ENLARGED IN THE WAITING

From Beth:

I love the Advent season. Advent is all about waiting in anticipation, not just for the presents of Christmas morning, but for the manifestation of God’s presence—the increase of His kingdom, in this world, in our situations, in our hearts, in our homes. 

We have done a good bit of waiting over the last 15 years of adoptive parenting.  We have waited for paperwork to be approved, for our children to come home, for proficiency in English, for a new normal for our family, for attachment, for healing, for wholeness, for the replacing of an orphan spirit for the Spirit of Adoption that speaks of sonship. 

Our spirits are often full with the promises God has spoken to us. Even as I write, I am filled with the satisfaction of a promise already come to pass as I live out the dream in real life! For, like many of you, our children are home and they are no longer orphans. Oh how wonderful that is!

But there are some of you reading this who are in the waiting- for-your-child-to-come-home stage; you are facing significant obstacles between you and your child being home. I just want to pause this post to add our faith to yours in prayer:

Father God, in faith we believe You for these precious families. We call these children HOME. And we speak to the mountains that would hinder that homecoming and say, Be Moved. Comfort the hearts of our friends who are waiting, and protect these precious treasures who are waiting to come home. Amen. 

For a few other things that are very dear to my heart though, I am still waiting, feeling the weight of the wait! I am waiting for some promises that have yet to be delivered safe and sound into the arms of our lives. Sometimes the weight feels heavy and wearisome. When it does, I find I must be careful not to allow disappointment to sicken my heart. 

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire is fulfilled, it is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12 AMP)

Do you ever hear those whispers like I do--the ones that say "give up; it's not going to happen; it is just too hard to continue in hope; the weight of the wait is too burdensome; it would be much easier to quit believing, maybe this is all there is and I should just settle ….."

I am pregnant with a promise from God, and I suspect you are too. For me it is the Promise of Adoption and all that is hidden in the meaning of that word. The promise of deep inner healing for my children, and their wholeness in all areas of their lives--healthy attachment, freedom from the residue of rejection, intimacy with the One who is The Spirit of Adoption.

And in the wait to see the promise delivered I sometimes feel cumbersome, waddling through some days with the weight of it all. 

And it is clear to me that the enemy is always after the unborn life, tempting me to abort that unborn promise--to settle for less.

And I recognize the temptation to defer hope--to postpone hope for some other time, for some other promise. The sacrifice of bearing the unborn promise, nurturing it with the food of faith in what seems like a past term pregnancy, sometimes makes me weary.

BUT then I am reminded that 

God's Love Endures Forever.
Love, God's Love In Me, is Patient. 

The enemy would kill the child. It has always been his way.

But Father God responds with a shout, "LIVE!"

And so I choose to agree with LIFE.

And like a pregnant woman, I am enlarged with the promise rather than diminished by its weight. 

And I see that God is changing me and my children with His promises, and once again I recognize the honor it is to bear such a weight. The stretch marks of the growth process haven’t faded, but they speak a good word to me. They speak to the expansion required by adoption, the shape change in our family and in our hearts. They speak to the pain that comes with growth— the “more” of increase. They are marks of growth in compassion, understanding, patience grace, mercy, and warfare. They are marks that speak to me about who I am becoming in the process.

And I am learning to enjoy His presence with me and in me along the way.   

That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.(Romans 8:24-28 MSG)

WHAT IS THAT TO YOU?

From Beth:

Susan and I have been off the blogging grid for a while, taking care of many needs with our families and friends. And if you follow us on Facebook you'll know that Susan spent many weeks in West Africa working with the Ebola crisis. But, we are back and excited to see what God might have us share with you in this 5th year of our bloggy life!!

One of my favorite scenes from C.S Lewis' Narnia stories is the one in The Horse and His Boy where Shasta is riding along, afraid and filled with self-pity. An orphan himself, he has a long list of very good reasons to justify his fears.  He becomes terrified to realize that there is someone, or something, walking alongside him. He hears the breath of this mysterious presence, but cannot at first see him. Once he gets the nerve up to talk to the beast, Shasta begins to share his sad story. 

He finds out from this interaction that so much of his pitiable story is actually (totally contrary to his own interpretation) a story of rescue and love. Hmmmm, I believe I'm familiar with this storyline myself! How often I have had the Lord totally reinterpret what I was sure was a 100% "bad" situation by showing me a new way of seeing. (Remind me one day to tell you about the phone call we got from jail!)

But, back to my point:
After listening for a bit Shasta changes the focus from himself to his friend, Aravis. What about her, he wonders? What is her story?

