MERCY DISGUISED

Hope at Home 2014, September 26-27 is for you! This gathering of adoptive, foster, and waiting parents will be just the refreshing and strengthening input you and I need to parent our children for this long-haul parenting journey. Join us--we sure would love to see you in person!!

From Susan:

We adopted Anya and Alex at ages 8 and 7, only about a year after losing our son Jonny on that family bike ride. We were all walking toward healing together, as is always the case. Here is a story of our early adjustments--a reminder that mercy comes disguised.

Anya and Alex in the orphanage.

From time to time I found myself crying, but this time I was crying over the slow and steady infusions of renewed life to which death was slowly yielding. Like the time shortly after our return to Atlanta, when Alex wanted to go to the drug store with Brian and motioned for Brian to wait because he needed to change clothes–-he ran and put on one of Jonny’s old Halloween costumes, having no idea what Halloween was or why we had those costumes or even to whom those costumes belonged. 

Alex had never known Jonny, yet he was doing just what Jonny would have done. 

And the hilarious memory that I thought I had lost forever-– the memory of our exuberant son Jonny dressing up crazily to celebrate the simplest of days--had reentered my life in our new son Alex who had never even known him.  

Only the Lord could have orchestrated this surprise! And I laughed through dancing eyes and glistening tears, because this spectacle so often experienced in Jonny's lifetime had been mysteriously revived through Alex. 

The same kind of thing happened when Anya, shortly after learning how to operate the CD player, stood in front of it with the music up full blast, dancing and singing. Again I laughed through dancing eyes and glistening tears because this experience, so often lived with Jonny, had come back into my life again in a way that only Mercy could explain. 

But the Mercy ran on a two-way street. There was the time when Brian was in our backyard in the spring, raking up old leaves, and found a little dead bird buried beneath the brittle brown leaves. Without thought, he picked it up and tossed it over the fence. Anya suddenly became hysterical, screaming at the top of her lungs in Russian, which by now I had come to understand, “Daddy threw away the baby!!!! Daddy threw away the baby!!!!”

I tried with no success to explain that the baby bird was dead, only to be drowned out by Anya’s sobs of hysteria. In frustration I looked at Brian and said, “You caused this and you are going to have to fix it.”

So Brian came over to Anya in his calm way, took her hand and led her inside, then sat on the couch after placing her facing him as she perched on his lap. He looked her squarely in the eye and with his father’s love and heart, spoke softly but with authority, “Anya, let me tell you how much I love you.  I love you so much that I got in a big airplane and went all the way over to Russia, and then I went and found you and brought you home. I will always be your daddy and you will always be my little girl. I will never leave you and I will do all I can to make sure no danger ever hurts you. Do you want to go on a walk?”

By the time he had finished these assurances, Anya was calm, and she seemed to have recovered from the reminder that the dead little abandoned bird had a fate that could have become hers; now she understood what it meant for her daddy to love her. 

We now were once again living in a family who together savored life in spite of each of our previous encounters with death. In God’s irony, one son’s death had unlocked life--life of the body, soul, and spirit, for Anya and Alex.  

And as He was unlocking life for them, He was unlocking it us all.

The Lord's mercies are indeed new every morning! Let's look up and see them!

FATHER'S FINGERPRINTS FOUND AT THE SCENE

From Beth:

He couldn't have gotten away with this one with out being noticed. He was so caught in the act!

When you leave your fingerprints all over the scene, you have to expect someone is going to recognize you--and I did.

The whole thing smacked of his m.o.; that he had been there was clearly evident.

Oh yes, I was an eye witness. At first I don't think anyone else even saw what was happening. And to this day, very few people actually know what transpired before their very eyes. 

But these eyes couldn't hold back the tears. I saw Him so clearly. His fingerprints were everywhere. 

It wasn't just that our son was graduating from high school. 

It wasn't just that he is the last of our 7 children to move into the new adventure of adulthood.

It wasn't just that I watched a young man whose first 7 years of life were spent in the pain and lack of relinquishment and all the harsh realities that lead to it, and then survived Russian orphanage life to have his whole future changed by the radical abundant love of his Father God. 

