A BIOLOGICAL SON GIVES HIS LIFE FOR HIS ADOPTED SIBLINGS

Our good friend, Shanin Macaluso, mother of two biological sons and two adopted daughters from Russia, shared something with us that we really thought you all would also want to hear. Very cool! She and her husband Dan live in California and are greatly missed by their Atlanta friends!

I love my quiet times with God. I love how He reveals Himself to me in those times I set aside for Him. He never disappoints. I've been reading this book, The Bible, for almost forty years. If you took out all of the extras, like cross-references, definitions, maps, commentaries, etc. that it would be almost as long as the last four Harry Potter books put together. So picture the same forty years reading these last four Harry Potter books... I suspect I would have plateaued in all there was to discover before the end of year two, if I'm being really generous to account for symbolism and the like. 

On this particular day I was reading in John 14. Jesus is telling the disciples about how he is about to leave them, but to take heart. He will be sending the Holy Spirit to not just live among them, like He himself was at that time, but to dwell within them. He said that He would not "leave them as orphans." As we know, this promise of the Holy Spirit was for us as well. We, too, when Jesus left this earth, were not left "as orphans."

Jesus clearly wants more for us than to be without a parent to guide, protect and provide for us. And a quick look at scriptures shows us that Father God places a high value on orphans. (Check out James 1:27, Isaiah 1:17, Exodus 22:22-24, Deuteronomy 10:18, Psalm 68:5-6)

No Second Class Children in Our Family
When Dan and I felt that God had placed adoption on our hearts, we approached our children to get their take on the idea. We knew it was very important to explain that these children would not be second-class children, rather any adopted child in our family would assume all of the rights and privileges that they themselves had. We explained, to the best of our ability, how much “sharing” would be required of them -- their bathroom, the television, their parents AND their inheritance. We didn’t want the issue of inheritance to be a big surprise upon our death. Instead of half, each child would be receiving a quarter, an equal share, just like the scripture says.

Romans 8:16-18 “The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs -- heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”

Ephesians 1:4-6 “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will -- to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.” (This One he loves, is Jesus, and I need to come back to him in a minute.) 

The Macaluso Family BA (Before Adoption)

Adopted Children Have Equal Inheritance
Maybe my kids also found some comfort that there would be two more people to share in the “suffering” that is chores! The scripture is clear that, although we as believers have been adopted, we have full “sonship.” We have equal inheritance with Jesus, who clearly was the child who did all of the work. Don’t we despise when we watch a tv show and some rich man dies and they read the will, only to reveal that the child who hasn’t seen the guy in twenty years gets as much as the child who spent the last twenty years caring for the elderly parent? It isn’t fair! But that’s how God sees us -- as children of equal status.

I do have to share my boys’ responses when we were explaining all of these things with them, not because they are relevant to my point, but because they make me proud. Kyle, who was 13 at the time, immediately said “I’m in. Let’s do it.” Sam, then 10--the younger and therefore picked-on brother- said “I have so many problems with the sibling I have... Why would I want another?” Oh, I love the honesty! But about fifteen minutes later he came up to us and said, “You know, everything natural makes me think ‘Why would I want this? Why would I want to share my stuff and everything?' But I really want to say yes, so it must be a God thing. Let’s do it.”

Dan, Shanin, and their new daughters in the orphanage in Russia

Too Good to Be True
I've heard this notion of the adoption of saints and being co-heirs with Christ throughout my Christian walk. I think after almost four decades, I’m finally starting to get it. And I really think my biological boys, who have now been with us for 20 and 17 years, believe it about their adopted sisters, who have been with us for just 6 1/2 years. But in spite of our last will and testament and our best efforts of encouragement, I believe that our adopted daughters (Sasha, adopted at 16 and who is now 22 and Elizabeth, adopted at 13 and is now 19) do not yet believe it about themselves. I think it’s because Satan feeds them lies to the contrary and, quite frankly, it’s just too good to be true, especially in the world in which they’d been raised. But that’s what the Bible says; we are co-heirs with Christ. 

Sasha and Elizabeth enjoy a grand airport Welcome Home!