Copyright 20th Century Fox

I have always loved Aslan's answer (for Shasta gradually realizes it is a great lion who is walking alongside him.)  

"Child," said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own."

Like Shasta in the story, we so often want to compare our stories. It's human nature I suppose. We look to see what other moms are doing, how their children are behaving, how their adoption or fostering story is playing out, and then we measure ourselves against them.

Sometimes we come out on top, using another's weaknesses or failures to make ourselves feel good. Other times we don't look so good in comparison, and we allow our perception of their success to diminish or even condemn us. 

Either way, comparison is, as they say, odious. It is offensive, both to us and to the people to whom we are comparing ourselves, our homes, our marriages, and our children. 

The best cure is as Aslan said, to listen to what God has to say to us about our lives, and trust Him with the many "but why?" questions that arise in our hearts along the way. We wonder why others seem to have children who have succeeded so well. Or why our child has not attached despite our best efforts while another family has a child who is so very well-adjusted. Maybe we are struggling with a child who has angry, hateful outburst, and then we read a sweet Facebook post about a child who told her mother how thankful she is she was adopted. In little and big ways, these comparisons add a weight to us that God does not intend. 

I think Jesus was speaking to Peter about these same things when they walked along the beach that amazing day that Jesus showed up and made lunch for His friends. Jesus is telling Peter about his future calling and suffering and Peter, noticing his friend John, responds with, "What about him?"

Jesus simply won't engage with Peter to compare their two stories. 

Jesus said to him, If I want him to stay (survive, live) until I come, what is that to you? [What concern is it of yours?] You follow Me! (John 21:22 AMP)

So my fellow adoptive parents, let us not measure ourselves and our children--our adoption stories-- against our friends, both the social media kind and the in-the-flesh kind. Rather, let's concern ourselves with what Jesus is telling us about our own lives. Let's do as He says and Follow Him, even as we "follow" each other on Facebook! 

For that frees us up to rejoice with the victories around us and to genuinely mourn with our friends who are going through hard times. This is the community of love that we all desire to be a part of!

I will end with this statement from Graham Cooke:

Rejoice in who you are. Rejoice in who you are becoming. And then have the decency to do the same for other people!

THE HUNTED ONES

From Beth: 

I remember those days that some of you are living in right now. Those days when if I could just have a moment to myself (even if it only meant privacy in the bathroom!) it felt like I might survive the day. This photo I saw in my Facebook feed recently is too true!

With 7 children, I have to admit that sometimes I felt hunted....

Mommy, I'm hungry.
Mommy, can I watch a movie?
Mommy, he cheated.
Mommy, look at me, look at me, watch what I can do!!
Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.......
Mommmmyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, some of these words came out in Russian, some in screams, some in excitement, some in joy-- that is the mommy life, and I loved it. 

But you do sometimes get weary of being pursued, of being followed. 

And in the thick middle of all these demands I am pursued by Another. 

Surely or only goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life... (Psalm 23:6 AMP)

Chased down by the One who is Goodness, Mercy and Unfailing Love.

Did you know that the word for follow means to pursue, to chase. How cool is that?! In other verses it is translated to hunt down. God is chasing us down friends. Not to accuse us or to expose or chastise. Not to demand things of us. 
NO! 
He is chasing us down with His love. 

We are the hunted ones. 

Surely 
Only

And looking back I see it is true--in seasons of ease and joy, and in seasons of pain and grief--I am one who is pursued. 

Never left alone. 

Never, not one moment of one day, have I been left to myself.  

Oh thank you Lord God. 

Thank You. 

Holy Spirit, would You help me live as one who is hunted? Show me the goodness, mercy and unfailing love that pursues me this day. Help me to show my children that they too are hunted ones. Thank You Father that You will never leave me alone, that not a day of my life will I live apart from The Hunt! 

"IT'S FRIDAY, BUT SUNDAY'S COMIN!"--A PARENT'S PERSPECTIVE

From Susan: 

Just 2 more weeks to Hope at Home 2014!! If you have already registered, we are praying for you and your family by name. It is hard to express our sense of confidence in the Lord for this event. We are EXCITED!! 

And if you have not registered, our arms and hearts are open wide to welcome you dear friends. Please consider joining us for this gathering of Real Families, sharing Real Help and Real Hope.

"It's Friday, but Sunday's comin!" 