Oh yes, that was amazing and deeply moving. I could have written this same post just on that alone. 

But what really got me was seeing another young person walk across that stage to receive her diploma too. Another treasure who lived in the same orphanage as our son. 

Who does such a thing? Who but our amazing God orchestrates such a beautiful story? How do two orphans with little hope and love in their lives end up walking boldly in such an impressive accomplishment and heading uprightly as a son and daughter into a future filled with promise and life and hope, both in this world and into eternity?

Yes, His fingerprints are all over this. Oh how I love Him for who He is and for what He does! 

And congratulations to Sergei and Veronika!

I just have to say it again, adoption is indeed a beautiful thing and I am deeply honored to be a part of such a story. 

NOTHING IS DIFFICULT

From Susan:

It was one of those sleepless nights....every hour or so I opened my eyes to peek at the clock.1:37...then 2:22...then 3:35. Between peeks, I saw in my mind's eye, very clearly, a book that was being written. The hardback simple grey cover had the title clearly shown: 

NOTHING

IS

DIFFICULT

Underneath the grey hard cover lay a stack of rumpled pages loosely gathered, about an inch and a half thick. These pages held the story that was in process, not yet complete. But it was a work the Author intended to complete. I understood the story to be my story and your story and their story. It is the story being written about God's love for each of His children.  

That was about two weeks ago, and I cannot escape the lure of meditating on these three words, of searching the Scriptures for this principle. It goes beyond the "nothing is impossible" idea; it includes "nothing is difficult for God."  Impossible things ARE difficult. But for our Lord, nothing is difficult. The truth is there interwoven in countless places, from creation when each day God simply says, "let there be" and the object of God's affection suddenly enters time and space of creation. He speaks, and the world is transformed.  Or in Jeremiah 37:27, 

Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?

Or take Jesus in the gospel account of the centurion who understood Jesus could simply "say the word" and his servant, standing before death's door, would be immediatly and fully healed (Matt 7:8). Or more generally, in the gospels we see Jesus' power over death, disease, demons and nature. We read in the epistles that He does "immeasurably more" than we can ask or imagine (Eph 3:20). As one of my friends says, "it is natural for God to be supernatural."  He is the only One for whom, NOTHING IS DIFFICULT!

Testimonies

Today in the early morning I read one of the verses I have come to love, Psalm 119:24 

Your testimonies are my delight; they have become my counselors!  

I invite you to reflect on your own testimonies of times when the Lord has intervened supernaturally in the life of your family. I have lived long enough to have a pretty amazing list.   And my friend Beth has her own list that is equally convincing.  One of my personal favorites is the time I was sitting in a hospital room with our twenty year old daughter Anya, who was in a very dangerous relationship that she needed to walk away from. She urgently needed counseling help that we were not equipped to give. I could not even think of anything to pray other than this one word, "Help!" 

As I sat there, my cell phone rang--it was an acquaintance of mine who apologized, "Oh, Susan, I meant to call Sara, but I must have accidentally called you instead." It only took a few moments for us to realize that her wrong number had been God's right one. She is a social worker and her husband, a youth pastor who was working with Bethany Christian Services! She and her husband drove to the hospital right then and there, and our sweet daughter who was in deep need of intensive counseling moved in with them the next day! After several months of in-home encouragement and counseling, the entire course of her dear life was redirected out of danger. Today she is married to a dear husband who adores her and who faithfully cares for and provides for her!!!

This sweet daughter Anya is here in this picture, taken today after she and her husband joined us for church and then lunch! This precious treasure was telling me, just this morning, "Mommy, I have been remembering that triangle you always told us about--that God is at the top, my husband at one point, and me at the other. And how you used to tell us that the closer each of us got to the Lord, the closer each of us would get to each other! Mommy, that is really true!"  What was both difficult and impossible for me was neither difficult nor impossible for God. 