It Gets Even Better!
But I think it gets even better, and this is what God showed me today... Please consider the most quoted and well-known verse in the Bible, and the verse that follows:

John 3:16-17 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”

Even six-plus years after adoption, something hit me for the very first time: The Bible calls Jesus God’s “one and only Son.” He is, in essence, God's biological “only child.” What did He do with his one and only biological child? He removed him from heaven, sent him into a dark world that would reject him, mock him and ultimately kill him. Who did He do it for? His adopted children. Wow! 

God sacrificed his biological child for his adopted child. He gave Jesus unto death, that you and I might live. 

John 10:10b “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”

That doesn’t sound like a second-rate child at all! We are not an afterthought! Isn't this a beautiful picture of the intensity of passion which God feels towards us, His adopted saints? Isn't it also a beautiful picture of how we adoptive parents feel about our adopted children?

Kyle, Liz, Sasha, Sam

Father God, we pray for this revelation to break into the hearts of our adopted children so that they can step up and take their rightful place -- both in our families and in the Kingdom. May they be overwhelmed with the knowledge of Your love for them and may their identity be 

Beloved Son/Beloved Daughter of The King, Highly Favored, Deeply Loved, and Richly Blessed!

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FAMILY UNITY

I remember one of the first prayers I prayed when we decided to adopt was about family unity. I felt a strong desire that we be one family, not split by the biological children and the adopted children, or divided by the Americans and Russians. Growing a family through adoption can mess with a sense of family unity, no doubt! Your biological children (along with extended family and friends) may be on high alert for how you are going to treat the new addition to the family. It can be quite hard for them to understand why you are parenting your new son or daughter differently as they make their adjustments into their new family. And the adopted child will undoubtedly be watching to see if she is being treated like the others. How do we parents handle this delicate situation? Prayer, prayer, prayer-- God is faithful and will work in your family way beyond your parenting abilities. Start and end with believing prayer, asking God to bring true unity into your family. Through the years and many prayers we have felt that our sense of unity in the Templeton family has been strengthened by some practical approaches to parenting.


"It's Not Fair!"

"Mommmmmyyyyy, that's not fair!" Anyone else heard that one before? I often think the old, "If I had a nickel for every time....!" I'd like to suggest that we shouldn't try to make things fair. In our efforts to create unity there is a certain logic to the idea that everyone should get the same thing and be treated the same way. Isn't that the best way to make sure everyone feels equally loved and cared for? If one child gets an ice-cream cone because they finally learned how to swim after a summer of being afraid of the water, then, to be fair, maybe all the siblings should get one too-- to avoid jealousy and complaining. In actuality, I believe that fairness works against family unity, that it should not be our goal as parents at all. We don't want to confuse fairness with unity-- unity does not mean sameness. I find the definition for unity to be fascinating; it is defined as "oneness, especially of what is varied and diverse in its element or part."


A Culture of Honor

Rather than try to minimize the differences or detract from the diversity of your family and the uniqueness of each child (in age, life experience, talent, stage of life, strengths and weaknesses etc), work to establish a culture of honor in your family. For instance, when you compliment one of your daughters, telling her how pretty she looks in her  new outfit, and her sister says, "What about me?!", take the opportunity to help this child honor her sister. Most often the "what about me?" question is simply that child's way of asking, "am I special?" We don't need to dilute the compliment by making it general, declaring everyone in the family is equally pretty today. We can respond, "You are my sweet daughter, but right now Mommy is talking about your sister. Don't you think she looks pretty in her new outfit?"


With your adopted child, you may find this issue of fairness to be a significant struggle. As long as his identity is tied to his past as an orphan, he will believe that when someone else receives something (even a compliment), it somehow takes away from the provision that could be his. He may feel that someone else's blessing costs him something. 


Love is NOT Like a Pie!

One way Stephen has explained it to our children is that love is NOT like a pie. You might sit down with a whole pie and talk as a family about how the love in your family is not like this pie. When there was just mommy and daddy, each gets half a pie. Once big sister was born, how much pie will mommy and daddy get now? What about now that there are 4, or 5, or 9 members of this family?! How wonderful that the love in our family does not decrease when we give it out! That it does not diminish our portion to have someone get attention or honor. 


