Years ago I read a wonderful parenting book by Paul Tripp called Age of Opportunity. Just the title itself speaks volumes. I love the perspective that Tripp brings and I recommend the book for any parent. It is directed at parenting the teens, but personally I think it is full of truth for all ages. Tripp encourages us to see the difficult issues we deal with not as interruptions or problems to quickly squelch or move past, but rather as opportunities to see the power of the gospel worked out in real time in our homes and in our children's lives. For me, this perspective changes everything! Let me explain.
No, I'm afraid to say that every time we are faced with a difficult situation, I have to overcome my own bit of anger or offense or hurt or discouragement, or fear, or weariness..... have I covered most of your reactions too?!
Think of it friends! It is for such a time as this that God brought our children into our homes. All those years ago when God called us to adopt, He saw the day when my child would be safe enough, surrounded and embraced by years of the love and care and safety that can only come from a family, to let out into the open this next layer of pain or fear or anger. It is for such a time as this that Stephen and I were called, that you my dear friends, are called to love your child.
Where else could your sweet daughter or son let that deep sense of rejection or that swirling anger or those wordless fears and anxieties be laid bare? God looked ahead and saw a time and a place right there in your home, under the covering of your love, and said, "Right there--I see it. That is where this precious child of mine will be safe enough to be known. There I see my servants, who have opened their hearts to love big, will not turn from this need that looks so irritating or ugly. No, they will love. They will lead. They will hope."
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My Initial Reaction
Many of us who have adopted children from "hard places" know the realities of out-of-control rages, complete shut-downs, compulsive or destructive behaviors, or many other manifestations of grief, rejection, pain and fear from our child's past. If you are like me, your first response is quite naturally to see the behavior as a problem to be dealt with. To this day I have yet to have my initial reaction to my child's rage, for instance, be, "How exciting. Here is a wonderful opportunity to see the power of the gospel on display in my own home. Let me press right in to the middle of this raging child's life and reveal the love of God to him!"No, I'm afraid to say that every time we are faced with a difficult situation, I have to overcome my own bit of anger or offense or hurt or discouragement, or fear, or weariness..... have I covered most of your reactions too?!
For Such a Time as This
But I will say that I am learning to quickly and even instinctively embrace the opportunity inherent in each manifestation of some past hurt in our adopted children. I see the tender mercy of God in the exposure of what at the moment is something ugly and off-putting. When my child pushes me away, rejecting my love, I am able to recognize the opportunity, and I am honored that once again I get to be the one to pour out the unconditional love of God on my hurting child.Think of it friends! It is for such a time as this that God brought our children into our homes. All those years ago when God called us to adopt, He saw the day when my child would be safe enough, surrounded and embraced by years of the love and care and safety that can only come from a family, to let out into the open this next layer of pain or fear or anger. It is for such a time as this that Stephen and I were called, that you my dear friends, are called to love your child.
Where else could your sweet daughter or son let that deep sense of rejection or that swirling anger or those wordless fears and anxieties be laid bare? God looked ahead and saw a time and a place right there in your home, under the covering of your love, and said, "Right there--I see it. That is where this precious child of mine will be safe enough to be known. There I see my servants, who have opened their hearts to love big, will not turn from this need that looks so irritating or ugly. No, they will love. They will lead. They will hope." Tapping into the Love of Father God
This is our time dear parent. As Esther was in the right place at the right time to be available for God to use in the saving of the Jews, you and I are uniquely placed for God to use us in His amazing plans of healing and freedom for our children. "For such a time as this" (Esther 4:14) God brought these children out of their relinquished state and into your home. Let us not pull away from the hard issues to avoid the discomfort, or try to quickly cover it over to keep it hidden. Rather, let us tap into the very love of our Father God and see the amazing opportunity He is giving us to love as He loves. Indeed, to love as He has loved us. For He has never turned away from the ugliness and need in you or me, has He? Oh how Good He Is! How wonderful is this gospel! It is indeed Good News for us parents, and for our children!!Join us on Facebook!
I love this perspective! It's so helpful to have a bigger picture during the toughest parenting moments. (I'm also thinking of friends who have biological children living with autism -- these words are wind for their sails too.) Thanks for this.
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Thank you so much! I also find it incredibly helpful. It is really good to take a big step back sometimes and see the bigger picture. But hard to do when the present is so all-consuming! Bless you and your family!
DeleteThis was beautiful. Such an encouraging reminder to press on. It never "feels" like it is such a time as this when your in it... but HE is at work. He is teaching me to lean into him. Lord help us do this! :) And he will, because HE is faithful.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sasha! I really felt encouraged as I wrote it too! So true that it doesn't feel so grand at the moment. Amen to your prayer-- teach us Lord to lean into you and to rest in your faithfulness.
DeleteI have a piece of art right inside our front door with this verse - for such a time as this...I love the reminder that this is it, God is using us right now, right here, for the right work. Thanks for sharing how God has been using you with your kids - praying that I can see clearly on those hard days (like today!) that God is using me even in my weakness.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment Kelly! What a great idea to have that scripture up and visible every day. I think I may have to find something like that for myself. It totally changes my perspective on the moment. Bless you and your wonderful family!
DeleteThank you for writing this. It's hard to remember that acting out is a good sign in adoption because they feel comfortable enough to show their true emotions. Yippee, right? I love your perspective that God knew where they would be when they needed to let out those feelings, and he put us here to help them through it. Now if I can remember that the next time my little guy shuts down on me!
ReplyDeleteTiffany, thanks so much for this encouraging response! I'm with you-- now if we can just remember this in the heat of the moment so to speak. I believe Holy Spirit will help us with this. Blessings on you and your family!
DeleteThis is great! I'm going to share this post with my Connected Child "support group!" This is great! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you liked this Kierstin. It is always so exciting and know that the things we share are meaningful to others. Thanks for sharing with your group. I pray that Father God uses this to bring a renewed sense of calling to us all! Bless you.
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