In closing, let me just say that our family of 12 has faced many joys and many difficulties! But not one of them, no, not one, is difficult for God to redeem and transform. My prayer is that in reading this, you will be encouraged to renew your hope in the One who always is able to redeem you and your children's deepest hurts and struggles. And to crown them and us, in His time, with joy and lovingkindness.

An Adopted Child's Perspective on Adoption: Andrei

We wanted to share some of the stories of adoption from the point of view of the children, both biological and adopted. It has been fascinating and faith-building to hear them tell their own stories of life from their perspective. The sixth in this series is from a truly wonderful young man, our son Andrei. He is 19 and preparing to enter his freshman year in college this year. 

I didn't know any other way of living.

Our sweet son as a little boy in Russia.
His beloved great-grandmother gave
us this picture.

Most kids grow up thinking their life is pretty tough. For me it actually was. The first memory of my childhood included my dad coming home from the army. That was the beginning of it all. After he came home, my parents got their own apartment. It started out pretty great but then it all started falling apart. My parents quickly went through their money by buying alcohol and tobacco. They even sent me out to buy it for them. By age six I had experienced more sadness and pain than any child should even know of, much less live through. I didn’t know any other way of living. To me, this was normal. When I was around six years old, I remember my parents telling me that some government officials were coming to ask my brother, Sergei, and me a few questions. I remember this because that was the first time they were sober in a long time. When the government came, some lady asked me if I was happy, taken care of, and fed. I told them I was happy, treated well, and had food three times a day. When the lady perceived that I was lying, she went to the refrigerator and opened it. There was nothing in it. When the lady left, so did Sergei and I. 

What really mattered to me was that I could not see my brother

I was placed in an orphanage for young kids and sent to school. The government paid for my lunches at school. I didn’t eat them. Instead I saved them until school ended and took the food to Sergei. He was placed in a children’s home nearby. I didn’t mind it in the orphanage. I was happy to be near my brother and be able to take a bus to see my grandmother a few miles away, but then something changed. Sergei was placed in a foster family. I was happy for Sergei but I couldn’t take it. Soon I had anger problems and I remember that I would steal things and get in fights. My grandmother became worried about me, so she sent me away to a boarding school for orphans. I hated it. It was far away from everything that I knew. I was constantly beaten there. That didn’t matter to me so much because what really mattered to me was that I could not see my brother-- and my grandmother was getting too old to visit. Finally my grandmother came to visit me. When I heard that she was waiting for me, I couldn’t believe it. It was April 1st, April Fool’s day, but she was there. 

Andrei with his protective arm around Sergei
the day of their reunion in the orphanage.

Every day felt like a battle for survival to me

Andrei (right) and Sergei with their
great grandmother who loved
them and cared for them.

That day she took me back to her apartment. It was heaven. There was nothing better on earth for me. I was able to visit Sergei in the foster home. That summer I even went to Ukraine to visit my grandmother’s sister. It was nice to spend a summer where I wasn’t beaten or constantly hungry. The worst thing that happened to me in Ukraine was that I scraped up pretty bad from a bicycle crash and was bitten by a German Shepherd. At the end of the summer I went back and went to a new orphanage. My grandmother was too old and didn’t have enough money to take care of me. I was around 8 years old then. This orphanage was no better than the one before. Everyday felt like a battle for survival to me. Everyday I was afraid of being beaten up. It became so bad that I became bitter and violent. My temper was short. After being there for about six months, Sergei was placed in this orphanage. He was placed in the little children’s area of the orphanage. 

They showed me something I didn't usually see... love

The day Sergei came, I met my future parents, who were at the orphanage to adopt Kristina and Pasha. They showed me something that I didn’t usually see...love. I had fun with them until they had to leave. That’s when I became my brother’s keeper. I made sure that no one was going to touch him and if someone did, they were going to have to deal with me. Through out my stay at the orphanage I learned to defend myself and my brother, I skipped school, got in fights, learned to siphon gas, and steal. But about a year and a half after I met my future parents I was called into the director of the orphanage’s office and was told that i was going to be adopted.