A Culture of Celebration

We have found that when we celebrate and rejoice in each others' achievements and successes we move toward establishing family unity, and lessen the issues of sibling jealousy. For years one of our daughters took piano lessons and had a yearly recital. We felt that we needed to celebrate and honor all her hours of practice and her wonderful talent by requiring the whole family to go. Now, I will tell you that the idea of waking up early on a Saturday morning to sit through hours of piano playing was not on any of the Templeton sibling's  lists of things to do! (If you are wondering, sleep would have been first on the list I suspect.) But here was an opportunity for us to communicate the message that as a family we can celebrate this one child's life. Going to watch a brother run in a race or saying no to an invitation because a sister is in a play after school communicates that your family stands together and rejoices in each others' strengths and successes. We create a sense of oneness when we do this. As Romans 12:15 says, we "Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep."

You may face the complicating factor that not all of your children have talents or giftings that are so obvious and easy to celebrate, especially in the early days of adoption when your child is either very young, or more marked by negative behaviors (ones that you certainly don't want to celebrate!), or simply a stranger to you still. It is very important to find something to celebrate. Don't limit your praise to performance-based achievements. If your child sits through dinner for the first time-- celebrate. If you've been working on her attitude and she cleans up without arguing-- celebrate. Let the family know how much you appreciated your son's kindness in freely sharing his toy, or your daughter's care for a friend at school. 


Remember, unity exists in the context of diversity--"oneness, especially of what is varied and diverse in its element or part." An adoptive family is certainly diverse! It is wonderful to know that this diversity does not disqualify us for true unity. What are some ways that have worked in your family to establish unity?

LOOKING FORWARD, LIFE LOOKED TERRIFYING; LOOKING BACKWARD, IT LOOKS MIRACULOUS!*

It is our honor to share this excellent word from our friend, Linda Cox. She and her husband Jim have been in missions since 1970 and are the grandparents of four beautiful adopted children. They have worked with students, executives, indigents and hurting people on three continents.  Their three children were always part of the team and participated in all the activities and adventures.  

In 1981, Jim and Linda, kids in tow, moved to Kenya.  It was there that they met Simon and Kedress Nziramakenga—Rwandan refugees.  A friendship was formed that has spanned three decades. When genocide devastated Rwanda, Linda and Jim went to Rwanda to visit their friends. The deepest sufferers in the aftermath of genocide were the children.  Today 80,000 children head households and one out of ten do not reach their fifth birthday.  One out of ten people in Rwanda are orphans.  Half of those diagnosed with HIV/AIDS do not get treatment.

Linda's book, They Had To Run tells the remarkable story of two children separated from their families and brought up as orphans.  It is a story of hope and promise.  God's care for these two isolated children and his incredible plan to use them in a major way will encourage you to trust him and see what he will do--just like they did.  

"What was it like to be a child in Rwanda?"

The student body of a local private school in Atlanta filed in dutifully to their assigned pews for the Friday chapel service.  The children were very well-behaved; however, the crackle of “kid noise” —squirming bodies, rattling papers—created a low background rustling.  That is it did until Simon was asked the question, “What was it like to be a child in Rwanda?”  Simon answered with a description of the event that marked his life by saying, “While home alone, I smelled smoke, heard angry men screaming and saw the fire and weapons they held in their hands…”

Every person in the sanctuary was immediately riveted on Simon’s face.  The collective body language changed as each one gave rapt attention to the story he was telling.

"They were children.  War threatened their homes—their very lives. They had to run.  They were left to grow up as orphans, each separated from any family members—he in a group-home provided by a missionary and she, alone in the forest, moving from family to family."


 

God Provided for Them 

Even in their time as child refugees, God provided for them when there was no adult care.  He provided favor, benefactors and teachers.  He provided a growing relationship with Himself to comfort them and lead them toward His purposes.

"Then they were adults.  She was beautiful, graceful and passionate about serving others—especially children.  He was strong, visionary, tenacious, a trainer of men."
  

It was during this period of their lives that our families became friends. My husband called Kedress The African Queen because she carried herself with such confidence and poise.  The love they showed other refugees during this time was impressive.  Their leadership qualities were obvious even then.