We all have those little quotes that stick like glue in our memories. This quote by Tony Campolo was actually His trademark. No matter what we or those we love may suffer on any given day, the truth is, in Jesus, we know the that even when it feels like crucifixion-Friday, resurrection-Sunday is coming! And if you are living on the resurrection-Sunday part of this week, there is someone within your reach who needs you to pull them along towards you, as there are certainly friends and family close by who are today in the crucifixion-Friday side of life.  

I invite all of you to peek into what I keep seeing that the future holds for those called to help pray and love children into living like the treasures God created them to be! I separate our family adoption story into the beginning, the middle, and the ending.

The Beginning 

Life is busy, physically and emotionally tiring, full of school, homework, meals, music/art/sports lessons and events, funny stories like the day Vasya put his tooth that just fell out into the crack of the baseboard for the mice, only to burst into tears when all his brothers and sisters hollered, 'stop! stop!  In America we give our old teeth to the fairy so we get money, instead of giving it to the mice who are living hidden behind the walls!!' And Vasya bursts into tears as the rest of the kids are shaking back their giggles. So I save the day assuring him that I know the tooth fairy and will tell her to come anyway!  
While the practical challenges are exaggerated, the silly stories to offset them bring somewhat of a balance. 

We pray their faith will become their own, and not just their parents'. 

We tend to our children's hearts and souls, trusting that they and we are being raised together to the kind of newness of life that Jesus' resurrection ushers in by His Holy Spirit who comes to live in our hearts. 
  
We pray the Lord will meet them where they are and they will feel His supernatural help that transforms problems with school and friends and neighbors and  family and feelings, by the love of the Holy Spirit, poured out into their tender hearts, often through our tender affection.

The Middle

As kids from hard places walk through the teen 13 to 19 and young adult years, they, like Peter, often try on their orphan identities again. You see, that Erikson Developmental Stage of identity versus role confusion (ages 13-19) must be worked through. Only if they are believing they are who Jesus says they are--sons and daughters of the King of kings and sons and daughters of their loving parents, or as Luke calls us, children of the resurrection, will they be able to walk in emotional and spiritual health. 

It is typically a process, and they often flip in and out of the opposing poles. While we would love to force them into the right pole--the sonship/daughtership pole--the only help that is ultimately effective is the force to love approach. That is, I force myself to focus on love more than change. And the Fount of Love Himself gives me His love, Jesus' love, the love that we tell them about when they are little. This is the love that will never change even if they are "bad.''  

So when they make bad choices that have bad consequences, we keep reminding them, "I know who you are, even though you are not living like who you are. You are kind, loving, generous...."--whatever those unique giftings are we see in them. We keep speaking truth even when they are themselves believing lies and living lies, telling themselves things like "I am worthless; my life will be bad; no girl will ever want to marry me; I will not be able to get a good job; I am a failure....."  

In these years, particularly, we are they who must keep seeing the Invisible Hand of our Loving Lord, placing angel armies around them and around us.  We trust that their story will end like Peter's, who, in spite of denying who he is and who Jesus is, He ends up being the one who feeds the sheep, tends the sheep, and feeds the lambs--over and over and over again. Just read Acts for all that Peter changes to accomplish, after He is fully filled with the Holy Spirit and comes to see Himself as Jesus saw him all along.

The End

All the kids will grow up and leave home and we will all become empty nesters. I didn't really think this would ever happen to me! What is that like? Well, for me, it is WONDERFUL! I get to keep the relationships with our children who value keeping the relationship (most of them do!) and keep loving them.  

At this stage, they must move through intimacy versus isolaton (20-30ish). When their hearts are broken by a boyfriend or girlfriend, this fear of aloneness and abandonment is more destructive in its "crucifixion-Friday" threat--and we keep reminding them that they have a SURE HOPE of intimacy with Jesus and with us and with other believers that no one and nothing could ever threaten! When we see them isolating themselves we text and call and email and instagram messages to them that are reminders of the hope we ourselves determine will be our own trademark. 

And we keep loving with a view to "Sunday's comin'!" 
And we keep loving all the others the Lord is sending our way -- the "whoevers" of Mark 3-- "whoever does the will of my Father, He is my brother and sister and mother"--and I would add "and son and daughter."

Prayer   

Lord Jesus, today we pray for all those in every country who are loving children who need families and who need You;  we pray that we would be living the 'Sunday's comin!' life of hope in Your being an anchor for our souls.  And that as we do, our children and many others would simply copy us as we copy You.  I just love how, virtually every time You, Jesus, speak in the gospels of your coming crucifixion, You yourself always add:  "and the third day I will rise.'  We praise You for John 6, that You, when you remind us four times that You are the bread of life, You also remind us over and over that when we COME TO YOU, that YOU raise us up to newness of life.  Evermore strengthen us to walk in this resurrection-raised-Sunday's comin! life.  For your glory.  For the hope of our hearts, our homes, our world.  In Jesus Name. Amen.