I decided I would go to America

The long process of adoption began. It took what seemed to me like forever. Then finally I had to be taken to court in St. Petersburg, about 2 hours away. I had just turned 10. The law required me to go to court and decide for myself if I was going to be adopted or not. No matter what I decided, Sergei was going. I was excited and scared. For a second I thought I would stay in Russia but I couldn’t be separated from my brother. I decided I would go to America.

When I left court, I saw my new mother and father, and by new brother, Pasha. I was so excited. On the way back to the orphanage to pick up Sergei, I threw up on my mother's green dress and stained it. I was so scared she would be mad or that I would be in trouble, but nothing happened. After we picked up Sergei, we flew into Moscow. We went to the circus and lived like kings for the first time in my life.

Andrei and Sergei at the Russian Circus.

Andrei, Pasha, and Sergei in
Moscow.

I remember the first six months were hardest

Andrei (with Kristina) seeing his new home
for the first time.

I remember coming to my new home. Everyone was happy and everything was new. Even though I was in a new place, surrounded by new people, my old troubles and habits followed me. I was still angry and difficult to deal with. I remember the first six months were the hardest. Soon after coming to my new home (we were adopted in June), my whole family went to the beach where I met even more family. I was overwhelmed by the new people and the disability of not speaking their language. I would throw fits and curl up in a corner for hours. I would hurt myself. There was something about pain that brought comfort to me, something familiar. As the time passed, it became easier but it took years to break old habits.

Enjoying the beach.

First 4th of July with new siblings
and cousins.

School was difficult.

I remember that school was difficult. I went into third grade when school started in August. Language was a barrier but I was happy to be surrounded by my new friends. Many of those people are still my friends today. One in particular was Vasya Hillis. He was another boy who was adopted just several years before me. He and I became best friends and would always be together. Many things have changed over the years, but not my friendship with Vasya.

Andrei (on left with armor and sword) with his third grade class.

Andrei (right) with his best friend Vasya Hillis, son of
Susan and Brian Hillis.

I hope to major in business...

As time went by, things got better. I would be lying if I said my old “demons” left me but it’s a daily struggle even to this day. As I moved from elementary school to middle school, to high school, I became more involved in things. Currently I am 19 years old and looking forward to starting college in a few months. I serve on the sound team and am a youth group leader at Northlands Church. I was involved in Cross Country and student leadership at St. Pius X Catholic High School. I served as a worship leader both for my Christian middle school and in youth group. I served as a children’s church leader as well. Through my involvement, I've learned many skills that will help me in life. In college, I hope to major in business while taking ROTC and then join the army.

Serving on the sound/media team at church.

Running Cross Country at St. Pius H.S.

God never fails to reveal something in my time of need.

Andrei (in red towel) and his brothers being prayed
over after being baptized.

After my adoption I learned quite a few things about God. There has to be a reason why I went through the things that I went through. Jeremiah 1:5 says, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:19 “They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you declares the Lord.” Time will tell what God’s plans are for me. John 13:7 says, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” I’m heavily involved with the church. I’ve made personal commitments to help others and to bring them closer to Christ. My faith is a constant struggle because of my past but God never fails to reveal something in my time of need. He has given me many words over the years from many people that I look up to. I have heard His voice and guidance on many occasions. If it was not for hearing His voice I would not be the person that I am today. One day everything that I went through will have a meaning and a purpose. Jeremiah 1:17 says, "Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them. Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant."

A Biological Child's Perspective on Adoption: Rachel

We wanted to share some of the stories of adoption from the point of view of the children, both biological and adopted. It has been fascinating and faith-building to hear them tell their own stories of life from their perspective. The fourth in this series is from our precious Rachel, who is a junior in college and an wonderful young woman.


Rachel's Story:
...the potential to redeem and restore broken lives...

I thought a lot about how I wanted to start this blog post. Should I begin with the first time my parents brought up the idea of adoption? Should I begin with when I first met Kristina and Pasha, the first of four adoptions? Or should I go further back, and begin with life before the adoptions? I could write a book on this experience, on adoption and how it has affected my life, and my family's life, but what I really want to emphasize is that adoption has not only dramatically changed me, but has come to define my life and my view of the world around me. As many of you surely know, melding individuals who previously knew nothing of each other into the most intimate of relationships - a family - is a weighty venture that has the potential to redeem and restore broken lives, for both those who are adopted and the family into which they are adopted.

