring His identity for them and equipping them to walk into their destiny.  In I Samuel we find the story of a boy being raised in a Godly environment by someone other than his birth parents, Samuel.  Eli is not Samuel’s father, but one who is trusted with Samuel’s care and spiritual training in serving the Lord.  Now we know that Eli made a lot of mistakes with his own sons, but he got it right with Samuel.

Most of us are familiar with this story. I Sam. 2:18 tells us that “Samuel ministered before the Lord, even as a child,” and verse 26 tells us that Samuel grew “in favor with the Lord”.  Then in chapter 3 begins the story we know from Sunday school,  Samuel is lying down and hears the Lord calling him but mistakes God’s voice for Eli.  And right in the middle of this confusion of going back and forth from Eli to his bed is verse 7 which states, “Now Samuel did not yet know the Lord, nor was the word of the Lord yet revealed to him.”  Here is Samuel ministering to the Lord and even growing in favor with the Lord and yet this verse tells us that Samuel did not yet know the Lord, nor was the word of the Lord yet revealed to him! 

Our children can be ministering to the Lord and not know Him.  What was lacking for Samuel just might be lacking for us and for our children. Perhaps they have yet to encounter the Lord by hearing His voice calling them, and we know the Lord is calling them.  If we can be like Eli and just confirm this to the children and show them how to hear from the Lord, then not only will they know Him and have His word, it will be said of them like Samuel in verse 19:

“ So Samuel grew and the Lord was with him and let none of his words fall to the ground.”  

You will hear more from Jenni on how to help your child hear his Heavenly Father's voice at our HOPE AT HOME 2011 Conference, September 23-24 in Atlanta, GA.

For more Information and to Register, click HERE.