EMBEDDED PRAYER

From Beth:

Susan Hillis and I, and our whole team, so ready to see you all at Hope at Home 2014. Oh how we would love for you to join us so that we can stand together with you, linking shields on behalf of each treasured child, the ones in your home and the ones yet to come home. Register Now for this special gathering created just for you! 

It is such fun to share on Facebook or Instagram the joyful and fun moments of our lives. We rejoice with one another in those sweet moments captured and shared--and this is how it should be. Here is a photo I shared this summer when all 7 of our children were together at the beach. Mind you it was all of 5 hours before two of the kids had to leave, after one had just arrived that morning, but we were not going to miss an opportunity to take a photo! So much goodness and evidence of God at work in this picture!!

But then there are those moments we would never think to take a photo of--and certainly NEVER would we share them on social media! Those moments of heartache and disappointment are the ones we private message to a trusted friend. God is Lord over them all, the private pains and public celebration. How thankful we all are that His faithfulness is not limited to the happy days of Facebook posts!

We get many private messages from parents whose children are in seasons of serious need and vulnerability--the kind of scenarios we have all so hoped to avoid. We hear stories of rebellion, addiction, psychological diagnoses, sexual acting out, unhealed attachment disorder, removal from home, trouble with the law..... 

And indeed, both Susan and I have faced many of these extreme situations in our own families, interspersed amongst the never-ending stream of true beauty and joy.

And we too have sought words of life and hope, both for our saddened hearts and for our children's lives. So, whether you are facing one of these extreme situations or not, I know that you are praying for your child, trusting God for wonderful things for him/her. In the end, is this not the bottom line for us parents? That our children thrive and enjoy the fullness of life that is theirs in Jesus? 

Take a quick look at what Jesus prays for Peter (Luke 22:32) before He is taken by the Roman guards, on His way to the cross. Remember, this is JESUS CHRIST PRAYING. He tells Peter, 

But I have prayed for you, Peter, that you would stay faithful to Me no matter what comes!

Now, I know you all know what happens in the ensuing hours. Despite Jesus' prayer, Peter does indeed break faith with Jesus. 

It might seem that Jesus' prayer for Peter was ineffective that Thursday night--that it somehow "didn't work." Is this even possible? How can this be?

But hold on a minute-- let's read what Jesus says next to his disciple: 

Remember this: After you have turned back to Me and have been restored, make it your life mission to strengthen the faith of your brothers! 

Jesus saw past the unfaithfulness to a time of repentance, restoration, and ministry. His prayer was embedded with provision for all contingencies!

And the very thing Jesus prayed for--that Peter would be faithful no matter what happened--becomes Peter's life mission. Peter spent the rest of his life, after being restored, ministering strength and faith into others. 

Jesus' prayer covered it all for Peter!

So my dear friends, let us not be dismayed by what appears at the moment to be unanswered or ineffective prayers. Let's embed our prayers for our children with plans and possibilities for all contingencies. And the very place of weakness, brokenness, or sin will become the place of strength for that struggling child. 

Think of it, when we think of Peter we think of the ROCK that he is. Even to this day, through the scripture, his words are strengthening us. We don't identify him according to his weakest moment. But rather, according to the words that Jesus spoke and prayed.

And I believe it is just so with that child you are praying for dear ones. We identify them according to who God says they are, even--and especially--in those seasons where their weakness or sin is most evident, and no one is asking to take a photo to share on social media.

For our prayers are embedded with the "no matter what comes" kind of situations, embedded with restoration and hope! 

Faithful God, I pray Your word from Psalm 91 (The Passion Translation) for my child:

He/She makes his/her home within the shadow of El Shaddai, hidden in the strength of God-Most-High. In Him ____________ always feels safe and secure! He's the Hope that holds _________, and the Stronghold to shelter him/her. The only God for ________, and his/her Great Confidence. He will rescue __________ from every hidden trap of the enemy, and He will protect him/her from false accusation and any deadly curse. His massive arms are wrapped around _________, protecting him/her. __________ can run under His covering of majesty and hide. His faithfulness is a wrap-around shield keeping __________ from harm. 