I had one very specific request...

Rachel (center) enjoys a tea party with her
Daddy and two sisters.

I have a very vivid memory of my parents sitting me and my two sisters, Emma and Julia, down at our round kitchen table, and calmly asking us what we thought of bringing two children from Russia into our family and our lives. I must have been around eight, and while the talk of this far away land of Russia and potential new friends and siblings was exciting, I had one very specific request: I did NOT want a sibling older than me. As the middle child, I felt very protective of my spot in the order, and didn't want to deal with yet another older sibling (as much as I loved Emma, I often suffered from the common bossy older sibling syndrome when we were young). After I had told my parents this sole request, I jumped headfirst into the exciting yet unknown idea of adoption. I remember putting a world map up on my wall, looking at the different countries and focusing especially on Russia. That simple kitchen-table talk stretched the comfortable boundaries of my world to include the unknown and exciting world stretched out on my wall.

"Rachel, Mommy wants to talk to you."

For almost two years I waited for my new siblings. I imagined what they would look like, what their names would be, whether they would speak English, what kinds of movies and games they liked. Finally, one year after that kitchen table conversation we got a call from my mom who was in Russia with a friend, Susan Hillis, visiting orphanages and had just met two orphans who just might be our siblings - a brother and sister named Kristina and Pasha. My dad talked excitedly on the phone with her as my sisters and I stood by, and then he looked at me and said, "Rachel, mommy wants to talk to you." I stepped up and nervously took the phone in my hands as my mom said from millions of miles away "Rachel, I know you didn't want an older sibling, but Kristina is two weeks older than you. Would you be willing to set that aside and welcome her into the family?" When I think back on that moment, I just want to laugh at how futile our plans for our lives stand in the face of God's awesome vision for us. Kristina was older than me by TWO WEEKS, shattering my plans but in the end giving me a best friend with whom I have shared homework and friends, experiences and fights, emotions and secrets. I am so thankful that God wasn't limited by my narrow vision and fears.

Rachel (center) embraces Kristina as we pose in the orphanage
for our first photo as a family of 7.

Kristina embraces Rachel at the beach

The adoptions have shaped my life completely

Rachel (in red shirt) welcoming Andrei and Sergei
home at the Atlanta airport.

Two years later we adopted Andrei and Sergei (as many of you might already know from reading my other siblings' accounts, we met Andrei and Sergei the same day we met Kristina and Pasha, and prayed for them every day for two years until God pretty much said "enough already, why don't you adopt them?" And we did.). As I said before, the adoptions have changed and shaped my life completely. When I meet new people I talk about adoption; when I wrote my college application essays I wrote about adoption; when I picked my major I thought about adoption; when I show friends family photos I talk about adoption. I say all this to show that adoption doesn't just change those who are brought into your family - it changes you to the core. It expands you, challenges you, and fills you up until it overflows into every area of your life.

God bridged the gap between each of my family members

All 7 children, Rachel on the right,
hugging Andrei.

People ask me a lot of questions about my family. Do you feel more loved than your adopted siblings? Who are you closest with? Did you feel neglected by your parents? I can honestly say that my family is one unified unit, not separated into the "biologicals" and the "adopted"; I can also say that I NEVER once felt neglected by my parents, or that the adoptions caused them to not care as much about me. When I respond this way I almost always get a surprised look at the least, a doubtful "Really?" at the most. At first I was both shocked and offended at people's disbelief, but then I thought it over. Maybe the human heart is not infinite, and from an outsider's perspective, stretching it to not only accept but incorporate 4 strangers into your family seems almost impossible to do fully. But what I know for certain is that God's love is infinite, his heart is universal, and his vision is endless. God bridged the gap between each of my family members, connecting us with threads of supernatural love that cannot be broken and that pulled and shaped us into a wholly unconventional and wholly beautiful family. Yes it's hard, and there were bumps and bruises on all sides, from having to share my friends with Kristina to getting used to having smelly, loud boys in the house (who were also handsome and wonderful of course). And yes my family doesn't look like many peoples'. But thank God that he is strong enough to heal the broken parts in all of us, and to not be constricted by terms like "normal families". I love my family, and I love God for bringing it together in such a powerful and beautiful way. 