Our respect for and enjoyment of them was unshakeable.  They were personally confident and competent.  They were easy to work with and never complained.  We knew they were refugees, but there was never a word about the hardships they had faced as children living as orphans.

 

How Could They Be So Whole, So Joyful, So Fun? 

Amazingly—there in that school assembly in America—I was hearing their story, along with the children, for the first time.  Honestly, I was shocked.  I’ve worked with many people, most of whom live their lives confined to a view that was formed in them by circumstances of their childhood.  How had Simon and Kedress escaped the usual self-imposed bondage?  How could what he was saying be true?  How could they be so whole?  …so joyful?  …so others-focused?  …so much fun?  

Then it came to me…of course…they really BELIEVE that their identities are in Christ! 

…not in the loss they had experienced of even the families they remembered.  They KNOW they are His, called according to His purpose and being conformed to Christ’s image!  (Romans 8:29)  They LOOK to the future and LIVE for the Kingdom!  Theirs is a powerful picture of tenacious choice to believe God rather than their experiences. (Click HERE to read another post on our blog about the freedom that comes from Renewing Your Mind.)

"Today, both are leaders and servants.  Together, they are making a huge difference helping to build restoration in Rwanda. They are Simon and Kedress Nziramakenga, church planters, film-makers, school administrators, ministry trainers and parents to many four grown biological children, nine adopted children and numerous foster children."

"Do It Again" In Our Children, Lord! 

In our church we say that a TESTIMONY is an INVITATION for God to do it again.  Simon and Kedress are a living testimony to God’s protection, healing, purpose, favor and commitment to them as his children. (read more of the story of Simon and Kedress, and/or purchase the book that tells their story and benefits the Good Shepherd Hospital for Children in Kigali, Rwanda, at theyhadtorun.com.)

And God wants to do it again!  If you are the parent of an adopted child or you are an adopted child, you may be filled with uncertainty and doubt.  Even if your past is obscured and your future is hazy, know that God has a plan for you too.  No child could be more alone than Kedress was.  Even without a parent, GOD INTERVENED!  Remember, her testimony, along with Simon’s, are an invitation for God to intervene and fill your (your child’s) life with His presence and purpose.

Perhaps you doubt that you have the resources to live your life successfully.  Here’s the good news/bad news:  You don’t—God does!  2 Corinthians 3:5 says that God has MADE us adequate!  More than that, HE is adequate.  Nothing is too hard for Him.  (Jeremiah 32:17)

Adopted as Sons with FULL RIGHTS

Rest in the OTHER ADOPTION that every true believer has experienced.  It’s the adoption into God’s own family.  Galatians 4:4-5 says, “But when the appropriate time had come, God sent out his Son…so that we may be adopted as sons with FULL RIGHTS.” (NET)

CLAIM YOUR FULL RIGHTS as His child.  Make Hebrews 2:13 your prayer, “And again, I will put my trust in Him.  And again, Behold, I and the children whom God has given me.”  (ASV)  Jesus is declaring His trust in God while He brings “the children who God has given me” before Him.  Follow His example!  Simple trust (confidence in) God’s word is the way Simon and Kedress received from God.  Trust will claim your full rights too! 

Lay down fear—choose tenacious trust!


To find out how you can join with Linda and Jim to build Good Shepherd Hospital for Children in Rwanda, the only one in the country, go to One Hundred Days.

*Paraphrased from my daughter, Kelli Sasser

ADOPTING TRANSRACIALLY

We asked our friend Andrea Young, author of a wonderful blog, Babe of My Heart, creator of the amazing retreat for adoptive mothers, Created for Care, and truly great mother to her precious children, to share with us about their experience with transracial adoption. She has a huge heart, full of godly wisdom and powerful love. It is an honor for Hope at Home to have her share on our blog--thank you Andrea!  Enjoy.

 Our Adoption Journey Began

In February 2007, my husband and I partnered with four other families in our area and started an orphan ministry in Ndola, Zambia. It was throuh our work with Wiphan Care Ministries that the Lord first opened our hearts to growing our family through adoption. I remember sitting up late one night talking with my husband about growing our family as my heart was being broken for children who needed families. We got up the next morning and visited an orphanage in Zambia to learn adopting from from Zambia wasn't an easy thing (that year in a country with an overwhelming number of orphans only 6 had been adopted internationally). We came home and continued to pray--but it would be several more years before our adoption journey began.