PAY ATTENTION TO THOSE NUDGES

Planning to join us for Hope at Home 2014? Well, we sure hope so! Every time we meet to pray for you and for our time together, we have such a sense of anticipation for what our Father God has in store for us. You will be encouraged and equipped by the One who has you and your child in mind--every single moment. REGISTER TODAY!

From Susan:

Just this week I felt this crazy urgent nudge to call a doctor in another state with whom I had not spoken in 17 years. You see, this doctor, Doctor Bill xxxx, was our son Jonny's heart doctor, and I was savoring the memory of how his advice changed our life!!! This fond memory made me want to ask him to talk with a young couple J and B, whose first little baby was just born half way across the country, with Jonny's same heart problems--problems that only occur 1 in 250,000 births!!!

Susan and Brian with Cristi and Jonny

Now the logical side of me said, "That is a crazy idea....you don't know where Dr. Bill is working now; you don't have his phone number; even if you did, he would be busy; he has taken care of so many kids he probably doesn't even remember you; taking time you don't really have out of your day for this interruption is irrational."

But the faith-filled side of me thought, "Lord, is it You giving me this idea as a way to encourage this young family? What can I lose by trying?"

So I googled his name, <Dr. Bill xxxx, pediatric cardiology> and BAM, the first link was to his office and phone number.  He has gone on to become a very well known pediatric cardiologist who helps run a well known pediatric cardiology center! 

Then I called the number and told his secretary, "This is Dr. Susan Hillis calling. I am wondering if I might speak with Dr. Bill xxxx....I am not sure he remembers me, but he took care of our son years ago."

And Dr. Bill, the head of a busy cardiology center, came right to the phone, "Susan Hillis, how in the world is the CDC doing and how are you doing???" 

He DID remember me!!! 
And he WAS available. 
And he DID answer the phone! 
This BUSY man was free right when I was nudged to call.

Brian, Cristi, Trevor, and Jonny

And this is what I told Dr. Bill, "Bill, a childhood friend of Jonny's and of our daughter Cristi has just given birth to their first baby--a precious little girl who has the same rare heart defect that Jonny did. I have just been remembering the two things you did for us that changed our life and wishing they could talk with you. I'd like to tell you what those two things were:

• First, when I planned to teach all our friends and all Jonny's teachers CPR, you said, "Susan, you cannot do this!  If you tell others that Jonny will be at risk of sudden death from cardiac arrest every day of his life, then the adults will be afraid of him. And if the adults are afraid of Jonny then the kids will be afraid of Jonny....because kids always copy adults. What you must do instead is this:  LIVE A NORMAL, HEALTHY FAMILY LIFE, AND FOCUS PRIMARILY ON LIFE, NOT ON PROTECTION FROM DEATH. 

• Second, when Jonny's heart was growing weaker and weaker at 10 months of age, you sat down with us and explained, "If we do nothing, you will have about 6 months, but if we operate and close the hole between the upper 2 chambers, he could have years. The catch is this: the risk of him dying from the surgery is very very high and the likelihood of the surgery working is very low.  But if it did work, you would have years with your son, not months. It is up to you." Bill, do you remember that?"    Dr. Bill replies, "Oh....I remember it like it was yesterday!"  I then continued, "Well, Bill, you know that your courage won us years with our dear son--years of memories and laughter that we would NEVER have had if you had not been willing to let us make that choice. Making that choice caused many rocky months for us and for you....like that Friday and Saturday you sat by Jonny's bed when he almost died, and titrated all those potent IV meds going into his veins, with your eyes on all his numbers and monitors and pressures, to see if it would be possible for that little heart to begin to function. What I want for this young couple is for them to have someone like you, who will be willing to talk with honesty about their choices, and who is kind and capable. It is so hard to go through something like this when you are so young.  We had to do it, and your help made all the difference for our entire family and for his entire life. You helped us all focus on enjoying life and not fearing death!"

Always the gentleman, Dr. Bill thanked me sincerely and told me to  have Cristi's and Jonny's friends call, which they did that very afternoon....
and he answered their call. 
And he helped them. 

So, why is this story important for adoptive/foster parents OR for any parents?!

It is important for 2 reasons:

1. There is always someone else you will be able to help. When those nudges come, it is good to pay attention to them.  It will be a blessing for you and for them!! 
(recall II Corinthians 1...those reminders to comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received from God!!!).  And there will be others nudged to help you when you need it.  
Don't be afraid to act.  
Don't be afraid to ask.