An Adopted Child's Perspective: Kristina (Part II)

We wanted to share some of the stories of adoption from the point of view of the children, both biological and adopted. It has been fascinating and faith-building to hear them tell their own stories of life from their perspective. The fourth in this series is from our precious Kristina, now a 20 year old college sophomore who is spending her spring semester studying abroad in St. Petersburg, Russia, as a Russian Studies and Environmental Studies major.

Kristina and Pasha's adoption announcement--we wanted to treat the
adoption of our children the same as the births.

I didn’t like being told what to do

Kristina's 4th grade Science Fair--The
Simple Machine. It was the first time she
spoke English in front of the class. 

Adjusting to my new siblings was as easy as pie because they were all very kind and loving. It was no problem adjusting to my new parents because they were everything parents should be and more. But adjusting to a routine and being told what to do was miserable. I remember long nights of crying, throwing fits, and being a stubborn child. Having been the boss and parent of myself my whole life I didn’t like being
told what to do.  I often thought, “who are they to tell me I have to do my homework?” It took a while to really trust and get adjusted to the idea that they were my parents. Truthfully I have no idea how my parents survived that period of my life. However of all the hard things that I had to face in adjusting to a new family and culture was school. The frustration of not being able to communicate very well what you want, how you feel or ask questions was the most frustrating thing. Soon after I arrived in America I began to attend 4^th grade with only knowing the alphabet, Old McDonald had a farm and how to write my name. I remember a couple of long horrible nights of staying up late and writing or reading something. But being a very motivated person, even while I was living in Russia, I adapted in almost six months.

Emma welcoming Kristina to their room
on the first day home.

Kristina (front left) and Pasha with their new siblings in the
hotel pool in Moscow.

Advice for adoptive parents

To those adopting parents I would say that beware of that “post honeymoon” feeling. Adopting is one of the most wonderful things someone can do. You’re giving another child a great chance at life and particularly a good and healthy life. When you are in the process and right after coming home with the child you feel so happy and good inside knowing that you did something good and are ecstatic that you got someone so wonderful in your life. But the post honeymoon feeling comes when you begin to see the not so good sides of the child and are presented with many difficulties that you have never faced. Don’t forget this child is not only going to have normal child issues that any child faces, but also extra difficulties that many children (or even adults) have never faced. Be prepared to face some months if not years of hard work. You know God is doing miraculous things when you come against difficulties because it means changes are occurring. Don’t get discouraged because in the end there are few things that seem more wonderful then when you see the fruit of your labor in that child’s life. Maybe my parents can testify to that. Of course those parents should discipline the kids, but there also has be understanding where they came from and what they went through. It’s hard to suggest what the parent should do, but maybe compromising and agreeing some way. Not always allowing the child to have his way but also not being so determined to have something go your own way.

Why did You allow all these horrible things in my life?

 I believe with all my heart that God’s plan in using my new parents, family and culture is to save me and prepare me to do his work back in the country and with the people that brought so much pain in my life in the first place. I accepted Jesus into my heart very soon after being in America and around my family, who showed how important God is in their lives. Even when I was in the orphanage I remember reading the children’s version of the Bible with my best friend. We were curious souls even then. Year after year, my family returned to Russia for different reasons; to see friends, to visit the orphanage and to minister. 

Our 2003 ministry trip back to Kalinina Orphanage. Kristina
is in the center (gray sweater) surrounded by the girls
in her group. Her best friend, Natasha (front right,
red sweater) used to read the bible with Kristina;
they still keep in touch.