In the summer of 2009, Richard and I had a 4 year old son, 3 year old daughter and a 6 month old baby. Adoption at this point in time for most probably wouldn't make sense--us included. But it was then that we felt the Lord was asking us to follow Him in adoption--and truly our hands and hearts felt open to where ever and when ever. I remember the conference call where our agency was going over the areas of need--and at that time there weren't as many families adopting from Ethiopia or Haiti (this was before the hurricane also) so they asked us to pray about these two countries if we were truly open to anywhere.

Even as a little girl, I had always imagined adopting one day--I guess it's something God grew in my heart from the beginning. I lived in China for a time after college doing mission work, so naturally I assumed we would adopt from China. Our newly found agency's suggestion though challenged us to pray about two countries we had honestly never considered before--and while I knew my heart could deeply love any child--I immediately had questions for the sake of my child in his/her being adopted transracially.

Lots of Questions!

Would it be hard to have parents of a different race? What does it look like to not be raised in your culture and then move to a country where even those that do "look like you" have a completely different culture? Will my future child resent me for adopting him/her into a family that isn't his race? Will our family and friends...and community support us? What will my African American friends think? Will all my children--my adopted child included--hate me for making us a conspicuous family?

(There were so many questions at first; the interesting part now is--as I was writing this to share, I had to sit down and think REALLY HARD what my questions or fears even were just two years ago!)

We prayed for peace and direction, and with our ministry in Zambia--our hearts were just naturally drawn to Africa. And so, our journey began. We went in knowing that some adoption experts think its best for children of the same race to be adopted by couples of the same race--and knowing that some in our own community might feel the same way. BUT we also went in believing the best place for any child of any race is in a FAMILY. We took classes on transracial adoption (most every agency offers them) and sought wise counsel from some of our closest African American friends and transracial families. There were several things that were important to us to implement in our parenting then--some have remained top on our list for thriving as a transracial family and some of the others I realized weren't so important now--but they will be in later years. I do think there are some important things to consider when praying about adopting transracially...

Surround yourself with supportive family and friends...

I remember sharing our exciting adoption news with our friends and family. Most everyone was so excited, but unfortunately--I think in every circle you will always have one person who disagrees with whatever you do. I remember sharing with older family members our adoption journey and how we would be adopting from Africa, and some times someone would ask why were not adopting from this country or that--I could feel my heart already getting defensive. BECAUSE in my heart--I knew our child was in Ethiopia. I had to remember that the Lord had been speaking to my heart for YEARS about adoption and Africa--yet this was the first they had heard of it. It was new to them. I had to learn to extend GRACE and also understand how much our world has changed in the last 50 years. Adopting transracialy is very normal to our generation--but not to older generations, so I encourage you to extend grace when someone in your family isn't supportive at first.  No matter where you adopt from, you need a strong support network--so its important for you to have other friends and family who support transracial adoption and who are excited about your journey.

Surround yourself with diverse friends and community...

We especially reached out to our African American friends, and because many of them are a big part of our lives--we wanted to know how they felt about our adoption. We shared with them how important we thought it was for our child to be with other families and children that looked like him--and to also grow up experiencing his culture. Not everyone is so fortunate, but some of our African American friends were also born in Africa which makes sharing culture with our child even easier!  Our friends were very honest with us--and they shared that this might not be the best fit for every family--especially if you live in a community where there are not many transracial families or African Americans. And then...the topic of hair came up!

One thing that is very important in our country to African Americans is HAIR. One of my precious African American friends jokingly told me, "It's alright if you want to bring home an African son or daughter--other African Americans are cool with that. UNLESS...you mess up the hair!" While she was joking, I know now that there was quite a bit of truth to that statement. Taking care of African hair is QUITE the learning curve, and truthfully--to the African American community, it's how others can easily look at your child and know he is well taken care of. This was VERY intimidating for me, but this is ALSO where surrounding yourself with supportive friends comes in! I made my African American friends teach me everything they knew about hair care. I went in beauty salons they suggested and sought advice. And I stocked up on more special shampoos and hair products than I had ever used in a lifetime on my own!