2.  The same 2 family life lessons that Dr. Bill modeled for me is what I hope to pass along to you:  

• First, let's live as normal a life as possible, and focus on LIFE and GIFTS and ENJOYING EACH OTHER, not primarily on PROTECTION and CONSEQUENCES and DEFICIENCIES. The past month has been very hard for me--one of the hardest in years. Unexpected rejection that is painful. Horrible realizations. But those cannot be my focus. My focus will be on LIFE and the BLESSINGS abounding even amidst sorrow.

• Second, be willing to be DIVERGENT....like that movie that I just watched by the same title. Dr. Bill would have been among those "divergent: ones--he was courageous, kind, intelligent, erudite, and selfless in his service toward our sweet son and our entire family. I want to be like him.  Like him with others who are walking in this same adoption calling, so that we can see weak floppy hearts with holes in them become strong, just like happened against all odds with Jonny's.

So this week Lord, equip us with that joy that comes from being in Your story. Thank you that, Lord Jesus, you were always focusing on life--

life to the full....

life abundant....

life eternal....

life with purpose.....

a life of forgiveness....

a life of love.  

We want to focus on LIFE. And Lord, we want to be different...divergent--those who, because our eyes are on YOU, are filled with courage and kindness and selflessness and capacity and wisdom. 

For your glory.  

For the blessing of our family and others on our path every day.  Amen and amen.

HOME SWEET HOME!

I never tire of hearing how our Father God brings children into families. The stories are endless confirmation of a miracle-working God whose love is extravagant, both for us and for our children. You will really enjoy this story from our friend Martha Cook. Martha and Andy have been married for 13 years. They both went to Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary where Martha got her Master of Arts in Counseling. Martha and Andy have two biological children, then two adopted from Ethiopia, then another biological son, and are now again in the process of adopting from Ethiopia! Some of you are familiar with Promise686.org, a ministry they helped start and play a key role in today. Promise686 reduces barriers to adoption and fostering by giving grants, offering childcare/meals, and help equip churches to bring orphans into their homes. In her spare time, Martha coaches people in all stages of life through her business, www.allabouttheprocess.com.  

 Don't forget to register for Hope at Home 2014 before August 26 so that you can take advantage of our Early Bird Special. 

From Martha Cook:

Our oldest (11) recently asked at the dinner table, “What if Andrew (9) and Sydney (6) had to go back?” I said that’s not possible. And he said, “Yea, but what if?”  

I shared that the legal process prevented it--but he wasn’t giving up! I didn’t want the idea even in their minds, but our oldest wasn’t letting go. So, I finally said (or maybe “overstated”) in a serious voice, “It’s not going to happen.”  I had, for no substantial reason, created an awkward moment. The brief silence, at the table with the seven of us, was ended by Andrew. He stood, looked at his sister, and raised his hand to high-five her and exclaimed with a huge grin, “Home Sweet Home!

Now let me describe a different scene—6 years ago we were three weeks away from flying to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, to get Sydney who was 4 months old, when I sheepishly asked my husband to adopt again. This was a bold move because we hadn’t even gotten our first one so if you know him, you do not ask for something next until the first thing happens. He went through many reasons for why he just couldn’t go through this again. With each reason, I had a beautiful defense, but by the end I just outright begged, because I really wanted our daughter to have another sibling in our family with a similar story. This had always been on my heart, but we had two young children already, a 4 year old and 3 year old, and that would be four children four and under. I had always hoped in my heart that somehow we would get a sibling group, but our agency had told us that it was so RARE to get a sibling group under 3 years old. So after an hour of debating, I surrendered and thought, “I’ll just have to pray about this.” He closed the conversation by saying that he’d only adopt again if the second child came alongside the first one. 

The next morning, I went out to get an oil change while my husband was home from work during the day (which never happened), and he answered the phone to discover our case worker on the other end. She explained to him that Sydney’s biological brother had been brought into the orphanage and then asked my husband if we were interested in adopting Sydney’s brother. 

My husband came to pick me up at the gas station, and casually said, “Guess what? We are having another baby.” 

Well remember, twenty-four hours before, he had just said “no,” so I thought, “What kind of mean trick is this?” I said, “What? Why are you doing this to me? This is so mean!”

 It took him six times before I believed him. He finally said, “The agency called and told me Sydney’s brother who is almost three was up for adoption, and I already told them yes.” 

Only God could design circumstances such as this where I would never have to worry over whether I was pushing my own desires on to my husband--he had come around in less than one day! 

At this point we expected we would have to wait another six months to bring our newest son home, since none of his paperwork had been done, but another prayer changed that. 