Now that I think about it, it was such a God thing that even at such a young age I was so drawn back to Russia. There was nothing there for me, but it was like God was preparing me to one day return and do what he initially was calling me to do. I didn’t receive this calling till I was much older. One day when I was battling with God, I remember asking him, “ Why God, why did you allow all these horrible things in my life? Why did I have to see and feel all the things I did at such a young age? And why did you chose me to bless in such a tremendous way?” God’s reply was “So that when I call you to minister there you can relate to those kids because you have felt what they feel, you have done what they do and you have seen what they see. But above everything else you can give them hope for a new and better life because you have seen all the blessings and good I have done in your life.”

So here I am ten years later, once again back in Russia. This semester I am a study abroad student, but doing some ministry wherever and however I can for the people of Russia need to see God’s face and the love he has for them. 

Our family trip to visit Kristina (in grey coat)
in St. Petersburg, Russia,
Spring Break, 2011

In Vyborg--Kristina has visited the orphanage
she used to live in a few times during
her time studying abroad.

In front of the Hermitage Museum during our
visit in April, 2011

I know that God has a good future in store for me

The most important decision that I made eleven years ago still affects me today and in many ways it will affect me for the rest of my life. I know that without God I would not be where I am today. I was so young when I said yes to being adopted by a strange family that lived on a different continent. In many ways I did not know what I was doing and God guided me to the perfect family and gave me a future that so many could only dream of. Once again I learned to trust, experience feelings such as love, happiness and sadness. This decision gave me the confidence to make other important decisions in my life. Now I am no longer afraid for my future because not only am I confident that I will make the right decisions for the college that I go to or whom I marry, but I also know that God has a good future in store for me.

Our Kristina at Stetson University the Fall of her
sophomore year.

You are welcome to respond to Kristina with any comments or questions you would like to ask her.

An Adopted Child's Perspective on Adoption: Kristina (Part I)

We wanted to share some of the stories of adoption from the point of view of the children, both biological and adopted. It has been fascinating and faith-building to hear them tell their own stories of life from their perspective. The fourth in this series is from our precious Kristina, now a 20 year old college sophomore who is spending her spring semester studying abroad in St. Petersburg, Russia, as a Russian Studies and Environmental Studies major.

KRISTINA’S STORY

I taught myself not to feel

As I look back eleven years ago when I made one of the most important decisions of my life, I rejoice that I do not regret making that decision for one minute. I have to admit that I do not really remember my feelings and thoughts at that moment. One might think that I should remember how I felt during such an important time in my life. People remember how they felt when they said “I do” at their wedding ceremony or how they felt when they gave birth to their first precious child. For me, however, remembering my feelings and thoughts is not something that comes naturally. Partly it might be that a child at the age of nine does not have the capacity to recall the overwhelming emotions, thoughts and changes that were occurring to her. However it just might be that I simply taught myself not to feel. How and why would a little girl do such a thing to herself, one might ask? Unless you know how it feels to be both a grown up and a parent at age seven, then the idea of a little girl learning not to feel might be incomprehensible. Looking at my life today, it is hard to believe the things that I have lived through. I myself have a hard time believing that in fact I, Kristina Rebekah Templeton, was able to survive my childhood. By now you are probably dying with anticipation to know what happened to this little Kristina. What was so tragic that the poor girl learned to not feel?

Being adopted is a blessing from God

I receive two types of reactions from people that find out I am adopted; one reaction, “Oh that’s cool” and moves on afraid to ask further questions for fear of hurting me or touching upon such a sensitive subject. The other type of person gets so intrigued and asks questions like, “Oh how did it feel being adopted? What was your life like before you were adopted?” and so on. From my point of view people should never feel awkward or fearful in asking such questions. It’s not like being adopted is some kind of crime or bad thing that I committed or happened to me. Being adopted is a blessing from God that he cared so much about you that he gave you a better life.