My children's godmother who is African American volunteered to take our child to the barber--which I was thankful for not only for getting the right style done, but it was important for us to know we could give our child opportunities to not always stand out. Once a month, he could go to the barber and ice cream with his auntie--and although he is too young to notice any difference now, I think this will be a special time for him as the years go on. (I take the advice of those who know more than I do about things like this and apparently every boy needs to have the barber experience! Don't know what I'm missing--but it'll be his special time.) 

As I listened to my friends talk about hair and the barber--we knew it would also be important to make sure our daily community and surrounds were diverse. We just happen to live in a neighborhood that is VERY diverse--we are the only caucasian family in our culdasac. We also live in a city that is very diverse, and the pastor of our church as well as many of it's members are African American. We feel this is very important to having a transracial family--that in most all of our circumstances in many ways we fit right in and our child will never be uncomfortable or stand out. Every family might not be as fortunate to have all these things in place, but I encourage you to try to look for ways to build diversity in your family's life if you are considering adopting transracially.

Celebrate the culture of your child's country as much as possible...

Most every country has a strong, unique culture--and this was one thing we really wanted to bring into our family for the sake of our child. We bought books on Ethiopian culture and cookbooks on how to cook Ethiopian food. We frequent Ethiopian restraurants, and we live in an area where we have even made several Ethiopian friends who have taught us about different holidays and special celebrations. Because the Ethiopian calendar is completely different than ours, we celebrate almost everything TWICE! Christmas, New Years...and other holidays---we try to incorporate traditions and go to festivals when they are nearby.

Even if you adopt transracially right from your state, African Americans have a strong, rich culture here--so I would encourage you to teach your child some cultural differences so he can experience and embrace his culture and history. I'll never forget when one of my African American friends told me about the first time she went to a caucasian's funeral. It was a HUGE culture shock for her! We have to realize it is very likely for our children to marry someone of their same race--and we do not want the first time for them to experience church, funerals, weddings, etc as adults or to feel uncomfortable or struggle again blending with their new family one day.

Keep the lines of communication open and talk about race...

Talking about race to your child lets them know you are comfortable with your racial difference, and they can be too. There will come times when your child overhears someone talking about your transracial family or when a young child says something inappropriate about your racial difference or worse--when an adult makes an uncomfortable statement with your child standing right beside you. The more you have talked about race with ALL your children, the less awkward it is for everyone because you have already addressed many things together as a family and you have your "go to responses" to uncomfortable situations. When someone does say something inappropriate or uncomfortable ("Are you babysitting?" "Is he a foster child?"), and we have to use one of our "go to responses"---we also talk about it again later as a family to keep the lines of communication open. (We ask how a comment made them feel, what would have been a better thing for them to say, what we know to be true and how we might better respond next time.)

Truthfully, we rarely have strangers say uncomfortable things, and the questions we once worried about are non-issues for us as we have surrounded our family with a strong, supportive community. We also started a community group in our home where about 25 other families who also have adopted transracially join us once a month for a dinner social and a time for the kids to play. Even the older familiy members who once didn't understand our adopting transracially are completely smitten and in love with our son--and our four children have a bigger perspective on what it really means to be a family. We are so thankful that God called us to be a transracial family through adoption!

A Biological Child's Perspective on Adoption: Rachel

We wanted to share some of the stories of adoption from the point of view of the children, both biological and adopted. It has been fascinating and faith-building to hear them tell their own stories of life from their perspective. The fourth in this series is from our precious Rachel, who is a junior in college and an wonderful young woman.


Rachel's Story:
...the potential to redeem and restore broken lives...

I thought a lot about how I wanted to start this blog post. Should I begin with the first time my parents brought up the idea of adoption? Should I begin with when I first met Kristina and Pasha, the first of four adoptions? Or should I go further back, and begin with life before the adoptions? I could write a book on this experience, on adoption and how it has affected my life, and my family's life, but what I really want to emphasize is that adoption has not only dramatically changed me, but has come to define my life and my view of the world around me. As many of you surely know, melding individuals who previously knew nothing of each other into the most intimate of relationships - a family - is a weighty venture that has the potential to redeem and restore broken lives, for both those who are adopted and the family into which they are adopted.