Each day that went by leading up to our trip, we began dreading having to take two trips and not be able to take our son, Andrew, home when we got Sydney. We just couldn’t understand how we would be able to leave. On the plane over there we devised a plan that before going to meet the children, we would go meet with the Ethiopian director of our agency and ask to bring them both home. When we went to meet him, he looked at us as if we were a bit crazy. His answer was, “It would take a miracle to do that.” My husband replied, “Would it be okay for us to all pray right now and ask  God for a miracle?” The director looked annoyed, but since it was a Christian agency I think he thought, “Well, I guess I have to do that.”  My husband  prayed for all of the necessary paperwork to be done in two weeks. As we left the office, we noted that the director’s mood was much lighter, and off we went to meet our children. About ten minutes later as we were in the taxi, we got a phone call from the director… He said, “You won’t believe it but one of the steps has already been done on Andrew’s paperwork. Let’s take this one day at a time and see what happens.” 

Home-Sweet-Home came two weeks later. I think of this story frequently and some days I wonder why I ever wait to pray about my desires or concerns. The God who provided my children still sits on the throne today. Life is a bit hectic in our house, and frequently there are questions like Bobby’s persistent “What if they had to go home?” that I just don’t quite know how to answer.  

But I smile when I remember that God still provides one day at a time. 

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DANCE WITH THE ONE THAT BRUNG YA

From Beth:

Before we get to this post, just a quick reminder that Hope at Home 2014 is coming up, September 26-27 and boy are we excited to see you dear friends!! Our Early Bird Discount ends August 26, so be sure to take advantage of that. Can't wait to give you all a big hug! 

There's an old Texas saying from a University of Texas football coach, "Dance with the one that brung ya." In sports, it means to go with the players and plays that result in wins. 

For me it means to continue on in our adoption journey the same way we began it, in the Spirit. I bet if each one of us reading this were to share how God brought us into this amazing expression of His love for orphans, we would all be telling stories of the supernatural-- of His calling, moving, providing, radical work in our lives and in the lives of our children. How many stories have you heard of people looking at a computer screen and falling in love with a complete stranger?! 

We so know who is behind that! It is the Spirit of God, the Spirit of Adoption moving supernaturally. 

But somehow it seems strangely easy to almost seamlessly move from walking/dancing in the Spirit, totally aware that if God doesn't do His thing we won't get our children home, to parenting our children out of our own strength and resources. 

We got invited to this Adoption Dance, and then accepted the invitation, totally recognizing that this was not your run-of-the-mill prom. We were dancing with a partner who was moving way outside of our familiar dance steps! 

So, maybe you are like me and sometimes find yourself dancing alone. You look up and realize, what happened to my dance partner?! I'm struggling with these steps of parenting alone, in my flesh, and it's not working out so well--for me or my child!

It reminds me of what Paul wrote to the Galatians:

You crazy Galatians! Did someone put a hex on you? Have you taken leave of your senses?...
Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God’s Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren’t smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up! (Galatians 3:1-4 MSG)

Yep--only crazy people think they can parent their children in their own strength, knowing that it was God who brought them into their family by the Spirit. Ummm, that would be me-- at least sometimes. I am learning to PARENT IN THE SPIRIT more and more these days. 

If you have the time now, listen to this wonderful song by Steffany Frizell Gretzinger, We Dance. 

Oh dear ones, let us choose today to dance with the one that brung us-- our Jesus. There is no better dance partner for us in the Adoption Dance, this Dance of Love to the Song of Sonship. 

Lock eyes with the One who set your feet to dancing these steps of adoption beloved, and then parent from that place of embrace and movement. 

LEANING INTO THE HEADWINDS

It is always a treat to hear from Greg Haswell. You'll hear more from him at Hope at Home 2014. You can register today for this gathering of adoptive, foster, and waiting parents, September 26-27, in Atlanta, Georgia. We sure would love to see you there!

From Greg:

It seems wrong to encounter headwinds when we start on a path that God led us to. Shouldn’t the headwinds be in our face when we’re doing the wrong things, and at our back when we’re negotiating the right paths? Yet sometimes we find ourselves doing what we know to be right and still squinting into discouragement.

Headwinds are not insurmountable; we can proceed with them in our face, but they are unpleasant. They resist us as we go forward and create drag on what we’re doing. Sometimes they gust harshly, demanding immediate withdrawal or surrender. Other times, they resist with poisoned whispers and subtle insinuations.

When the Israelites entered the promised land under the direction of God, they faced the headwinds of discouragement and fear. Even though they were walking into great promises, they still had to fight giants and pull down strongholds. Most times they were outnumbered, outgunned, and outclassed, but they had God walking with them into all He had promised.