There were a few happy moments in my life

I was born into a middle class family in Pushnoe, a little village in northern Russia. This village was so small that I could walk around the center of town in fifteen minutes or less. Hardly anyone owned a car; there was one public bus that served as transportation into the city. There was one elementary, middle and high school in the town, as well as a few produce shops, apartment buildings, a coal-mining factory, a mail house, and a gathering building. The things that I remember of my childhood are those that made the most impact on me as a child. There were a few happy moments in my life. My mother, father and my infant brother, Pasha, lived in a three-room apartment. The two things that I remember about my father are his injured leg, from which metal rods protruded, and that he was a kind man.  I remember beautiful summer days when my friends and I would walk to a nearby sea to swim and pick blueberries and strawberries. I remember my first day of school, dressed up in the traditional new fancy pink dress carrying an enormous bouquet of flowers to the teacher. The joy of starting school, getting school supplies, and meeting new friends made my life happy, but only for a short time. 

Kristina and Pasha in front of the school in
Pushnoe in 2006.

Kristina's flat was in this building in Pushnoe. She and Pasha
lived here until they were taken to the orphanage.

Survival became my life’s purpose

Unfortunately the rest of my memories are almost too unfortunate to recall. Sometime before first grade my father was killed right in front of my own eyes. I stood behind a door, helpless, watching as some man was beating up my father. As soon as I got enough sense I ran home in order to find help, but I was too late. By the time rescue came, he was already dead. The killer ran away, never to be found or punished for the crimes he committed.  From that day on, everything in my life changed; survival became my life’s purpose. I learned that survival is easier if I did not process the traumatic things that I experienced. My life to that point taught me a strong lesson that if I opened myself up to the feeling of happiness, then sooner or later I must feel sadness, loneliness and hunger. So for me it was better just to just not feel anything at all.  Without my father, my mother became a prostitute in order to support her family. Many days I would have to go and beg for some flour or bread from our neighbors or pick berries so we could eat. Many nights I would have to sleep all alone in the house, protecting my little brother. For days my mother would not come home. From time to time she would bring money home, and I would be the protector of that money. She relied on me to be the parent, not only of my little brother, but also of her. But somehow we survived many hard days. And thankfully this is not the life that God had for me and my hardships were short lived.  Even though my mother scarred my life, I cannot help but forgive her because in the end she cared about her children enough that she made money the only way she knew she could. However, one surprising day two women came to our house and took my brother and me away to an orphanage in Vyborg, Russia,  where we were to reside until November 15, 2000.

Kristina (far right) and Pasha (2nd on left) in hospital
in preparation for adoption.

Kristina and brother Pasha, ages 9 and 5, a few months
before adoption.

I was not so sure what was happening to me

On that special day happiness was once again restored in my life. I was adopted into a new family. An American family from Atlanta, Georgia, traveled all the way to Russia in hopes of finding a little girl to adopt, not knowing that they were going to adopt a little girl and her little brother. I remember when my current mom and her friend, Susan Hillis, came to see me at the orphanage and how after that day everyone started treating me so well and giving me attention. By God’s amazing planning I met an American missionary, Judy Grout, who lived in Vyborg and who began to come to the orphanage and begin to give us English lessons. It was so fun having her come and somewhat prepare me for my new life, even though at that time I was not so sure what was happening to me. It was all a dream. Every child dreams of being adopted into a picture perfect family not realizing that there would be hard times in adjusting. All they dream of are nice toys, clothes, room, good food to eat, parents who are nice and even some brothers and sisters to play with. They never imagine that the parents will discipline them and tell them when to go to sleep, or to brush their teeth and do their homework. In the orphanage there are people who watch over you, but all in all you don’t really have to listen to them because they are of no relation to you. 

Spring of 1999, a year and a half before Kristina and
Pasha came home. I met them for the first time on
Pasha's 5th birthday! 

Judy Grout teaching English to Kristina (standing on left)
and her friends. The girl in the pink vest, Olya, has died,
Natasha has a baby boy. Ruslan, on the right, has been
adopted by a family in Sweden. Kristina stays in close
touch with both of them.

Stay tuned for Part II. Kristina will share more about her transition into our family and American culture, give some advice to adoptive parents, and share with us what God said to her when she asked Him why so many bad things happened to her.