I had one very specific request...

Rachel (center) enjoys a tea party with her
Daddy and two sisters.

I have a very vivid memory of my parents sitting me and my two sisters, Emma and Julia, down at our round kitchen table, and calmly asking us what we thought of bringing two children from Russia into our family and our lives. I must have been around eight, and while the talk of this far away land of Russia and potential new friends and siblings was exciting, I had one very specific request: I did NOT want a sibling older than me. As the middle child, I felt very protective of my spot in the order, and didn't want to deal with yet another older sibling (as much as I loved Emma, I often suffered from the common bossy older sibling syndrome when we were young). After I had told my parents this sole request, I jumped headfirst into the exciting yet unknown idea of adoption. I remember putting a world map up on my wall, looking at the different countries and focusing especially on Russia. That simple kitchen-table talk stretched the comfortable boundaries of my world to include the unknown and exciting world stretched out on my wall.

"Rachel, Mommy wants to talk to you."

For almost two years I waited for my new siblings. I imagined what they would look like, what their names would be, whether they would speak English, what kinds of movies and games they liked. Finally, one year after that kitchen table conversation we got a call from my mom who was in Russia with a friend, Susan Hillis, visiting orphanages and had just met two orphans who just might be our siblings - a brother and sister named Kristina and Pasha. My dad talked excitedly on the phone with her as my sisters and I stood by, and then he looked at me and said, "Rachel, mommy wants to talk to you." I stepped up and nervously took the phone in my hands as my mom said from millions of miles away "Rachel, I know you didn't want an older sibling, but Kristina is two weeks older than you. Would you be willing to set that aside and welcome her into the family?" When I think back on that moment, I just want to laugh at how futile our plans for our lives stand in the face of God's awesome vision for us. Kristina was older than me by TWO WEEKS, shattering my plans but in the end giving me a best friend with whom I have shared homework and friends, experiences and fights, emotions and secrets. I am so thankful that God wasn't limited by my narrow vision and fears.

Rachel (center) embraces Kristina as we pose in the orphanage
for our first photo as a family of 7.

Kristina embraces Rachel at the beach

The adoptions have shaped my life completely

Rachel (in red shirt) welcoming Andrei and Sergei
home at the Atlanta airport.

Two years later we adopted Andrei and Sergei (as many of you might already know from reading my other siblings' accounts, we met Andrei and Sergei the same day we met Kristina and Pasha, and prayed for them every day for two years until God pretty much said "enough already, why don't you adopt them?" And we did.). As I said before, the adoptions have changed and shaped my life completely. When I meet new people I talk about adoption; when I wrote my college application essays I wrote about adoption; when I picked my major I thought about adoption; when I show friends family photos I talk about adoption. I say all this to show that adoption doesn't just change those who are brought into your family - it changes you to the core. It expands you, challenges you, and fills you up until it overflows into every area of your life.

God bridged the gap between each of my family members

All 7 children, Rachel on the right,
hugging Andrei.

People ask me a lot of questions about my family. Do you feel more loved than your adopted siblings? Who are you closest with? Did you feel neglected by your parents? I can honestly say that my family is one unified unit, not separated into the "biologicals" and the "adopted"; I can also say that I NEVER once felt neglected by my parents, or that the adoptions caused them to not care as much about me. When I respond this way I almost always get a surprised look at the least, a doubtful "Really?" at the most. At first I was both shocked and offended at people's disbelief, but then I thought it over. Maybe the human heart is not infinite, and from an outsider's perspective, stretching it to not only accept but incorporate 4 strangers into your family seems almost impossible to do fully. But what I know for certain is that God's love is infinite, his heart is universal, and his vision is endless. God bridged the gap between each of my family members, connecting us with threads of supernatural love that cannot be broken and that pulled and shaped us into a wholly unconventional and wholly beautiful family. Yes it's hard, and there were bumps and bruises on all sides, from having to share my friends with Kristina to getting used to having smelly, loud boys in the house (who were also handsome and wonderful of course). And yes my family doesn't look like many peoples'. But thank God that he is strong enough to heal the broken parts in all of us, and to not be constricted by terms like "normal families". I love my family, and I love God for bringing it together in such a powerful and beautiful way. 

