I've tried this. I've given a really great effort, backing it up with all the force of motherhood. And I am here to tell you,
IT DOESN'T WORK
Parenting in Fear
simply does not work.
It is
ineffective
counter-productive.
It
separates
restricts
constricts
cripples.
I find it oddly attractive in it's seeming logic though. You parents know what I mean, don't you? (I'm hoping I'm not out here on my own!) I find it very easy to identify what is wrong, what needs "fixing" in my children. I so want for them to live a life of radical freedom that is their inheritance in Christ. A behavior pattern or personality trait makes itself blatantly evident and boy, am I quick to see the end result in my mind. It doesn't take me long at all to see this weakness, or that sin, or the other brokenness played out over the years. I am embarrassed to say how quickly I can go to the worst-case scenario-- I mean broken relationships, failure, jail....
It's Horrible!
And when I have allowed myself to go there in my mind, I find fear is the motivating force behind my response to my child. Fear of what will happen if I don't help them now, fear for their future and fear for our present, fear of being out of control as a parent.
Not Good!
Have you ever noticed that there is
No Future in
Fear?
But that LOVE
always sees a
Future?
This is what John says about it:
There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and so he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection]. (AMP)
God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. (MSG)
1 John 4:18
When I am aware of God's love,
that HE IS LOVE
for me and to me,
for my child and to my child,
then I parent differently.
I don't parent in dread of what
will happen in the future.
Parenting in and from Fear
causes me to be harsh.
Parenting in and from Love
frees me to draw close to my beloved child
to see and release Hope,
to call forth the Treasure.
What does "fully formed" love look like in our homes I wonder? From my experience in giving in to fear, and yielding to love as a parent, there are a few things I have discovered.
Love places the highest value on relationship.
It is firm, but never harsh.
It seeks and calls forth identity and destiny.
It results in more freedom in and for me
and in and for my child.
May LOVE have the run of my house and yours, and may LOVE become at home and mature in us!
separates
restricts
constricts
cripples.
I find it oddly attractive in it's seeming logic though. You parents know what I mean, don't you? (I'm hoping I'm not out here on my own!) I find it very easy to identify what is wrong, what needs "fixing" in my children. I so want for them to live a life of radical freedom that is their inheritance in Christ. A behavior pattern or personality trait makes itself blatantly evident and boy, am I quick to see the end result in my mind. It doesn't take me long at all to see this weakness, or that sin, or the other brokenness played out over the years. I am embarrassed to say how quickly I can go to the worst-case scenario-- I mean broken relationships, failure, jail....
It's Horrible!
And when I have allowed myself to go there in my mind, I find fear is the motivating force behind my response to my child. Fear of what will happen if I don't help them now, fear for their future and fear for our present, fear of being out of control as a parent.
Not Good!
Have you ever noticed that there is
No Future in
Fear?
But that LOVE
always sees a
Future?
This is what John says about it:
There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and so he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection]. (AMP)
God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. (MSG)
1 John 4:18
When I am aware of God's love,
that HE IS LOVE
for me and to me,
for my child and to my child,
then I parent differently.
I don't parent in dread of what
will happen in the future.
Parenting in and from Fear
causes me to be harsh.
Parenting in and from Love
frees me to draw close to my beloved child
to see and release Hope,
to call forth the Treasure.
What does "fully formed" love look like in our homes I wonder? From my experience in giving in to fear, and yielding to love as a parent, there are a few things I have discovered.
Love places the highest value on relationship.
It is firm, but never harsh.
It seeks and calls forth identity and destiny.
It results in more freedom in and for me
and in and for my child.
May LOVE have the run of my house and yours, and may LOVE become at home and mature in us!
Friends, Register for HOPE AT HOME 2012, October 5-6 in Atlanta by August 15 and enjoy the Early Bird Registration Rate.
We would so love to get to know you and enjoy the Freeing Love of God together!
We would so love to get to know you and enjoy the Freeing Love of God together!
This is beautifully written and so packed with truth! We have definitely seen the difference in our home between parenting with fear as compared to parenting with love.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for this!
Scott
Thank you Scott! There really is a difference isn't there? So thankful to have received the Love kind from our Father God!
ReplyDelete