Thursday, May 5, 2011

Part II: Connection Versus Correction?

Connection or Correction? Part II

I have been carrying around in my brain ideas for this 'Part II' and am finally getting it into the computer! We left off Part I with the question 'So how do we connect to our children?' As I've thought about this in my own life I realize it is so easy to think more about connecting with my children than about connecting with my amazing husband (as one of my high school sons readily remarked recently "Daddy, mommy is so lucky to have you! You are so good to her -- she really doesn't deserve you!" Then he added, "my girlfriend doesn't deserve me either!" And the three of us had a jolly good laugh!) I also had the chance to reflect on this topic while reading 'His Needs, Her Needs' (probably the best book on marriage I have ever read) while coming back from Kazkhstan on the plane last week (I have even some amazing stories from that come later!) So this post will cover both connections!!

Connecting with Your Husband

I was reminded last week at a bridal luncheon of how important it is to connect to your is the advice shared as we went around the table:

- Laugh with each other, especially when the GPS breaks and you're running late;
- It's not breakfast unless there is bacon;
- Find ways to honor him publicly; be his biggest fan and always believe in him;
- Pray together, especially when the world is ending and the chocolate is gone;
- Know and wear his favorite color.
- Complement him in many ways and situations; he wants to be your superman!
- Always look for new ways to enjoy each other, including new hobbies and interests.
- Show interest in his work and enthusiasms, even if yours differ;
- Always make your husband the priority, even when children come;
- Make time for fun; don't let stress of daily life take over; be spontaneous!!!
- Live by Truth, not facts. Respond to who He is in Christ, not to his faults;
- Pick your arguments; some aren't worth it. Compromise;
- Soak in His presence often;
- Build intentional friendships with those who celebrate you;
- Love his mom intentionally;
- Encourage him often--even when you want to cry. This diffuses plans of the enemy;
- Give yourself time to get ready for dates, sleep in pretty things;
- Have a secret place where only you and he can be in mind, body, and spirit.
- Have 10 second hugs in the middle of an argument; it will always end in laughter;
- Find his passion and fuel yourself behind it;
- Continue to refine your marriage; you are the bride of your husband AND of Christ.
- Keep extra room in your purse for his wallet and keys. Greet him at the door.
- Just as our heavenly Father forgives and forgets, we need to forgive and FORGET!
- Submission means seeing others' needs more important than your own.
- Show interest in the activities of his daily life, big and small.

Connecting with your Children

While the hubby connections came from friends, all these kid connections came from Karyn Purvis' "Empowered to Connect" conference:

- Be in tune with who your child is, how God made him, his gifts and purpose;
- Use safe touch, such as high 5s, hugs, pats on the back, tickling;
- Give undivided attention to them;
- Value eye contact;
- Focus on having 'smiling eyes;'
- Engage them playfully, either in sports, board games, other games;
- Use nurturing play;
- Use a warm voice tone;
- Laugh together often.

In addition, a critical part of empowering them to become the person the Lord made them to be is being sure they have enough physical activity, including jumping/sports as well as many forms of fine motor activity. Remember that sad children may look angry and scared children may even look crazy. We can love them best by focusing more on responding to their needs more than to their behavior.

May the Lord encourage us all as we continue to see Him transform us and our families. He will complete the good work He has started in us! Hope to see some of you at the Louisville Summit!


  1. Susan,
    Thank you so much for sharing all of these great ideas. I truly appreciate it and definitely needed to read this tonight.

  2. This is wonderfully full of practical advice. I love it! In the busy lives we lead so many of these often small things remain undone. For instance, the eye contact is so important, but when I think on it, I can easily go a long time without actually looking into my child's eyes. Multi-tasking isn't always a good thing! Thank you Susan.