A Biological Child's Perspective on Adoption: Emma

We wanted to share some of the stories of adoption from the point of view of the children, both biological and adopted. It has been fascinating and faith-building to hear them tell their own stories of life from their perspective. The third in this series is from our eldest, Emma, who is a lovely and amazing young woman soon to graduate from college.




Emma's Story
I could not wait to travel to Russia

Emma, Rachel and Julia
before adoptions

When my parents first talked to my sisters and me about adopting, it came out of nowhere. As a 12 year old I had never even thought about adoption, positively or negatively, in my entire life. But as soon as I took a moment to consider the possibility, I was ecstatic about opening our family to two new members. I also could not wait to travel to Russia and learn the language and culture. Of course there were many cultural differences; I remember ordering spaghetti with marinara sauce at a restaurant and getting a plate of pasta with a gravy boat full of ketchup next to it. 

Andrei, Emma and Sergei in the
children's home

The driver asked if we could pick up a little boy                                                               One of my favorite memories of going to Russia for the first time was meeting my future brothers, Andrei and Sergei. On our way to the orphanage to meet Kristina and Pasha, our driver asked if we could stop at a foster home to pick up a little boy who was being sent to the orphanage to be with his older brother. Though we were distraught at the idea of taking two children away from the orphanage only to bring another, we of course said yes. This little boy was my brother Sergei. When we arrived and were ushered into a small room with tea and cookies, Andrei was already there, waiting to see his brother. As soon as they laid eyes on each other, I could feel the joy and relief they felt. For the remainder of our visit, they did not stop hugging or smiling.

And then they were 5

Retaining some stability was important to me                                                                        Once we all returned home, I started to get to know my new siblings better. Pasha and I watched The Lion King together over and over, always returning to the stampede, his favorite scene. He would sprint around our house on all fours like a lion until he broke his leg after falling off his bike. Then he just ran around on three legs, with his broken cast lifted in the air. Kristina and I shared a room and bonded over her incredibly loud and annoying gerbil named Mary. No matter how many times she woke us up scratching at her cage during the night, Mary remained a permanent fixture in our room. Of course there were hard times, but within weeks I couldn't imagine sitting around our kitchen table for dinner without Kristina and Pasha, and eventually Andrei and Sergei as well. I found it very easy to adjust to my new life; I was and still am the oldest child, and my only concern about adoption was that I would have to give that up. I'm sure I would've grown to love an older sibling as well, but retaining some stability (and the ability to boss people around) was important to me.

Emma and our friend Nicole with
some new Russian
friends.

Seeing the world from a different perspective

Our group in Russia,
2006

Through our adoption, I have grown so much spiritually and intellectually. I am a Political Science major at college now, focusing on international politics, and growing up aware and involved in the world outside my bubble played a huge part in that decision. I think I have become a much more well-rounded and aware person because of traveling to Russia, meeting and getting know people I never would have known, and seeing the world from completely different perspectives than my own.

Emma (standing) with others from
our team ministering in the
orphanage.

 The Amazing Love of Christ
However, seeing the transformation of our kids prompted even greater spiritual growth inside of me. A picture is worth a thousand words as the old cliche says, and one of the most moving pictures I have ever seen is my sister Kristina's first passport picture.

Our Kristina's passport
photo

 She and my parents went to some sort of embassy in Moscow to obtain her Russian passport so she could travel to the US with us and become a part of our family. That picture shows a girl with haunted, empty eyes and a blank expression. She looks so lost and hollow. But through the love of my parents, my siblings, and most of all the Lord she came to know so well, Kristina's smile has become one of the largest and brightest I have ever seen. She laughs with her entire body, and her eyes sparkle with the knowledge that Jesus loves her and has adopted her into his family forever. Her transformation is the clearest picture of the amazing love of Christ I have ever seen, and I am so happy to have been there to see it happen.

Kristina's senior portrait