MARRIAGE MONDAY: THE MARRIAGE CURE

We do love our children! But as this post from Brad Aldrich points out, sometimes our marriages can get "under the weather." 

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Does your marriage have a case of the children-pox? The possible signs of this insidious disease include:

You fall into a sleep coma the moment “time together” finally starts.The only thing going bump in the night is when you run into your kids toys while checking on them before bed.Your budget has more money for special times with the kids then it does for date night.

You fall into a sleep coma the moment “time together” finally starts.

The only thing going bump in the night is when you run into your kids toys while checking on them before bed.

Your budget has more money for special times with the kids then it does for date night.

Children-pox is an subtle marriage disease that happens when a couples allow their relationship to entropy into just being about the kids. Why is this such a problem in couples today?

Before we look at the solution to this problem let’s talk about how couples contract the illness. 

The Illness:

Contrary to popular belief, this illness is caught long before a couple has their first child. Part of the problem comes from how each of us defines the word happiness. Men tend to measure happiness in terms of results, while women tend to measure happiness in terms of relationships. As we are dating, both men and women see happiness in the same way--the advancement of the relationship. Once we are married this changes. 

Men have the result they were seeking and often fall into the magic ring disease. Which send them focusing on new challenges, often in the form of new careers full of potential for new results and happiness. While men are off hunting their next “result” their wives are seeking the “happily ever after” relationship they always dreamed of. 

When children enter, either biologically or by adoption, many women find exactly what they feel they have been missing, a special relationship with someone who needs them. They throw themselves into the life of this new addition and the children-pox starts in a full blown case.

Note to Husbands:

Guys, we often blame our wives for throwing themselves into the life of the kids and ignoring us; it is easy to blame your marriage struggles on your wife. I challenge all of you to look further--don’t ignore how your relationship, or lack of a relationship, with your wife has contributed to the two of you catching the children pox. This is not a mom disease. This is a couple issue!

The Treatments:

Early Inoculation

Any couples reading this that have not jumped into the children stage yet should think about getting your shots before you do! Don’t get me wrong, I love parenting! We have been blessed by our 2 biological children and 1 adopted child, but I am really glad that Kate and I had several years of just the two of us before we started having kids. I think this early inoculation of time can really help keep a couple focused even when kids come along later.

Annual Vaccination

The simplest form of vaccination is a vacation, a vacation away together for just the two of you! One time a year, take one day, or two if you can, to run away just the two of you! Spend time away reconnecting, talking, listening, loving, relaxing together! 

Don’t let money get in the way of this important time away. Budget for it all year if you have to. If you absolutely cannot afford to go away, then propose a kid swap with a couple that you trust. Offer to take their kids for a night or a weekend, while they get away then have them return the favor. That way you can at least have a night with the house all to yourselves. Just remember to spend the time reconnecting, not cleaning!

Monthly Treatment

Date nights. I know it is cliché but I think having a regular date night with your spouse is critical! Find time to get out of the house just the two of you at least once a month!

Daily Vitamins

Make a point to have regular, hopefully daily, conversation with each other that has nothing to do with the kids. What are you doing at work? What are you reading? What are you thinking? Talk! You managed to do it while you were dating; it is time to remember how now! This small dose of time about the two of you will go a long way to keeping the children pox from fully taking over!

Remember your Mission

God gave you the blessing of children to raise and release! He did not plan for you to keep them forever. I think all parents dream of seeing their child one day get married. I want my kids to have an amazing marriage! Guess what? I only have now to start teaching them what that looks like. 

Let’s all dedicate ourselves to growing our marriages to be a God-honoring example to the next generation! 

Take your vitamins and grow your marriage!

Have you successfully recovered your relationship from a case of the children-pox? 

Let us know how you did it in the comments!