As they were about to enter their promised land, God’s instructions were especially important, and I suspect they will be equally important for us as we walk into ours.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

God encouraged Joshua to be strong and courageous and forbade him to be afraid or discouraged. That is a command, and therefore it is attainable, because God never requires us to accomplish what we cannot. 

So I am here to encourage you, in submission to God, to resist the headwinds of discouragement and fear. These two impostors always seek to resist the stated will of God. If they can get us to imbibe their lies, believe their deception, or surrender to their suggestions, we lose out on the promised land. 

Remind yourself of what the Lord said when He led you here. 

Remember His kindness and goodness to you and shout at the headwinds “I will not bow down to fear or discouragement!”

A stubborn and immediate refusal to fear allows the whispers of God to ring in our hearts loud and strong. When we are careful to resist fear and discouragement, all that is left is peace and a deep inner knowing that the days of fulfilled promises are here. The headwinds die down, and we have courage to go on in the will of God. Our arms are strengthened by following His advice.

So may your life be eased by obedience to His command. 

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

IS IT WORTH IT?

From Beth:

All that paperwork about killed me. I don't know what it was about the page after page after page to be signed, notarized, apostilled-- but I hated it! For some reason it stressed me out more than any other aspect of the adoption process.

I'll never forget calling my sweet friend Susan Hillis from the Apostille office in Atlanta in veritable hysterics. Poor Susan, I was crying so hard that she assumed I had been in a car wreck or something equally awful. But in reality I just needed to tell her how devastated I was that EVERY SINGLE DOCUMENT that I had painstakingly collected, and that had been meticulously notarized, was invalid. Those of you who have adopted internationally know the size of the pile of papers required. 

The idea that I would have to go back and do them all over again was crushing. It was:
A lot of work. 
A lot of stress. 
A lot of money. 
A lot of WAITING AND DELAY.

Now, 15 years later, my list of inconveniences, disappointments (some crushing and some just irritating), and prices paid in time, emotion and finance, has grown quite long of course. Mostly I don't think about my life, about our adoptions, about parenting, in these terms-- in terms of cost. 

But, every once in a while Stephen and I have been known to look at each other and say something like, "Wow, we really had no idea what we were getting into did we?!" Not out of regret at all, but more as a commentary on life, an acknowledgment that there have been prices to pay along the way.

Love is costly. 

We were going to adopt two other children. 

For a year we prayed every single day for Ivana and Yevgeny, a little 5 year old girl and 3 year old boy. We had their photo on our refrigerator and we thought for sure these were the children God had given us. 
We spent money. 
We spent time. 
We spent emotion. 

We spent with the joy that comes with Anticipation and Hope and Possibility!

I find myself tearing up with tender feelings and strong connection even after all these years seeing this photo again. Beautiful little treasures.

After a year of all of this spending the word got to their grandmother that these two little ones were going to be adopted to an American family. This grandmother, who had never visited her grandchildren before, must have come to a kind of awakening. She realized that this was not o.k. with her. She went to that orphanage and brought Ivana and Yevgeny home with her. 

When Stephen and I were told this news, we were devastated--completely shocked and confused, wondering how something we had been so sure of could turn out so differently from what we had "known."

I just know some of you reading this know EXACTLY what I am talking about. You have lived it. 

I will never forget driving in the car with Stephen praying about this, asking God what was going on? Had we completely missed Him? Were we even called to adopt? What did He want us to do? etc.

And then He spoke. In my spirit I heard God say, "Beth, if I had told you a year ago that I was going to use all that money you spent, all the time, all that prayer, all that love, all that pursuit.... to get Ivana and Yevgeny back into their birth family, would you have done it?" 

Who but the Lord can respond to a list of questions with a question and get away with it?! 
Who but the Lord can tuck into the folds of a question all the answers that I need?

A weight of peace fell on us. That is the way with Him. When He speaks, Life and Peace are released. 

We knew right away the answer to that question. Yes. Yes, of course Lord, we would totally have been willing to give all of that so that You could get these two treasures of yours out of that orphanage and into their home. 
YES. 

It was totally worth it. 

What price would be too much for that?

When I think of that year of effort from the point of view of that question, and then when I consider all the prices we have paid over the years (from helping siblings adjust, to parenting virtual strangers, to countless therapy sessions, to dealing with addictions and rebellions, to the simple day-in-day-out realities of a large family....) from that perspective, I am absolutely convinced that there is no price that is actually too much for the opportunity to love. 

It is totally worth it.